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Am I evil?

Shoshanna's picture

Hi folks.....haven't posted here for a while; but,I gotta say, when I have been on here, all of your input and personal stories have helped me immensely. http://www.steptalk.org/images/smileys/evil.png

I don't really have a pressing issue, which in itself is kind of misleading, as my 16 year old SD is a CONSTANT issue. But I am kind of having a moral dilemma in that right now, my SD 16 has decided (as she does on occasion) that my DH, her dad, is the cause of all her problems in life (Which are too many to count btw).While this causes my husband hurt and pain, and I comfort him about it, on the inside I am doing dances of joy (kind of like Balki on Perfect Strangers....anyone remember that? lol). This makes me feel SO evil, but when she "hates" him, that means she doesn't come for visits, and I can pretend like she doesn't exist. I have been in this girl's life for 8 years, and you can't know the things I have done for her, and yet she could care if I lived or died. Whatever. I just feel evil that I can get joy out of something that causes my DH so much pain. Maybe I am just a selfish bitch? I can live with that I guess.

SD's latest pearls of wisdom from her FB page (she is on her 4th boyfriend of 2013 by the way). "(insert Boyfriend's name here), I am so proud of you for quitting weed! Way to go! I love you babee!" (keep in mind her folks AND her grandparents are FB friends of hers...)

OMFG, really? on your FB page? Jesus h Christ.

She currently cannot live with her imbecile of a mother as they are so alike they no longer get along. Last I heard she moved in with some girl from her "alternative" school. The girl kicked her out after 24 hours. Her dad has sent her about 15 msgs on FB, as this is the only way she will normally communicate with him. She hasn't answered one of them. She hurts my head with her bad decisions. ACKKKK!!!!!!!!! The worst thing about it is, I know she would be better off here, even though she would die t }:) }:) wice before agreeing to move in with us. But I also think if she did, my DH and I would be on the fastest road to divorce you've ever seen, as SD is one of the only things we have rip roaring fights about. SIgh. I guess I should just be grateful I don't have to see her. I had her for 2 weeks by myself over Christmas (DH was away working)...and let me tell you, she was a first rate prize. NOT!! Anyway, I think I just needed to vent, as usual. Thx for listening!!!!!

sixteensmom's picture

Don't open your home to that ! I know you want to fix them because then you'll be the hero and they'll both love you forever, right? WRONGO - speking from experience, you may get a day or two or even a few months of her loving all that you do for her - then she'll turn on you as fast as she can, but not in front of daddy. So it'll be her and Daddy against you. By the time he sees what she's doing, you'll be so ready to bail that he'll never be able to make up for it and she WILL ruin you. I soooo know the game she's got going on and how you feel! DONT do it!

Shoshanna's picture

Ha ha ha. I've had family members of my DH ask me why I haven't run over BM with my car years ago! lol. Never in my life could I imagine someone so inept at parenting!She really breaks the mold! To sixteens mom, you got it! Both BM and SD have literally clinical personality disorders, so manipulation and deception are their MO's!!!!! Unfortunately, my husband loves his DD, and so he ultimately makes excuses for her psycho behaviors. He laughed when I said I would divorce him before I let her move in here. Thank god she hates rules. Thats why she won't live with us, because we actually make her do shit. It's just unbelievable!!!!

silentnites's picture

It certainly sounds as if she has chosen the incorrect path in her life on numerous occasions. Sixteen is a sucky age anyway, add the additional problems of boy craziness and drugs, and my oh my, you got issues. It's not evil to think the way you do sometimes, thoughts like that are normal. I have gone through periods when I could not stand my own kids, it comes with the territory.

She blames her dad because it's easier that way. Not yet ready to do the soul searching one needs to do to correct their own lives and behavior that is not healthy to live by. I wouldn't ask her to move in, more problem on the horizon. Fourth boyfriend in 2013? yuck... That means she cannot be alone and needs a boy to fulfill her.

And, what is it with the younger generation these days? Posting their entire lives on FB? drives me absolutely crazy. Add that with them taking pictures of themselves, through a mirror none the less, and publishing their narcissistic values for the entire world to see? Oh dear.

oldone's picture

I watched a young woman in church today video herself (while singing) for about 10 minutes?? WTH? Don't you just know that is up on FB right now.

Kes's picture

Your situation has many similarites with mine. I am blessed with not one, but two SDs - age 16 and nearly 18. I have told my DH that I cannot have either of them living here - if he moves one of them in , I will have to leave. They behave very like their mother, the NPD BM, who is the most combative person I have ever come across. They have both picked up some of her nasty habits, needless to say.

Unlike you, I would NEVER have either of them here if DH were not here, not after NPD BM accused DH of abuse when they were 7 and 5. I swore I would never be alone with them in case she accused me.

Like yours, my SDs and their mother have been a constant issue since I met my DH and the only thing we argue about. I live for the day when they don't come EOW any more.

And no, you're not evil.

Burntoutsecondwife's picture

You are not evil. I feel like that all the time, and I even say it out loud to my DH. If you're evil, then we're all evil and I must actually have reservations in hell Smile

My difference is when my Skids treat their dad like crap he still worships them and then when they decide to have a day where they like him, he expects me to jump up and and down and praise them for not being spoiled little brats for once.

Shoshanna's picture

I know, right? !!!!!!! Our DH's expectations of just forgetting how awful their children have been to them is just insane!!!! I guarantee if it were my child, it would be different. . .lol

It's exactly the same, in that my darling SD treats her dad like crap constantly, and he just 'forgets' about it as soon as she's willing to grace us with her glorious presence! I NEVER forget, which is why I pretty much wish I never had to see her ever again!