15 year old teenager and Bipolar?
I have been witness to seeing SS15 going downhill fast the last 3 months and Im wondering if he may be Bi-polar. He is suicidal, is now on anti depressants, has been suspended from school, is quick to flare up and even be violent, makes irrational decisions that are unsafe, has drug ideation (talks about wanting to take heroin and meth), has grandiose ideas, takes risks (which can endanger his life)and is moody . He is seeing mental health practitioners' so he is being monitored and has been staying in a mental health care ward where young suicidal/eating disorder etc inpatients go and no one has mentioned this as a possibility but his behaviour is so not normal "depression".
His BM has contributed to his unstable mental state over the years where she recently had the police serve a restraining order on her own son.....he lives with his dad FT (and has been told by her that he isn't his real father too)....We don't live together (wow we cant for obvious reasons)...but was wondering if anyone has had any dealing with theirs children or skids having been diagnosed with Bi-Polar and what happened?
I do not have experience
I do not have experience dealing with Bipolar kids in the home but wanted to say my prayers are with you and the child. If he has Bipolar he has a long hard road in front of him. Truly the best thing is to have him see a mental health professional and that specializes in Adolescent care and have him evaluated. If it is depression it is still a long hard road, sometimes counseling works fine, simetimes it is the meds that break in cycle, sometimes it takes both. There can he light at the end of the tunnel but it involves hard work on the parent part to help get the child to where they need to be and provide the resources they need.
My ex husband was diagnosed with Bipolar afer 10 yrs of marriage. I spent the next 4 years trying to help him.
Sadly he wouldn't stay on meds because he liked the mania (the natural Highs) they get.
Good Luck and Best Wishes
You said that your exH was
You said that your exH was diagnosed after 10 years of marriage..... Wow!!
What signs/indicators did your ex show you for him to seek help? He must have come across initially as being fine for you to want to marry him>>
If he is bi-polar and is only
If he is bi-polar and is only being treated with anti-depressants and not any mood stabilizers, the anti-depressants can make him worse as they may bring on a manic state. That being said - if he is being treated by a competent psychiatrist they should be able to recognize bi-polar and should medicate correctly.
Bi-polar is tough. When you medicate you have to walk the fine line between dealing with the mania and the depression. The meds for each one can bring on symptoms of the other. You have to identify if one end of the spectrum is stronger than the other and if the swing between symptoms happens regularly or is brought on by circumstance.
Mood stabilizers are the drugs of first choice. It can take months of trial and error to find the right combination of medications. It is more difficult with a teenager because moodiness is normal in a teen. Talk therapy is helpful as it can help teens take control of their actions and give them the tools to deal with the mood swings.
Do you know for sure that he is just on anti-depressants?
This is a great point ^^
This is a great point
Do you know for sure that he
Do you know for sure that he is just on anti-depressants?
Yes he is for sure and is only been given a 2 week supply due to his ability to pop pills to make himself sick....I don't call them solid suicide attempts but every time he has tried to commit suicide, he checked himself into the hospital so they can call his father and have everyone rally around him. To me its an attention seeking thing and if the world isn't revolving around what he wants, when he wants it and how to manipulate people into giving him what he wants right there on the spot, he tries to commit suicide....last time he took a hand full of paracetamol...no stomach was pumped. I know this is harsh when I say this but he is using the system to get his attention fix. And this is a direct response to his BM serving a restraining order on him...he is screaming out to her for attention....its sad but he is making everyones life a living hell and he dosent care.
The medical/psychological practitioners have him only as being depressed, but they verbally talk about these other indictors that could fit the Bi polar diagnosis (my diagnosis that is). (we recently had a group meeting involving all the stakeholders so we were all on the same page as SS15 likes to doctor shop and manipulate people/doctors to give him drugs and slimming pills so he can loose more weight *which he tried to OD" on once but only made him sick....his BM had given him some when he was a little bit overweight about 8 months ago and he has since been obsessive with slimming down more which is actually to an unhealthy weight).
It is not unusual for
It is not unusual for antidepressants to take several weeks to start working - or for symptoms to abate. Hopefully they are not expecting a huge change in 2 weeks.
Some of the behaviors you describe do fit bi-polar - but it sounds like he has other issues as well. Bi-polar is a definite disease, biologically based - not just behaviors. It sounds like the doctors are being open to the possibility - which is good. A fairly obvious indicator will be if he starts acting more manic once the anti-depressants kick in.
You have my sympathies. Bi-polar on its own is hard enough. It sounds like this kid has other issues as well - which can be compounded if he is bi-polar. At this point I don't know what else you can do - you seem to be doing all that you can.
Teenagers can deal with bi-polar and function just fine - it just takes the right combination of meds and therapy - and they have to want to get better. I know that is a cliche - but they have to understand and accept the illness in order to deal with it. Which will probably be even more difficult with the BM that is involved.
He may not appreciate it, but he is lucky to have you involved in his life.
This was my initial
This was my initial "diagnosis" too Tog and thanks for backing up my thoughts. Unfortunately he is exactly like his mother and I have her pegged as being Narcissistic BPD...too many traits of hers have been imprinted on him.
"The mood swings, angry outbursts, suicidal behavior, attention-seeking and manipulative behavior can all be Borderline traits. As well as the impulsive drug use, the dieting, etc, it's all part of it."...YES to a tee! Particularly the manipulation and the delight he gets when he has caused a scene. He actually seems to get off on the damage and hurt he causes.
He has been abandoned by her so many times and he keeps coming back for more and plays the victim card probably better than her and with the court case coming up in Feb next year, I dare say despite her own restraining order on him, she will try and find a way to contact him so she can swoop in like MOTY and take him to live with another family so he isnt officially living with his father at the time when court occurs (she doesn't want him living with her and her BF but dosent want her exH to have him as it might favor the father in the property settlement). So essentially BM makes the mess and the father has to be the bunny who has to clean up the mess and live with a very damaged teenage lad.
This is no joke. She has already done this last time they met in court in July this year....a week before court was to happen, she swoops in, collects him and then drops him off to live with a family in the middle of no-where who are unemployed, the teenagers have drug issues, they rarely attended school all because he must have been telling his BM that his father leaves him home alone...ummm the man has to work and if the kid is suspended from school...what?? should he take time off from work to baby sit a naughty 15 year old (told the teacher to f*** off)? He must have been complaining to his mother about how his father leaves him home when he goes off to work but the irony is that when she had him last year, she didnt stay 1 night with him in the family home (which is being contended in the property settlement) and only stopped in periodically to check in on him, leaving him often with no food in the house whilst she lived with her BF 40 mins away....This is true...his sisters who are 17 and 20 told us as SS15 (14 at the time) texted his sisters and they came around to see.
Its a horrible and sad story and if I hadnt have witnessed it, I would of said that its all made up.
So what the poor father is left to "deal with" is an angry, twisted, manipulative, narcissistic and self destructive kid hiding in a mans body, who hates the world and his father (BM even told him that he isnt his father...so what does that say about her then?)
Its getting tiring particularly when BM lives scott free, without having to deal with any of the issues or fall out and then she blames her exH and her son for whats happened and her way to deal with it all is to put a restraining order on her own son, so she can say to everyone..."I love my son... I so wanted him to live with me but he is too much like his father as he tried to verbally abuse me and my exH has turned him against me and now I fear for my life....so as much as it hurts me, I cant have him in my life".....** checks to see if people are now feeling sorry for her** and then cue tears!!
I can just imagine the show she gives to anyone who will listen. :sick:
So
If he dosent leave before
If he dosent leave before hand...here in Australia, kids can leave at 16 claiming they are "unable to live at home due to abuse or what ever reason" and the government gives them an allowance for them to live independently.
The fathers middle daughter took this avenue nearly 2 years ago, leaving a perfectly good home (with us at the time) to live with friends and her BM helped her to do this and to claim the allowance from the government (so theres a record of the father being abusive which is untrue). BM just didnt want her living with her either (her BF didnt want any of her kids), but didnt want her living with her father too as it makes him look like the stable parent.
Between you and me....I hope SS15 takes this option....the thought of continuing to put our lives on hold for him (we live separately and have been together going on 5 years...on and off due to these issues) drives me secretly wild...but I would never let on to him and besides, it is the right thing to do for this kid despite his outward ungratefulness and manipulation.
He has his counselling session tomorrow...talk therapy??? From what I can gather, people with BPD are difficult to treat as they lack insight. Its everyone else's fault.
Sounds like my SD19. Her
Sounds like my SD19. Her mother died two years ago. Both were control freaks, SD19 always blames everything on someone else. Come to think of it, so does SD13. I'm so sorry about your situation. Lots of good info for us SMs in this post. Thanks.
~ Moon
So far theres no official
So far theres no official diagnosis.....but just to say that SS15 is also depressed (alongside displaying these challenging behaviors) and is in desperate need to want to connect and engage with people....what? until he dosent get his own way then he sends down all mighty hell on the person who hasnt caved to his manipulative ways. He thinks he is soooo clever trying to manipulate others to do his bidding..get him drugs, or to give him money or to do what ever the hell he wants to do without recourse or consequences for anyone else's safety etc...he has told professionals that he wants to learn how to make/cook meth and heroin so he can loose more weight and wont stop until he does (he is dangerously close to being unhealthy weight now... but when I met him nearly 5 years ago he was an obese compulsive eater who would secret eat when he thought people weren't watching.)
The bottom line for me is a sad little boy (who is 6ft 4) grieving for his mother who in turn is an absolute bitch to him and displays similar (but more subtle grown up manipulative behaviors). People believe her because she is pretty and butter wouldnt melt in her mouth...but she is evil, has no heart and uses people to get what she wants. SS15 isnt at her level yet, but if the professionals cant help him to see what he is doing, he too will eventually be just like her.