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Am I wrong to be totally offended by In laws??

Lucytanner11's picture

DH invited his parents from Florida to come stay with us for a few days over the holiday. They are not very close to DH and have not been up in a few years. Since they came up last we got two cats and two dogs which they knew about before hand. I spent all week cleaning the house and Decorating for Christmas. When I came home tonight they were already at the house getting there  few hours earlier. They were in the process of booking a hotel as they could not stand staying with the cats. Now we live in a large new 4 bedroom 2400 square house not a tiny apartment. My house my not be perfect but it’s no pigpen for sure. The animals are well behaved and clean. Needless to say I was so Embarrassed Beyond words. To think how hard I worked to get things perfect.  I felt like these people thought my house was so gross they could not stand staying here for a few days. I know if it was me I could never be so rude unless the place was crawling with fleas and smelling like animal crap. I feel so bad as DH was looking forward to spending time with his parents and now it’s limited as they can’t stand being at our place for more than a couple of hours. Am I Overreacting being pissed off?

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Read the post Rags just made including a link to an article on crazymaking. It aptly outlines several types of dysfunctional people we may be expected to deal with.

Did your inlaws offer any explanation for their abrupt departure? Without a valid reason (such as phobia or allergy) it was indeed rude to make alternative arrangements without at least greeting their hostess, apologizing, explaining, and smoothing over their exit. But maybe there's a very good reason why your DH has such a distant relationship with his parents? If so, accept that, learn your lesson, and never seek out their company again.

Edited to add: If this is a sample of the dysfunctional people who raised your spouse, is it really surprising that there is so much dysfunction in the rest of his relationships? Food for thought.

SteppedOut's picture

Some people are really sensitive to smells... some people are just nit picking assholes who wouldn't notice anything until they SAW a cat and then totally freak out.

My mother (rest her soul) was the latter. Idk why. But she HATED cats and was SURE you couldn't have one with out the entire house needing to be burned down because of smell. Which, imho, cats are clean animals and as long as you aren't lazy with a box (and have the appropriate amount of boxes) it isn't a thing. 

Whatever, be glad they are getting a hotel and you don't have to listen to snide remarks. I do feel for your husband tho. I had the same kind of relationship with my mother. I always was envious of those with great relationships with their mom. Nothing I ever did was ever good enough; she even talked down to me about the way I folded towels. 

Ignore them and enjoy your CLEAN and beautifully decorated house.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Lucytanner11's picture

staying with cats and it was bothering their eyes. They have dogs of their own.  I question the reason they gave. I have a good friend that is highly allergic to cats and as long as she does not touch the cats she has no problem at my house. Plus how can BOTH of them be so Allergic but no Sneezing or red eyes like my friend gets if she pets the cats? I talked to my mom and she said she would not care if I lived in a barn she would still stay with me. Love my mom! 

Notup4it's picture

We have 3 dogs, my mom had 2 cats- my husband gets very bothered by the cats. His eyes will get sore and dry but tear up.

So people can be allergic only to cats. Now that her cats have passed my husband will stay there for hours on end- before it was after about an hour and he would be begging to go home.

My in-laws refuse to stay at anyone’s house- they will ALWAYS get a hotel.... they don’t like to impose and think people are just being polite and they like some down time and privacy.  Then there is my dad.... now that he is old he can only tolerate little kids for about 2-3 hours max before he starts going crazy. Lol 

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

as a cat owner and someone who offendseasily, I would let this one go. Perhaps the cats are a more polite excuse to get a hotel. My own parents, bless their persnickety hearts, despise staying in shared spaces and refuse to sleep in my house. They only stay at my sister's place because she has a mother in law suite that can be closed off to the rest of the house.

perhaps they worry about adding burden on you and don't want to shame you? 

Notup4it's picture

I agree.... and honestly is there anything in the world that is worse than your MIL and FIL standing around in your kitchen in the morning in their robes?! No thank you. Haha.  Maybe I am an introvert.... but I like my own space- some nice visit time is plenty!! 

Rags's picture

My dad and I rarely stayed at his parents.  Their dogs damned near killed us.  Those without allergies can’t possibly understand the struggle of those that have them.

I also refuse to stay at my ILs house for more than about 2 hrs.  Any longer than that and I am sick as a dog.

It may have nothing to do with how clean your home is and everything to do with animal allergies.  

Winterglow's picture

No offence intended with this post but ...

Do your cats get to wanter all over tables and counters? A lot of cat owners do and don't realize how disgusting it might seem to others. I'm a cat owner and even I would be booking a hotel room if I found myself in that situation. 

Lucytanner11's picture

I don’t let my cats on the table counters or anyplace else food may go! I have two litter boxes each for one cat and they are both cleaned morning and night. They were planning on staying with us and have stayed before so I hardly doubt they used the cats as an excuse to not Burden us. My MIL is in your face rude in a Passive aggressive way so no she would not think that way, not to Inconvenience us so stay in a hotel

Notup4it's picture

If she is such a cow, why on earth do you even want her staying there?! I would personally be jumping for joy!!!!!

Aaaaaand just think about it, next time they are planning their trip you can suggest they stay at that nice hotel they stayed at last time!!!! PERFECT 

STaround's picture

And it does not matter how clean house is. Not allergic to dogs at all.  If I stayed at your house for more than two hours, I would need to see a doctor.  Maybe they have not been near a cat recently and they did not realize how bad it would be.

I do not think rude

tog redux's picture

My DH won't stay overnight in homes with cats, his eyes get red and itchy.   He will visit the home for a few hours and even play with the cat, but not touch it. 

I wouldn't be offended, be grateful.

hereiam's picture

I would actually be relieved that are are staying elsewhere.

I'm sorry that you feel offended but really, don't be. Maybe they just don't like cats or really are are allergic, don't take it personally.

ChainSmoker's picture

Pets or not....I just like not feel like I need to be on a set schedule. I get up early and grab a coffee and take my time getring ready .Maybe they are like that too. 

ChainSmoker's picture

Pets or not....I just like not feel like I need to be on a set schedule. I get up early and grab a coffee and take my time getring ready .Maybe they are like that too. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

My SIL is so allergic to cats that she carries an EpiPen. 3 years after my niece's cat passed away, SIL continued to have allergic reactions. 

Also consider that some people are scared of or intensely dislike cats.

Be thankful they're not staying with you.

disrestep's picture

Nope, You are not overreacting. You kindly invite these people into your home and they knew full well you had animals. As an animal lover myself, our pets come first before guests, period. 

Having all sorts of animals, I know cats are actually more fastidious than dogs, so I don't know why your in laws have a problem with your cats. If your cats are indoor only and are not making a mess everywhere, I would tell them dogs go outside and pick up all sorts of germs on their feet, they eat all sorts of nasty things outside, and bring in fleas and ticks. Indoor cats are cleaner than some people I know. 

Some people, who are not cat or pet people don't get it I guess. 

I've seen some fun signs for sale that say things like, "it's my cat's house, if you don't like a little hair on you, well don't stay, .....etc., etc." I'd get one of those.

Guess I'd be happy these people weren't staying with me. Who needs them if they are going to be like that. Pets should be beloved family members and never have to be displaced because someone doesn't like them. 

Now, if my pets could keep away the nasty skids and in laws, I'd be all set, hee, hee.