All new to me!
Hi all
I' looking for a bit of support and advice from this forum, 6 months ago I finally met someone who ticks all the boxes for me, we have chemistry, things in common, laugh, support each other etc. I am 36 and don't have children, mainly due to the fact I've never met the right person, but I would like to try for a family although body clock is ticking!
The man I'm in love with has an 10 yr old daughter from a previous marriage,he is 41, he's been split for 5 years, his daughter stays every other wkend, and he sees her every Thurs evening. We took some time before we did any introductions (we had been seeing each other over 3 months before me and his daughter even met) then we have done very short spells of time together, just a couple of hours during her visit. We have now been seeing each other over 6 months (me and him) and are talking about a future together. I've only spent limited time with his daughter but am already struggling.
She is an only one and he adores her...........which as an only girl myself I fully understand, but I find her ill mannered and rude, he doesn't check her behaviour and runs round after her every whim. It feels like its too early days in our relationship (for me and him and also me and his daughter) to be able to say anything but I find it soooo difficult to keep my mouth shut! I find my anger is building, and much of that is aimed at him as I think he should check her behaviour but he doesn't. Some of her behaviour is just down right rude, and I would check any of my friends children or my nieces but I don't feel able to check her even though I find her behaviour unacceptable.
Any advice from those of you who have been in similar positions would be gratefully received !
Thanks J
I agree.
I agree.
Thanks for the posts. We only
Thanks for the posts. We only had a brief chat about it last weekend after a particular incident, I asked him if he thought her behaviour was acceptable, it was a bit of a weird conversation, as he said no, but he said its because she's an only one! As an only one myself I challenged his theory! I thinks its important that we teach kids some manners and thoughtfulness towards others, he said well she's only a kid! I said that I would have pulled up my 3 and 5 yr old nieces for the same behaviour because we want them to grow into kind considerate people! The conversation was a bit prickly but its over and done with now.
StepAside, you mention some books, are there any you would recommend ?
I'm sure part of the issue is that he doesn't see her as often as he would like and so does want to spoil her and doesn't want to have any confrontation or upset her while she's with him. That's were I guess for those of us with no kids it becomes harder to understand how that must feel. I guess its how we find a way to compromise on the journey ......I think there will have to be a compromise.....or do I have to bite my lip and endure it if I want to be with him???!
Welcome! When I met and
Welcome!
When I met and married DH, SD was 10. I found her extremely rude. At that point, BM had been single for four years and SD's little brother was a toddler, so SD was BM's confidante. DH hadn't been parenting either, as he was a long-distance Disney Dad - SD wants to watch SpongeBob all day? Sure, let me get a beer!.
SD didn't stay with both of us for any length of time until two years later (I deployed the previous summer so it was just SD and DH) and we had settled into our new life. Hoo boy, the tantrums when SD was put in her proper place as a kid in the house and not the mistress! "Daddy, you CHANGED! You're not FUN anymore!"
By that time, BM had remarried, and over the last couple of years, SD has once again gotten used to being the kid in the house; now that she's 14, she's actually a thoughtful teen.
You should NOT have to endure the rudeness of a child! If this girl knows she's the boss, she will make your life hell! Your SO needs to establish you as an adult authority; someone who MUST be obeyed. That doesn't mean you need to be a tyrant, she just needs to accord you the common courtesy of a child to an adult.
This is definitely between you and your SO. He's the one who needs to change his behavior first, or his daughter never will.
I know this is lame - but I
I know this is lame - but I only 'liked' a Facebook page the other day named "If you love your child, you love them enough to discipline them". It's hard though when you don't see them often!
When I re-read I didn't know
When I re-read I didn't know if that sounded rude and it totally wasn't meant to be lol! I meat that I only see our ss every second weekend and it is hard to change rude behaviours with such limited access. Sorry lol!
Thanks Trish, its good to
Thanks Trish, its good to know that someone else thinks alike, yes your right, I think me and him need to have further chats at appropriate times, as if he doesn't set the boundaries I'm not sure there is any point in trying with her!
No probs fugfrog, I know what you mean
ta