Always Invading Privacy
My FH called me on Facetime on Saturday while he was spending time with his daughter (7). He couldn’t see his side of the screen very well, and didn’t notice her literally leaning over the couch to stare at us during our conversation. I said, “Want to call me back on a regular call so I’m not being stared at.” She was eavesdropping, and I’ve caught her doing this multiple times. It’s not okay with me.
I’ve made it very clear how important my privacy is to me, and I don’t appreciate him letting her constantly invade it (she crawled into bed with us while I was in my underwear. We didn’t have a lock on the door, but she had JUST been talked to about coming into a room without knocking, so I guess we’re both at fault). I know she has a lack of boundaries with her mother, so she just doesn’t know that she’s crossing lines, but it’s up to my FH to instill that in her. His immediate response was “we just won’t facetime while I’m with her,” but by that logic, we can’t text, talk on the phone, or otherwise have conversations that are not necessarily private, but definitely none of her business and subsequently her mother’s business, because that’s who she reports back to. How will he know if she’s reading texts over his shoulder, or hiding around a corner to listen to conversations we are having. She knows she’s not supposed to be doing this, or she wouldn’t be hiding, right?
Obviously I’m not going to talk about anything super private that I don’t want to get out, but things like my job, my family, my pets, our plans for the weekend, I don’t need getting back to psycho BM who will do everything in her power to cause problems. In my opinion, FSD7 needs to be talked to, and disciplined for eavesdropping. Am I wrong?
On a side note, FH dropped this one on my on Saturday: “SD7 wants to come over for dinner at your house,” but hinted at it being without me there. I can’t figure out why she’d want to do that, and why he’d say yes to her coming to MY house without asking me first, but it bugs me. I have a feeling it’s because DH drops her off at grandma’s house and comes over to my place from time to time (sleepovers with grandma, they both enjoy those, and gives us the chance to have weekend date nights, etc.), and he tells her about the fun stuff we do, and she wants to be included in everything he does. She’s been to my house once, where she took it upon herself to let the dog run around the house (his dog, just as poorly behaved and untrained as his daughter) and jump all over furniture, but also barged into my bedroom without knocking. There is literally nothing for her to do here, so I don’t know why she’d even want to come. She also wants him to take MY cat over to her house so she can play with it. She’s only seen pictures of it but FH talks about the cat to her sometimes. He told her yes…sorry mini-wife doesn’t get everything she wants just because she says she wants it, especially when it’s mine (my house, my cat, etc.). She has a cat, and a house she can have dinner with her dad at. I can’t help but think she is trying to stir up crap, she’s getting ultra manipulative already.
I’ve made it abundantly clear that I will not be moving in with them until the boundary issues are vastly improved. The mini-wife boundaries, the asserting herself into our relationship boundaries, and child/adult authority boundaries.
I’m thinking I should just keep my own place until she’s 18 and moved out, or too old to want to come over and hang out with Daddyyyyyyy so much. But wishful thinking, right? J