advice on son and stepdad bonding
Dh and I have been together for 6 years. We have an almost 2 year old tkgether and I am due in October with our second son.
I have a son from a previous relationship. My son is 8. His father is not involved in his life at all.
Dh has a daughter from a previous relationship. She is 12 and lives with her mom. She is here every other weekend, every other holiday, etc.
My oldest son loves dh. He used to cry when he was younger to see him. He loves spending time with dh and doing "boy things".
Lately, though, he has been acting out towards dh and myself. Mostly, dh though. He will yell/scream at us, stomp his feet, slam doors, throw a temper tantrum as if he is 2.
Honestly, I am at my wits end with his behavior. I want peace back in my home.
I have been making an effort to spend extra time with him, just the two of us. I have also been making an effort to make him feel special with the new baby coming.
School starts on Thursday and he will play sports when they start back. Also, we are moving to a bigger house which he is excited about.
I'm not sure how to help their relationship.
I should also add my son has adhd and impulse control issues because of it.
Lately my son has been asking if we can go back to living with just me, him and his brother's and dh just visit. He says he likes it better when dh just visits.
No, dh is not mean to him. He doesn't hit him or talk meanly to him. He has a lot of patience with my son.
Advice? Words of wisdom?
He sounds like he is worried
He sounds like he is worried about his place in your lives. DH and You EACH need to make some "special time" for you and JUST the son. And stick too it, even with the new baby.
I suggest like both my grandfathers did for myself and my twin... GDS (grandpa dad's side) always woke me up a few times a week super early (most likely around 6am, seemed like the middle of the night to me) and we would share a bag of milano cookies and he would have coffee and I would have chocolate milk. That was super special, even if we didnt talk much.
GMS, every sunday he would cook us pancakes with cinnamon and sugar..I was really young when he passed (maybe 12 he passed before HS), so he didnt spend much time with me, he didnt know how, he never had his own kids. But he would bring my sister and our friends a BIG platter out to the front porch and he would give us each a hug and maybe sit for a bit. But mostly he was like..a watcher. We'd give the platter back and he would go back inside and I know NOW as an adult, that he would watch out the curtains while we played and Mom and Gma slept in. When I started walking to school, he would follow us in the car for the whole 1/4mile. He always had our backs.
I miss them both terribly, but I'm so glad I have those memories.