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3 SK's.... At the end of my rope please advise!

jaqqm's picture

I'm over it!!
I have been trolling this site for a year. I love reading your stories, because for once I don't feel so alone.
I don't even have the energy after tonight's visit to get into too much detail

I have 3 step kids. Ss10 sd8 ss6 and we also have a son who just turned 4.

I have know. My DH since we were 15. He had his first at 16. And then 2 more. After a bad divorce, we ended up together. He is my best friend. We love each other and our son so much, and I do truly love all of our children.
We fought the courts for 4 YEARS to win overnight visits with the kids. They have been going on for about a year. And things are awful
All 3 children have new iPhones, and go to Disney once a month. Literally. And it's not just a weekend vacation, it's the whole 9. BM Lives with her parents and her dad is a doctor.... Yet we pay $600+/month in CS on my husbands $11/hour job. Yay Florida laws!
All of this wouldn't bother me if he didn't work weekends, and I am stuck with all 4 misbehaving kids all weekend on my only 2 days off. I don't think it's fair!! It's always where are we going, what are we doing today why can't we go out to eat. That's the expectation naturally because of how they are raised with BM.

The two oldest are failing in school, and BM doesn't seem to care. We attend conferences etc. oldest was recently suspended and marked "high risk" from his private school.

They have come over with pocket knives, BB guns etc hidden in their bags. They act loving yet aggressive with our DS at times. They actually scare me. They cry every night at bed time because they want to go home to their grandpa.

I've literally had every person close to this situation shake their heads and say they have never seen anything g like this before.

SS10 has PORN in his phone, and when brought up to BM she says this is NORMAL behavior, and she will deal with it, which never EVER happens. The 2 oldest have Facebook/twitter and constant unsupervised access to the internet on their iPhones and iPads. We have weekends "unplugged" here, which only causes strife.

My DH acts like a completely different person when they're here. Yelling and mean. I don't blame him because of their behavior, but it's starting to get in the way of our little family.

He has made comments about not knowing how to handle them, and doesn't know what to do.

Thanks for letting me vent, I am SO overwhelmed!!!

ybarra357's picture

Visitation needs to do be modified so your DH's kids are there when your DH is off work. They are there to visit with HIM not you. Also your DH needs to check their bags BEFORE they arrrive into the home, check for 'contraband' and confiscate it.

blayze's picture

^^^
Exactly.

And it's not fair to YOU at all. You become a built-in babysitter of bad ass kids because you married someone you love? Uh, no. If he's working, he needs to forfeit visitation for that weekend. Why are you allowing this? And what does your man say about it?

jaqqm's picture

If I weren't here to watch them, he would never see them. He works 5 days a week 8-8. The judge already said no to weekday overnights, something about breaking up the school nights he wanted them in the same home throughout the week. And this was all recent, so I doubt it would change.

If we cancelled on the weekends, his child support would double. Its only $600/month because we do have every other weekend. So at until I win the lotto, I am STUCK!

jaqqm's picture

I know the visits need to be changes, but we JUST left court a few month ago, getting everything settled and the judge was pretty set on every other weekend. DH works 8-8 6 days a week. He is off on Wed and Sun. So he does see them Sunday, but I am alone Friday night and all day Sat =[

QueenBeau's picture

Just let your DH know that if he won't be home, skids won't be visiting. They aren't visitng YOU they are visiting HIM. What's the point if he's not there?

Also, with 3 kids 600 a month isn't bad. DH makes more than 11 bucks an hour of course, but he pays almost 400 for SD & we have her 40% of the time. I know it's frustrating because it's obvious BM doesn't need the money, but I don't see that as a ridiculous amount.

jaqqm's picture

$600/ month isn't TOO bad, it was designed that way in our case because in Florida any over-nights over X amount (I believe like 60) greatly reduces support. Its only upsetting because she has a boob job and drives a Mercedes, yes I am a bit resentful!

Also we HAVE to get them on the weekends, when we have tried to cancel or reschedule she brings up the fact that we pay so little in support because of our visit schedule and that she will gladly bring us back to court.

Its SO frustrating!

thinkthrice's picture

I feel for you. I live in NY where CS is mandatory to 21 and beyond. I will NOT marry biodad and with all i've been through over the past almost 11 years,I would never do this again. He has 3 kids 17, 15 and 11. He earns $13 an hour and pays $1,000 a month in non-arrears CS--it was even higher until I stepped in. He was actually direct depositing his ENTIRE PAY to her WITHOUT a CO due to guilt over the breakup!

He's never missed a payment but cannot contribute to the household bills--probably spends $75 a week on booze to drown his sorrows over his three spoiled PASed out "angels."

The BM makes more than biodad and her current husband makes almost six figures. We burn wood for heat,drive ancient beaters, make all meals from scratch, can and garden. If it weren't for my income, biodad wouldn't even have a roof over his head--if only he would APPRECIATE that!

The BM goes on constant vacations, the skids all have the latest electronic gizmos, yet all are uber failing school every.single.year for the past over ten years.

jaqqm's picture

My poor guy, he deposits his entire check into the bank and I give him $20/week for misc stuff. I just couldn't possibly make it without the little that he does contribute. We do have our son in private school, and just bought a house.
I refuse to let his past obligations impact us in the way that we will rent forever or send our son to a crappy school, when his kids get private school education as well.

Isn't it awful! They are here now, and we were having "unplugged" family time and I thought they may have a panic attack.

Do you get your SKids on the weekends? How do you tolerate them?

yoursandmine's picture

I just feel like we shouldnt attack one another with hateful words. This is a venting site. My husband and I fought long hard for custody of his son too. We had actually had no way of foreseeing the problems that would come with the kid, but even if I knew then what I know now, I would still stand beside my husband and fight for custody with him. Hes my husband and I will stand beside him even if his wants and needs differ from mine. Also lets once again be reminded that this is a venting site. So what words we are typing at that moment are how we are feeling in that moment, not how we are feeling about the big picture. I also love my kids, even darling daddys crazy kid, but you know what? Sometimes they make me crazy. So crazy I want to pull my hair out. That doesnt mean I dont love them, or that for one moment I would ship them off. I also think that a lot of us are not comfortable complaining about the way the skids irritate us to our husbands, they wont interpret it as venting they will, they will see it as we dont love their kids equally. Parenting is hard, and stepparenting is even harder. Thats why the creators of this site hold a special place in my heart for allowing me to have a judgement free zone where I can vent and not hurt anyones feelings

yoursandmine's picture

This account has been here five days, yes. I however have been here awhile. So yep, wow. Just wow.

JustAgirl42's picture

What is it that is coming across as 'attacking' to you?

Honestly, I think her post just makes sense.

JustAgirl42's picture

You must have interpreted her post in a very different way than I did. I didn't read anything that came across as 'attacking', or even confrontational.

JustAgirl42's picture

Well I'm glad I'm not alone. Lol...I know I'm not always totally on the ball, but I didn't think I missed anything here.

JustAgirl42's picture

"I will tell you that I personally am just as happy in life with my small titties and Hamster mobile, along with my crochet handbag I made for myself as your BM is with her boobs, mercedes and the expensive handbags she wears! It's all in how you view happiness in your life."
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You go girl! Biggrin I would much rather be happy with few things, than unhappy with a lot of things!