Am I in for trouble?
We are in the middle of a cusotdy battle at the moment over 6 yo ss...
Both parents have 50/50 care of him
No one is supposed to mention that this is all happening..EXCEPT ss has twigged that something is up.... Ages ago his Mum told him that they were trying to work out different days..and now SS has become very insistent...He says he wants to know where he is going to live..
AS you guys can imagine, there's so much stress in our house with the court battles etc etc...it seems as though he has been picking up stuff from aounrd OUR house....He says that BM hasn't mentioned it at all...
He wanted to know if he will still be able to see his (step)sister....and the truth is that if his Mum wins custody...he wont be able to see her at all...( a fact which BM knows)...So I very gently told him that his Mum and Dad are talking to someone else to try and work it all out...and that we are doing everything we can to make sure he still sees his step sister...and that His Mum and Dad love him..
He got very upset at this....and I feel bad but what am I supposed to do...wait until his Mum wins custody and then sudddenly tell him that he can't see his sister again????
I've probably done the wrong thing but I just couldn't say that everything was going to be fine..
Now I'm terrified that he's going to tell his Mum and she's going to get really mad for telling him what's happening....
Was I supposed to lie and say that nothing was going on?
Biomom, you're a legend!!
Thanks Janice!
For the record...I have never endorsed keeping him in the dark...Kids always hear so much more than we think.....The bios agreed that it was for the best...and I guess when I think about it he came to the person who he thought would tell talk to him about it.
As for him being ripped from his step sister...(sorry ripped sounds dramatic but it's the truth)...Believe it or not our lawyers have told us that this is perfectly legal and looks like it's going to happen. See my post under blended family issues...*rolls eyes* This whole situation sucks....
All the advice we get from most people says this is wrong to have two kiddies ripped apart but BM won't budge...
I feel like screaming at her and everyone else....Hey if you ahve a GOOD way to tell a 4 year old and a 6 year old that they will NEVER SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN....well maybe for a few holidays per year.....then let me know...
end rant...
sorry..
Thanks for your advice Janice....
There is no easy way...
...to explain this to a child. My son (from a previous marriage, but adopted by my husband) was only three when I married my husband and he gained three new siblings, my stepchildren. The first two years were great, the four kids really bonded with each other and my husband and I bonded with each other's child(ren). Then I got pregnant and the ex went ballistic. It hasn't been the same since. Now my children are three and eight and they don't understand why they can't see their brother and sisters, why they can't talk to them on the phone, why they can't come on vacation, why they don't send them a birthday card, and so on. It's really horrible for all the children that they can't be raised with their half-siblings, or at least spend a significant amount of time with them. It's been so long since we've been allowed to have the kids for visitation that our youngest (three) has no memory of them. We live about 14 hours away, so its not an every-other-weekend situation, anyway, but we're not even allowed to take them for a couple of weeks during summer vacation or during the holidays. So it's hard. Yes, we could take her to court and insist on the visitation, which has already been ordered once, by the way, but that would cost a whole lot of money that we don't have and after five years, we just don't have the energy. Since the kids are teenagers and have their own cell phones, we feel that they can call us and tell their mom if they want to come see us, but they never do. I will tell you this, the younger they are, the easier it is. My eight year old has a harder time with it, because he knows, remembers and misses his half-sibs, but my toddler doesn't even know they exist. Either way, they do okay during periods when we consistently get the kids and they also do fine when we consistently DON'T get the kids. It's the back and forth, sometimes we see them and sometimes we don't, that is the hardest. This isn't something you can do halfway and everyone be happy.
~ Anne ~