This is one of the few advice columns that I’ve actually found tolerable from a stepparents perspective. It’s not just for stepparents, but a BM wrote in because her son was considering going to high school in his dad’s town and therefore, living with his dad. She said she felt like her ex was “trying to take my son away from me.” The columnist said - you act like the kid somehow belongs more to you than he does to your ex, but your kid has two parents and your ex has every right to suggest your son consider living with him for high school.
Anyhow, I thought today’s column would resonate with many of us:
Dear Care and Feeding,
I have a fiancé who has a son in his early 20s. The son is my fiancé’s sponsor for citizenship, and I feel as if he uses the sponsorship, and his dad’s guilt from his divorce, as a tool to manipulate his dad. Since I have lived with them, I have had to endure the son swearing, threatening to stab us, stealing, and lying to us. He cannot keep a job for more than a month and is obsessed with making custom Nerf guns, which I find a creepy hobby. He says weird things to me and threatened to kill himself when he recently lost his job. We got into an argument about him cutting my dog’s hair once, and he took my cat and cut her whiskers when we all were getting ready for bed. He also trashes the house so bad and my fiancé just cleans up after him or blames me for the mess. His son has wrecked one of his cars and keeps getting tickets, continues to swear, lie, steal, and trash the house. I want him kicked out, but I also feel horrible about the sponsorship situation. Before my fiancé’s son started acting out, we never argued. He supported me when I didn’t have a job and has always been there for me, except for this issue.
Don’t marry your fiancé. It will be the best decision you ever make, and if you write me in 10 years and say you regret having walked away from this relationship, I will give you $1,000.