2 hr long fight over SD12 not wanting to SHOWER!!!!
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W......T........F!!!!!????? Just had a 2 hr long argument with SD12 because I told her to take a shower and she didn't want to. You know what, fine go a head and stink!!! Nasty little brat!
My SD used to not shower and
My SD used to not shower and then just pour on the perfume. Imagine sitting in an enclosed space (the car) for a long period of time with someone who stinks of BO and on top of that reeks of perfume. I don't miss those days! (She lives with BM now.)
Oh, I know how that is.
Oh, I know how that is. There have been many times that we would all sit down to watch tv and the BO smell would overcome us. DH would speak to Sd about it and she would go use my scented lotion in the bathroom to rub all over herself. yeah, that's going to help !
What is it with kids that
What is it with kids that don't shower, and parents that allow it????
Last night we picked up SD, I immediately start smelling BO. Now I know everyone else could too. So did I say anything and embarrass her? Did I say anthing to her at all about it? No, when we got home I tell DH, when the girls are done swimming please make sure they both take showers because I coul smell SD in the car. And I get this nasty look !
Is this how I handle my kids? No, I would have embarrassed her and said to my DD "when was the last time you showered? it smells like you need to" or a simple, "tonight is shower night". Better to be embarrassed by your mom at home than by your friends at school I think.
And who needs to tell a kid to use SOAP? SD is famous for jumping in the shower only to wet her hair down to style it. Amazing ! I quit trying to teach other people's kids hygeine.
I think it's just another
I think it's just another negative offshoot of the "free ranging" movement. Let Junior/Princess do as they please; they're "just kids."
:sick: :sick: :sick:
So true ! You can't tell
So true ! You can't tell them to do anything that might hurt their feelings or make them unhappy even for a slight moment !
what upsets me most is that SD takes these directions very well. she responds when DH tells her to do something, usually without any trouble. So why hesitate to be a parent????? lazyness?
Isn't it just being a parent?
Isn't it just being a parent? you have to remind them over and over to do things. That's teaching them what is expected of them in society. DH and BM apparently don't care or think that their child needs no guidance. They act horrified if anyone suggests they need to remind her of simple basic human hygeine and/or behavior. I just don't get it.
This happens all the
This happens all the time.........DH and I counted 4.5 days without shower and even longer w/o washing her hair. We even caught her in a lie - we turned the downstairs water/shower off and asked her when the last time was - AND SHE LIED - we called her out - she stood there for a minute giving me the "how dare you" look. I think it's funny! I no longer give a SH**! It's not worth my time or yours........
I will never understand this
I will never understand this issue. BM never makes SS13 take a shower. He comes to us with hair so greasy. He tells us she never mentions it so why bother. Here on our week, he must take a shower by 9:00 PM. If he hasn't he loses the XBOX for a day. Doesn't happen. One time stopped that. Now he takes it and all my husband has to do is stand in his doorway and ask him how many minutes until 9:00. That is once in a great while.
My BS is obsessed with being clean, sometimes takes two a day in the summer. Why do parents tolerate this. It is absolutely disgusting... They should lose privileges if they can not function as a normal human being. If there are consequences, the behavior changes. Why is that so hard to do?
I don't understand it either.
I don't understand it either. My SD12 never takes a shower and arrives from BMs with hair so greasy you could fry food in it. DF doesn't seem to notice. I used to ask her to take a shower but she would look at me like id asked her to do something so awful. Now I don't bother - if she wants to look and smell bad then I don't care anymore.
I won't allow it. I started
I won't allow it. I started pointing it out to DH and making comments in front of SS. That he is with us as a family and I did not want anyone to think that this was okay with me. Now DH sees it and the system was put in place and works.
Our hard part now, is hair brushing. He brushes before he leaves the house but when we are in the car runs his hands through his hair and since it is long, looks like a wreck. Funny thing is is bothers DH more than me and he has taken to keeping a brush in the car and brushes his hair when he gets out of the car, because SS only brushes the front. Drives DH nuts...
You seem to have made up your
You seem to have made up your mind that you will be leaving this relationship soon. Why engage in an argument about something like this? I would pick my battles and stick to those that have to do with protecting yourself and your children. You can't stand the kids, you can't wait to leave, why do you care if she stinks? If it's about stabding up for yourself or your own kids, by all means, whatever it takes, but this?
Because it is is disgusting.
Because it is is disgusting. Are you sure you are not a BM? Of course it is offensive to her, the kid is in her house and smells and has no hygiene.
Stepfamilyfriend to the
Stepfamilyfriend to the rescue! Yay!!!!
Bullying is acceptable?
Bullying is acceptable? Because you and one other are doing just that.
Paul - Apparently we are
Paul - Apparently we are bullying her and so she created a post to admonish us. Funny thing is she made it out to be outsiders bullying and not explain that she was being very harsh in her posts and was getting some push back. Somehow disagreeing with her is bullying. I can generally say I have never been accused of that before....
And stalking... Don't forget
And stalking... Don't forget she thinks you were stalking her because you wrote something to her twice in the same day!
Try and leave aside that you
Try and leave aside that you don't like what else I have written, and just look at this issue. Yes, OP was not asking for advice, but there is a reply button and many have advised, from locking her in the room, to shaming and so forth. So I gave the best advice I could think of. Not in the best interest of the child, although that would not have been a crime either, but just misplaced. The best I could think for the poster. In the last four days this poor mom and stepmom has posted her decision to leave the relationship soon. She has posted that she hates her life and is at her wits ends. She has posted that she is resorting to drinking. Now, if she was in this to stay, I would still say to pick your battles, and maybe this would be one to pick. Since this is something that is unraveling and painful and she has expressed desperation at her life, I truly believe that it is in her best interest not to invest time and emotion and aggravation for something that is not crucial. Protecting her 3 year old ( I believe) is worth it to the end. Pushing back against abuse, also. This taking a shower, I don't think so. Do you really think it is better for her to tell her to spend all day fighting over every aspect of this ending nightmare? THAT, is not sound advice, in my opinion.
Yes, I am addressing more
Yes, I am addressing more than just you, but this seemed the best place to insert my post.
No,I don't have a problem with your view on hygene.
But, she can win...why
But, she can win...why negativity? I did win this one. Trust me SS was a pain in the ass on this stuff and a few mocked comments from me to DH and he got the lightbulb moment. Now it is not a problem.
Why tell someone to let it go on this when this is something that is about hygiene and a child that is in your prescence smelling? This can be fixed. Why should a person have to be around that?
What I find even more
What I find even more repulsive is that SD has become "active" this past year - and still hardly showers!! Gross..........she'd rather spary her nasty spray in her room to cover up her smell. :?
Yeah, well... it won't take
Yeah, well... it won't take long for her "activity" to come to a screeching halt once people catch on to her stench and the news gets around...
There are lots of reasons
There are lots of reasons some kids dont shower. Some kids have never been properly taught-should they be by the time they are in puberty-of course they should but it is not there fault if there parents never taught them how NOR instilled the value of good hygiene. Some kids have sexual abuse histories-so being naked and vulnerable are things they avoid at all costs. Some kids are just very immature-they truly dont get that they stink. Some kids have low self esteems and are depressed. Lack of hygiene can be quite common in people who are depressed. And finally some kids are just oppositional-although this is more related to an occasiional refusal rather than a pattern.
I would invest some time in trying to determine what the kid is feeling that causes this behavior and move from there. I get the tempation to shame them-heck I've been known to tell my kids they are stinky from time to time-but you can also turn this into a positve experience-especially with the girls. Take them somewhere like bath and body works-get them there own stuff-and most will use it.
I used to have the same
I used to have the same problem with my SDs not showering. Now I have the opposite problem - they stay in the shower for about half an hour, use all the hot water, steam the whole top of the house up, leave sopping wet towels around in their room - to be honest it was better when they didn't - and since they are only here EOW I can just about keep a clothes peg on my nose for that length of time!
I did win and my SD10 knows
I did win and my SD10 knows the minute she walks in the house it's "SHOWER TIME" and it's to a point that I do not even have to say one word. She showers every day when she is at our house. I could care less what her BM does but when she's with us she will be clean..
Z