Advice on moving out...
Many of you may have seen I recently found out I was pregnant. Rather than turning me into a loving, calm Madonna, it has in fact made me sit up and become very aware of the injustices being done to me by my DH.
Mainly, I am sick of his son20 living with us (free, no rent, no respect, earns lots of money etc etc). His 'compromise' was making him clean his accommodation out. That was it. He will not let ss20 move away for at least another year and there is no sign of any respect or understanding coming my way from DH OR SS.
I have a new life on the way. I need to be happy right now. I am miserable.
We have counseling booked on the 28th, but I have mentioned moving out to him (this feels like the only option which makes my mind calm at the moment). He says I am 'irrational' (a favourite put-down of his). Nice, huh? I feel like marching up to him and bellowing "all I'm asking for...is a little RESPECT" Arethra-style in his face.
Has anyone any experience of moving out? Does it always lead to relationship break down? I love him at ALL other times than when his children are mentioned, we have so much good stuff happening to us and it's should be so exciting...
Or is this just hormones?
SS is 20 and DH does not kick
:jawdrop: SS is 20 and DH does not kick him out now that you are pregnant, I'm not pregnant thus not hormonal with me, I would simply take my stuff and move out, over and done with, end the marriage and rather raise my kid as a single parent then with this spineless man I have to call DH.
I think you have to sit DH and SS down and say, SS you have 3 months to move out and be on your own. Over and done with... if DH does not like it, he can move with SS.
I moved out of our house but remember Aergia was only 13/14 at the stage ..... relationship is still going strong, we see each other daily and spend week-ends together.....
but dang woman, your SS is 20, time for him to fly the coup if he does not like the house rules.
If your SS is earning lots of
If your SS is earning lots of money, why is he not moving out?
Somebody who did not respect me or my home, would not be living in my home.
I don't get these husbands who are more considerate and respectful to their adult offspring than their own spouses.
Do you have any desire to
Do you have any desire to relocate to another city? Like to be closer to family.
If so do it NOW. The court cannot forbid you to relocate just because you are carrying a baby. If you wait until after the baby is born you may never have the opportunity to leave the area where you are now living.
None of that applies if you want to stay in the same general area. You can always move back, but you might not have another opportunity to leave.
I'm not a fan of being
I'm not a fan of being miserable in my own home.
AMEN
Thank you all; your comments
Thank you all; your comments have been really helpful. I do not want to move out, I love him and want to raise my child with him, but I have to make him see what a big deal this is for me. I also want to lay the groundwork of communication (no more "I don't want to talk now") for the future, no talking is what has poisoned our relationship up until now.
I have instigated a weekly 'talk' while we are waiting for our first counselling session. Just to get worries down on paper and highlight what makes us both emotional (ie for him, ANY suggestion of a mention of his kids).
I would love to get his van towed but that is not the answer, it will just inflame the situation - and at the end of the day it is not SS20's fault he has no idea how to behave and that he should be looking after himself at this age. It is DH's fault, and ultimately it is DH I am angry at.
Thank you all so much, I so hope this works for the future of all of us....
put youself and your child
put youself and your child first in all things.
your dh does not have the parenting skills to send his son into the world as an adult and is an enabler.
son is 20 and not 12.
saying your are "irrational" is negating your feelings. you deserve better.