Afraid I will lose my marriage
I have my own childhood issues that get triggered mostly by my husbands daughters SD 15 and SD 20. They are very close with him and seem to want his attention often when they are here. SD 15 is here every other week and SD 20 just once in a while as she is away at college. When I'm triggered, I tend to have an angry energy and want to avoid interacting. I know this is my issue and understandably his SD 15 has brought it up a few times. I am currently on my third therapist since we met (7 years ago) and Ive tried a life coach. The kids are respectful and having always accepted me. My husband is wonderful- truly the model of what a parent needs to be to make a blended family work. I was trying hard this week to have things be better when all of a sudden his 20 year old made the same complaint about me. His 15 year old is upset that we don't have enough of a family environment at home. I just had a baby a year ago. I made efforts this week and it has felt like it was all for nothing because this past weekend was one of the worst i can remember. It hurts my husbands feelings that besides my issues, I haven't been very interested in his kids. They are nice kids. I can't complain about them. I will continue to work with a therapist and try but I'm so afraid I will fail and lose my husband. I don't want my son to have divorced parents, especially as an only child. I feel awful about myself and unfortunately annoyed that the 15 year old needs more of a family environment. She gets a lot of quality alone time with her dad. I've never been mean to her in any way, we've talked about the issues alone and with him. I need to focus on my own issues and now I have also create more of a family environment?? What 15 year old is begging for more of a family environment?? I just don't know what to do anymore. On top of it, his 20 year old is back now and i'm sure will he staying with us some, and i feel like living with both girls will be so hard. My family lives across the country and it's killing me to not be able to visit. Quarantine has brought so much to a head. I desperately want to enjoy my life but I dread every other week and I obviously don't handle it well. I have resentments built up towards everyone, even though I know it's not right. I don't think there's much advice to give, I guess I just have no where else to go, and am looking for anyone that can relate. This is poorly written, but I just needed to get it out. Thanks for listening.