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Advice needed - vacation WITHOUT step children do we 'owe' the ex anything???

Stormydog's picture

Hi - I've re-entered this question as its Smile last subject heading was a bit misleading!!

Hello, my partner and I are planning a trip to visit my family in Europe. I am European and this will be my first trip back to see my family in 4.5 years. We have a new baby. My partner has two young school age children (from his previous marriage) who stay with us a couple of times a week and 50% of school holidays. We are not taking his children with us on this holiday as a) we are not allowed to take them out of the country b) they would be at school when we plan to go c) we are planning to go for 3 weeks to make the most of the long travel journey and d) the trip is a long overdue visit to my family to show them our new baby. What notice are we required to give his high conflict ex and are we required to pay her any costs etc whilst we are unable to have his children etc We will notify the child support agency so that they can adjust our payments as necessary. Are we required to do anything else? There is nothing in the parenting papers that says that we should. Help please!!

StepChicka's picture

There are no costs per se because at most it's only 6 days missed. You can ask to make up the days before and when you get back from your trip if you'd like. It's also a nice gesture and I'm sure you guys will be missing the kids when you return.

As for notice---typically its two weeks but in your case I'd give her a month or two notice so she can prepare.

Keep in mind that BM can say no and so come up with a backup family or friends. I'd have a backup plan just in case she pulls a fast one the night before you leave. Better safe than sorry.

outofplace's picture

"Keep in mind that BM can say no and so come up with a backup plan"

If she is primary caregiver than she cannot "force" visitation on the other parent. And I don't believe you even have to inform CS offices of the changes for that time, since you won't be missing much time with them at all. Usually you only inform them of a change that is going to last awhile, 6+ months. At least that's what I've been told.

Nyx's picture

Stormydog---Notifying CS will do no good for BM. Each parent is expected to be unable to adhere to the schedule sometimes. If there's a difference in the schedule for 6 months or longer then the CS and the schedule gets adjusted. And I believe that's only if court orders are in place.

In my state it doesn't matter if you're the custodial or not. Each parent has the right of refusal. It falls back on that parent to come up with something different if the other says no.

If the state you're residing in is contrary to the rule you still wouldn't want to leave the kids hanging if BM suddenly goes out of town? She IS allowed since officially it's her weekend without the kids. She can plan whatever she wants if its adhering to the schedule.

In my case I don't make up time with my ex. I establish time with my family or friends if we go out of town with children. I won't rely the distrustful kind.

epgr's picture

I dont think you have to ask her permission for you and your husband to go on vacation without his kids, and then pay her to take care of them when you are gone. Unless that was put in the custody papers by them.
If he misses set visitation with his kids he can set up a time to make it up, she has to allow that.
My custody papers had the basic statement that said bascially I can not hold ex in contempt for not taking the kids, it was voluntary on his part to take them, and if he missed times then I had to allow him to make the time up.
You might want to reread all of the agreement..
My husbands ex is such a freak that if we had to ask her if we could go somewhere she would say no to screw up our I am sure alot would.. thats why it does not sound right to me to have to make your plans around the mood of BM..