Am I just a witch?
New to this site and have been reading through posts and found them to be so refreshing! I feel so alone. So I am a divorced mother of 3. My oldest is 22 yo and off at college; I have full custody of my other 2 who are 14 yo boy and 13 yo girl. Their sperm donor is not in the picture as of now. We have lived with my bf for almost 2 years. He has a 14 yo boy and almost 12 yo girl 50/50 and going through a divorce. Their BM is a demanding witch and his BD is following in her footsteps. I feel myself getting increasingly frustrated with all of them. Him for guilt parenting and letting BM get away with everything... God forbid anything not be convenient for her. On the weeks that they are here the house gets destroyed, they're loud, obnoxious, lazy and the world revolves around them and their schedules. On those weeks I take them and pick them up from school and of course they're school is across town and their time schedules suck and constantly change. I drive about 60 miles per day and am in the car about 5 hrs a day on those days too. I attempted to start my own business in 12/19 and then COVID hit and tanked it leaving me jobless. I haven't been able to find work (I've applied to over 200 jobs) and feel absolutely worthless. At the same time my BF says "who's going to take/ pick-up the kids if you go to work?" but then will turn around and say "go ahead, get a job" and when I get frustrated with his kids he throws it in my face somewhat. I feel walked on. I'm essentially the nanny/housekeeper. Last year his BD lied about doing her hw and got terrible grades; I got blamed for it. He said I'm here with her so why is it so hard to make sure it's done. Her BM looks for every excuse imaginable for why she's lying and getting bad grades and will even do her work for her. BM keeps trying to get someone to say she has ADHD but they won't. Teacher says no, 2 MD's say no. BM constantly takes her to the MD's and now she's in counseling too and has requested that my BF be available for "family counseling" sessions as well. Our schedules ALWAYS have to be around their visitation and it seems like we never do anything unless they're here and he scurries around the day before they come over cleaning, grocery shopping, making my kids clean, etc. My kids are mellow and aren't needy. On the weeks they're not here he goes to bed very early and the weeks they are here he is willing to stay up later. Also, if we go to the store or something together and I don't want any kids to go he thinks I'm being a witch. I'm also a witch because I get upset when they run, scream, throw things, act like feral cats in the house. We went on a trip to see my oldest kid at school for my birthday and his kids were with their BM so he told my kids not to say anything in front of them because he said it wasn't fair that they didn't get to go. I got mad. I'm a witch for that too. Am I wrong for being exhausted and frustrated? I feel like because I'm jobless when they say jump I'm supposed to say how high.
I'm glad you found us.
Without a job you are kind of trapped, so hunting for one is really where you need to continue to put your energy.
Try not to let other people's dysfunction get to you. This failed family is still in the death throes of divorce drama. Your bf should be focused on tying up loose ends, getting his kids the help they need to cope, and working on himself. He shouldn't even be in a relationship right now, but instead he sourced a new gf to do the grunt work, and of course become the whipping boy for everyone's angst.
You need to focus on becoming self sufficient and building a high quality life for your kids. You dont need this constant drama from his baggage and a guy who isn't even a good partner.
what exactly does he do for
what exactly does he do for his kids and your home?
No you are not a witch.
No you are not a witch.
I am echoing everyone else.
I am echoing everyone else.
1. Your SO sounds like a jerk.
2. GET A JOB. Do not put yourself in a position that you can not take care of yourself and your children. Ever. The longer you do not work, the more difficult it is to find a position.
Get a job, don't be
Get a job, don't be financially dependent on him. Then you will find out if he's just in this for your nannying abilities.
What a prick!
Your SO is using you, and treats you with no respect. He has feral brats to boot, oh yay. Your self esteem will continue down the rabbit hole if you stay.
Doesnt sound healthy for you and your kids.
You will find a job eventually , then get the heck out of dodge.
You and your kiddos deserve better.
Blessings
I know how depressing being
I know how depressing being unemployed can be and how demoralizing it is the longer it goes on. Getting a job can feel more and more like an impossibility and there always seem to be barriers in the way. Just know that you are enough just as you are and your worthiness is not linked to your employment status.
Are you at a stage of thinking of leaving this guy or just want to stop having to do the school run??? If you want to stop doing the school run then I would tell your husband that you will be using the 5 hours a day to job hunt or work on your buisness or get some training rather than drive his kids around.
If you are thinking of leaving and feel you need to leave pronto then I would start to look into what benefits and assistance you might be able to get to help you leave this guy and then start your job hunting afresh when you aren't burdened with this man and his children. Maybe you can get by on whatever support you get from your kid's dad and some savings for a while? Once you are free of this situation you will feel so much more confident and have so much more time from the sounds of it. I bet your kids would be happier too.
His controlling behavior is
His controlling behavior is going to continue until you are financially independent. Expect him to super guilt you for working and "letting your family down", etc. Do not fall for it.
Thankfully so many places are hiring for holiday help right now. A friend of mine has a daughter in college and she just got a job at Walmart in the evenings making $20/hr. Sure, it isn't an ideal career but it is a million times easier to get a job when you are working. Employers want to see that someone wants you there and it makes you more valuable. So take anything you can. It really will help.
Another option is getting back in school. You are never too old to go back to school! As a single mom, you will have a ton of grants to help. New semester starts in January, it isn't too late!