Am I being Oversensitive?? So pissed off
The other day DH was telling me he needs to get a second job as he is having problems paying his bills. We have Separate bank accounts( my doing)and split all household bills Equally. Also as long as we have been married DH has always been a penny pincher. After DH told me this I told him this summer let's try and find things close to home and free/low cost to save money. Well right after I said this DH told me step brat wants to go on a TWO week vacation to Disney!!!! Not ten minutes after he told me he needs a second job to pay bills. Well I flipped a nut for a number of reasons. Number one I have BEGGED DH to take a two week vacation with me and DH ALLWAYS has an excuse not to. To expensive, can't take that much time off etc. even are Honeymoon could only be one week! Number two DH just got over telling me how tight money is for him but has money for a two week vacation with the brat!
I pointed these things out to DH and told him don't except me to go along to split the cost of the trip. When DH saw my reaction he told me he did not tell step brat they were definitely going only maybe. Well I can tell DH will end up going he's just saying this to get me off his back till he can figure out a better excuse/reason to take Step brat to Disney.
The ONLY positive thing about this is I would not have to see the step brat for a whole two weeks as no way in hell would I go with them.
Opinions? Should I let this go?
I'd be angry too. He's not
I'd be angry too. He's not willing/able to fund regular vacations with you or pay his bills, but he will pay for a 2-week vacation to Disney World? I assume he'd go into debt to do it, which means even less money to pay his bills or have vacations with you. I guess you now know who is the priority.
Personally, I'd have a hard time being with a man who managed his money so poorly.
"DH, you're going to need a
"DH, you're going to need a second job to pay for an apartment if you take stepbrat on a 2-week vacation. I'll have your things packed and waiting for you on the front porch when you return."
My head would have exploded if I had been in your shoes. I may or may not have hit him upside the head with a cast iron frying pan.
Yep thought my head was going to Explode!
Funny thing is I'm the one with the money in the family. Dear mom always told me keep my money Separate from his or I'd be paying for that brat. I hardly doubt he could afford our house without me so one would think he would not say/do such stupid things. If I left I would be fine Financially him I'm not so sure
I would absolutely be furious
I would absolutely be furious. But maybe DH needs to learn by natural consequences. That giving into SDs every whim has its own consequences.
I would sit DH down and tell him he can do as he chooses but it better not effect him being able to contribute to household expenses.
Then while he is working himself to death to buy SDs love. You plan and go on your own vacation. You shouldn't have to suffer because of DHs poor choices.
Totally agree..
Financially I could very Easily help DH dig himself out of the hole he's got himself into BUT I refuse since he can't say no to step brat. I'll be damned to help pay off DH Debt just so he has more money to throw at bio hag and step brat. Nope NEVER would happen. If DH could say NO to step brat every wants I would be willing to help pay off DH debt as I feel married people should help each other out BUT not in the case. Nope if DH keeps giving handouts to step brat then DH can deal with his money problems on his own.
SO was the same way until the
SO was the same way until the credit card bills started piling up. Along with SKs having zero appreciation for any of it, plus there worship of BM who does nothing for them.
I actually encouraged his poor choices by being his oh so supportive partner, knowing what the outcome would be. We have seperate finances and I am also the breadwinner. I just sat back and watched.
SO learned a very important lesson the hard way. Now SO has to tell SKs no because now he is trying to pay off the debt he incurred. Also as I guessed, SKs reaction to being told No, complete disrespect towards Thier father and emotional blackmail.
I'd be furious, and I would
I'd be furious, and I would not let it go. If he insists on going, I would not even consider going with them, and I would make it very clear that going into debt for a vacation was unacceptable. Does stepbrat live with you? If DH can afford a 2 week Disney vacation, he can afford to split the bills to take into account the time the kid is in your home, meaning he'd pay more than half.
FWIW, I'm a huge Disney fan. My family vacationed at WDW just about every year when I was growing up. Two weeks at Disney isn't necessary. A week is plenty. The skid can go to every park, plus other area attractions, in a week.
Oh god no step brat does NOT live with us!
BIo hag would never give up her child support. I LOVE Disney too but there is no way in hell I'd spend two full weeks with that kid. I'd be ready for the nut house when I got back. No thank you. PLUS let DH pay for the full trip himself and see how he likes it. When we go on vacation in the past either together or with the brat I would split the trip 50/50 with DH. Half the hotel/gas/car rental. Let DH pay for it all himself I'm not giving him a dime
And insist going forward that
And insist going forward that he pays for SD in all ways, extra for the mortgage and utilities and food, and on all vacations he pays 2/3, not 1/2.
Well going forward I’m not going on ANY vacations with that brat
Last vacation with the kid was a disaster as always. Refused to do ANYTHING he did not want to. Refused to get up early so we could start our day. Had to walk next to daddy and sit next to daddy in restaurants. I felt like a third wheel.
Fair enough - definitely hold
Fair enough - definitely hold him to his fair share for other bills then.
But does he spend any time
But does he spend any time staying in your house (like EOWE). If so, adjust those percentages. A man who can afford to take his kid to Disney for 2 weeks can afford to pay ALL incremental costs of the kid.
No, you are not being
No, you are not being oversensitive. To plan to take a two week vacation to Disney with your child when you tell your wife you are having difficulty playing bills means either you lied about your difficulty or you are financially irresponsible.
Two weeks. Good luck with that DH. That's a long vacation at Disney with a teen. And DH have you priced this out? The lowest price tickets are over a hundred dollars per person per day. Hotel? Meals if off site. Meal plan if staying onsite. Souvenir budget? I hope your second job pays well.
No way would I attend this "fun" time. No way would I pay for any of it. No way would I excuse DH from paying any part of our bills to fund this.
Of course DH has not priced this out but I have
Plus the brat refuses to spend any of his money and wants a ton of "Souvenirs/gifts" on vacation so add that cost. Nope last vacation with the brat was a disaster as ALWAYS so I'm done. DH can foot the whole bill himself.
Roger that. Two weeks at
Roger that. Two weeks at Disney could easily turn into several thousands of dollars spent.
It seems to me that he was
It seems to me that he was laying the groundwork of his financial difficulties in the hope you would offer to cover either the bills and or part/or all of the disney holiday! Very manipulative!
Yes, unless he's out actively
Yes, unless he's out actively looking for that 2nd job, I think I you've hit the nail on the head.
If he is having problems
If he is having problems paying his bills, how does he justify going to Disney, at all, much less two weeks?
Separate finances do not keep couples from financially supporting each other, in some way. One way or another, you will be covering his shortages (probably are, already, it's just not obvious). He is not single and cannot just live as if this only affects him. Actually, could he even afford to go, if he were single? If he didn't have you to help with the mortgage and the bills?
Should I let this go?
No, you should not let such irresponsibility in your life partner, go.
Time for you to take a 2wk all inclusive vacation to Hedonism,
or the luxury resort of your choice, while they are at Disney.
Text DH pics of you sunning, swimming, feasting, partying, and dancing your heart out while he is dealing with a needy whiney brat who loses his shit after about three days of sweating his ass off walking around Disney being accosted by characters and incessent StepBrat whining for every toy, snack, etc, etc, etc.... he sees.
The F up thing is DH could care less if I went away
DH has told me a number of times I stress him out when we take step brat on vacation. The reason why is unlike DH step brat's Constant complaining whiny demanding behavior 24/7 drives me nuts on vacation. Not sure if it's divorce daddy guilt but DH would be more than happy to just follow his Demon spawn around with a video camera doing whatever the brat wants. NOTHING step brat does Irritates DH EVER. So except for the fact I help foot the vacation bill I'm sure DH and I know step brat would Prefer I don't go long.
Ugh.
Nope your way out of there.
I love SD14 Munchkin, shes kind and respectful and sweet. But 2 weeks with her? When DH is complaining of shortage of money? Yah, no.
Holy Heck
Good luck DH. You are gonna need 3 jobs when I toss you out on your arse.
No you are not being overly
No you are not being overly sensitive. At some point in your life you decided you were not worthly of respect and of a partner who treats you as an equal in a relationship. It is best to go back and look when this happened and what triggered it exactly. Being treated as a doormat is not love. It is called being used. I doubt your SO could even live on his own if it was not for you. What does that tell you? And now that you are there helping him out his first thought is to treat his entitled kids to an unnecessary vacation, instead of making better financial decisions, those that include your future with him. This speaks volumes. Love yourself. Self love is very important.