Am I expecting too much?
So I was up getting all the kids ready for school this morning, while Dh sketch in (its his day off). As we are heading to the door to leave, ss-stb10 hands me a paper from school stating that there is no school today. Mind you this was not a regularly schedualed day off (ive since rechecked my school calendar) so I doubt that this was even the first paper home about the added teacher planning day. So now, I am going to be late for work because the kids ( ss and sd-8.5) have to go change out of their school uniforms. Dh finally gets up as I'm telling them (firmly, butnot yelling) that I expect them to give school papers to us when they get them, and Dh goes, don't get mad at them, they are just kids.
Am I expecting too much of a 4th and 3rd grader to expect that parent papers be given to us in a timely fashion. Somehow I bet that if he was the one inconvenienced that he wouldnt be so non chalant about it.
Whoa! Hold on here...he got
Whoa! Hold on here...he got to sleep in and you had to be late for work? Why? He should have been responsible for the kids so you would not have been late. It is completely unacceptable that you should have had to right that situation. If I were you, I would start training DH...train him that he is a capable parent that needs to stop being lazy and he needs to stop taking advantage of you. They are HIS kids after all...
Now to address your question...YES they are old enough to give you those papers the day they are sent home. Are you sure SS wasn't being a smarta** and waited to give it to you on purpose? The kids need to learn responsibility...and if they can't, Daddy needs to check their school bags every night.
Agreed. Next time just go to
Agreed. Next time just go to work and let Dh handle it. His problem.
No, I don't think ss was
No, I don't think ss was being a smart ass about it. He probably had an "oh shit, I forgot moment". Which I understand, but its still unacceptable. My feelings are, that if you don't lay out for them what's unacceptable, then of coarse they aren't going to try to do better next time. It's not like I was screaming at them or punishing them..... Just firmly told them both that I expect to get these papers the day the recieve them from now on.
As for him sleeping in on how days off (tues and wed), I told him that he could. I figured it was easier on everyone in the end, so the kids always know that they have to be ready by 615 so that I take them with me, rather than some days they can dilly rally cause dads taking them at 715. He can't sd's hair (which was my ONE request when she came to live with us...Grrrr) anyways, so id have to get her up early regardless, and bs 2:5 wakes up with me more often than not, so he'd have to get up when I leave to watch him. I just wish he'd reciprocate with something thoughtful for me every once and a while too.
I understand the whole
I understand the whole sleeping in thing and it is a nice gesture on your part...I don't disagree with that. But if a crisis occurs like it did this morning, he could get out of bed and help, or he could take the kids later so you aren't late.
This wasn't a typical day
This wasn't a typical day though, so the sleeping in for him wasn't an option. He had to handle his kids and you needed to get to work on time. Next time, just head to work and let him deal when the routine is changed.
Why is dad off the hook?
Why is dad off the hook?
Why didn't he check their backpacks? Why didn't he ask them if they had any notes from school? Why is he sleeping in while you get his kids ready for school??
He didn't check their bags
He didn't check their bags cause he's lazy. In the past, due to his work schedule, he did drop offs and I had pick up and homework/ dinner with the kids because he didn't get home from work until 8pm. I made sure I was on top of everything. As of November, his schedule switched and now I drop the kids off, and he is supposed to pickthem up and have homework done and checked, sign their behavior books ect ect, by the time I get home. So as a matter of principle I refuse to deal with their school stuff anymore. He doesn't check their bags, doesn't check their hw, and the kids have gotten in trouble repeatedly because he doesn't sign their books (to be fair though, the kids "forget" to bring him the books.... It's ultimately their responsibility to get their books signed, but he doesn't make an effort to remind then or keep them on task, its not like he refuses to sign or anything).
I still end up doing the pick up one or two days a week, though... But I am leaving how kids schooling in his hands. If he doesn't care enough to put in the slightest effort, why should I make myself crazy over it. He was pissed the other week when I told him that I wasn't going to check sd's math hw, that he needed to check it..... He decided that the daycare's checking that she did it is enough, and he didn't need to check if it was done correctly. I was busting my add for years being involved in keeping his kids on track w ith their education, and his response in Nov (right before he got his new shift) was that I bring that adjitation on myself and if the kids want to screw off on their hw, then they will face the consiquences when they fail. So if my efforts weren't even appreciated, let alone backed up.... I said I was done.
In my experience with my
In my experience with my kids, I know that by the time they get home, they may forget so I check back packs everytime I get them just in case. I do beleive the kid forgot.
I agree with you, both kids
I agree with you, both kids forgot. I wasn't trying to imply that they were purposely being little asses or something. But they both forgot that paper, AND the previous one that I am sure went home as this was the "reminder" that they added a planning day. So that's 4 papers that never made it to us. In addition to every field trip, the permission slip only makes it to us the night before or the morning of, we get told about conference night at 6pm, when its from 5-7 THAT night. Forgetting once and a while is one thing,but this is clearly them not putting any effort in.
But my issue was really more with Dh's reaction. As if I shouldn't have said anything to them. As if they had no responsibility in the situation.
They have a daily planner
They have a daily planner that has to be signed everyday, that has a folder that all "parent mail" goes it. And a weekly behavior report that needs to be signed. So not only did they not give the paper to Dh when they went to get their books signed (the perfect time to remember) they also didn't put it in the correct folder when it was handed to them, as it was crinkled in a ball from being in his bag, lord knows what SD did with hers (ive tend to find hers in the bathroom trash, along with her check minus papers). They have so many things set up to help them be responsible, its just so frustrating that at their ages they still act like they are in nursery school.
I just don't feel that saying something to them was out of line.
He needs to check their
He needs to check their backpacks or have them bring him the agenda to check every day. Easy enough, it just has to be habit. This is not your problem and it should not affect you. He has to do it for his children....
So should I have said
So should I have said something to them, or not?
Yes, but DH just ended up mad
Yes, but DH just ended up mad at you because we are always at fault, not the skids. Don't question yourself so much. You did fine. Again though if you are going to get yelled at then he can do it himself.
Kids their ages *should* be
Kids their ages *should* be responsible enough to give parents papers from school. But only because they have been taught to. If the dad is too lazy to ingrain that in them, it is not going to happen. Dad is too lazy to even ask for the papers, so what do you expect from the kids?
This whole thing is weird. Dad should've been up getting them ready. The problem here is Dad, as you already know. But you have every right to say something to the kids for what they did. You and dh need to decide how they are going to learn responsibility, and he needs to know what you are willing/ not willing to do to help him. Because ultimately it's his responsibility, not yours.
the excuse they are just kids
the excuse they are just kids will only build resentment. not solve anything