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Am I wrong????

Ryna0114's picture

Yesterday H actually brings up the guitar.....Rewind to the night SD15 runs off with boy, police brought her home.  Before that I took my guitar from her.   So, I am taking it as he blames me?  May be wrong but that is what I am feeling and I am furious at even the hint of the thought.

The story.....BS8 asked for nothing but a guitar for Christmas, for months that is all he talked about.  He gets one, and surprised us by actually getting it, H plays and is teaching him.  Then low and behold, SD15 wants to play the guitar.  BS8 was told that if he continues to do good and takes care of his guitar that he will get an even better one.  Therefore, when SD15 decides to start playing with BS8's guitar, I told her that she cannot, because if anything happens to it we want to make sure that it was him.  She asked to use her dads, he would not because it is expensive.  The sap I am felt bad for her, I told her that she could use mine under a few conditions, she takes care of it, does not try to tune it on her own, and always keep it in its case.  Simple right?  I was learning to play and it is a learning guitar, a couple of hundred dollars, but an anniversary gift from my H.  I noticed several times it being layed on top of the case, upside down.  The day of the incident, I was upstairs in my crafts room and I heard it fall in her room, our German Shepard knocked it down from where it was leaning on the wall.  When she came home she brought it down to be tuned and knocked it up against the wall.  I asked her what we talked about when she was let to use it, she just looks at me with that dumb look of hers.  I told her that she left it against the wall and it fell, her reply was the dog shouldn't have been in her room, then I tell her about seeing it on top of its case and not in it, she looks at me with the most hateful look and very rudely says NO I DID NOT.  I say very calmly, so I am lying then?  She said again that she has never done that.  H says he has even seen it on top of its case, then it goes to only once.  She had the nerve to say that I was lying?  So, calmly I took it, went to her room got the case, put it in the case, and put it in my crafts room (that btw has a padlock on it).  I come back and she is crying and telling him how unfair it is to her.  I say only that when you admit to me that you have left it out of its case and admit that you were the one lying, will you get it back.  I take care of my things and anyone using them will do the same.  

This becomes a battle for poor H.  He told her that she was disrespectful and will not argue with an adult, period.  She just kept telling him that she was not lying and I was just being evil to her.  Her story even changed durning this, and H told her so.  I went about my business cooking and stayed out of it.  But one thing he said bothered me really bad, he said why could you just not say okay, sorry and go on?  Her reply was because she would be lying, he laughed meanly, and said you do it all the time.  He got his phone and recorded her telling a different tale each time, and said maybe she should do so too, so that she could keep her story straight.   

He mentioned it to me, he said that SD15 was never going to say she lied, so she would not get the guitar back.  I said oh well.  He made me feel like I was wrong, but I feel so strongly that I am not.  It is mine, period.  Why should I let her continue to enjoy my guitar, when that is how she treats me?  Honestly I regret ever letting her use it in the first place, I knew better.  Part of me does feel bad, because it is always a positive thing when children can do any type of art.  I believe that strongly.  

Sorry it is long, but now I sit here mad and second guessing myself.  Am I wrong?  Am I being hateful?  With a bio kid it is simple, but I do not like her, so is it that?  

beebeel's picture

No you are not wrong. I did the same exact thing when I let my skids use my guitar and they mistreated it. My DH supported me 100 percent on it. He can let his kid destroy HIS guitar if he has a problem.

ndc's picture

You're not wrong.  You gave her the conditions under which she could use your guitar and she did not comply with the conditions.  If your husband wants her to have a guitar to play so badly, he can let her use his (fat chance) or buy her a guitar of her own.  It's not up to you to make sure she has a guitar.

ESMOD's picture

You are not wrong.  You gave her a privilege.. She abused that privilege and then lied when confronted about not taking proper care.  I mean.. I get it.. kids will often lie to get out of being in trouble.. but she is old enough to accept that she was wrong and try to make ammends.  Your DH should be having the "You know, I'm very disappointed in your actions.  SM was very gracious to let you use her guitar.. and not only did you not take care of it properly, you lied about that and were very rude to her.  I expect better of you."

I think he needs to insist on some consequence beyond just not having access to the instrument.  She needs to admit that she "may not have been as careful as I should have been" (even THAT would be helpful).

Then.. you do not lend her your guitar.  If her dad wants her to continue learning.. if she had any aptitude.. or real interest.. perhaps a 2nd hand beginner model might be appropriate for a birthday or Christmas present?

Rags's picture

Yes you are wrong.  But only for second guessing yourself.

Write this lying POS kid off and lock everything in the house up as she abuses it.  Eventually she will either catch a clue or leave.

Either way.... you win.