You are here

12 yo step daughter

Drivemecrazy14's picture

At what point is it for your 12 yo daughter to have a boyfriend that she spends time with outside of school enough?texting, FaceTime, Snapchat, Instagram and time spent together outside of school.  Me and DH do not agree with the decision the BM makes by letting her go to her boyfriends house on weekends til 11 pm or later even if it is a group setting. Recently found a "hidden" picture of them with his arms around her laying in his bed. At what point is too much, too much? We can't keep her from doing whatever when we don't have her but what can we do since the BM obviously has no boundaries. 
 

DH plans on asking BM about it tmrw but I know it will be a blood bath because she doesn't care she only cares about her opinion and wants. 
 

thoughts?? 

advice.only2's picture

Start watching Teen Mom and calling DH grandpa it's only a matter of time.

We got custody of SD and had zero clue she had a serious boyfriend she had been having sex with at 10 1/2 almost 11.  Meth Mouth didn't care what was happening on her time as long as kids left her alone to get high!

Drivemecrazy14's picture

That is so horrible. What is wrong with people. We can't do anything about what she does on BM time. BM says it's better for her to do what she is gonna do and be honest instead of lie and hide things. She just turned 12.... 

 

what is wrong with today 

Left out mama's picture

CALL THE POLICE!!!!!! Right now!!!!!

Ummm.... your dh needs to file for sole physical and legal custody like yesterday!
this woman ( I use that term generously) should not have any unsupervised contact with children. 
If he won't than YOU need to call child protective services. 
A 10 year having sex is RAPE

Drivemecrazy14's picture

That was a response to my orignial post. SD was not having sex she was caught with a photo in her phone hidden of her and her bf at his house in his bed. Come to find out BM was there while it happened (her and The bf mom are newly friends) and didn't want to embarrass the child so she let her stay in his bed. 

BethAnne's picture

Talk to the boy's parents directly and find out where they stand on all of this. 

Also make sure sd is fully informed about birth control options and how to prevent stds. As suggested above a good dose of teen mom while she is with you wouldn't be a bad idea either. 

Drivemecrazy14's picture

DH planned on it but his parents and BM are "friends" and they think all they do is "cute" 

 

might try teen mom or 16 and pregnant. SD doesn't see anything wrong with it, all her friends do it so if she doesn't she will be the outcast. 

CLove's picture

And I hear of teens having "pregnancy pacts" too. so its cool to get pregnant.

Thisisnotus's picture

sickening....omg totally sickening. I have a 12,14 and 17 year old....no way in ever loving hell is the 12 year old doing that.

For me, highschool is fair game......that is a whole new ball game compared to middle school. No, just no to middle schoolers having boyfriends.

Drivemecrazy14's picture

Exactly. BM doesn't want to restrict her on anything, she will let her do whatever and if she makes mistakes she will correct it then. Not exactly the best parenting and in no way coparents with my DH. We believe in age appropriate things; football games, school functions, birthday parties. No FaceTime or Snapchat with boys but we can't control what she does when she leaves our house 

ESMOD's picture

He needs to have some real basic discussions about relationships and the seriousness of consequences.

CLove's picture

OK, so I dont have bios of my own, and while DH isnt always the perfect parent, he did tell me something that I have seen in other parenting places:

- parents must educate and teach their children to make the right decisions, even when they arent around. That means teaching SD12 about child rearing costs, abortion (thats what they did at my high school...to scare us from sex) diseases. Teaching and showing what happens if you have a baby (ewe). And about money and costs and "hey its realy no fun raising kids alll by yourelf".

Other than that - they will do what they want anyway when not with you.

Thats so sad that these kids are growing up so fast! Like, be a kid for as long as you can!!!!

Munchkin SD13 has no crushes and no desire to "do it with someone", thank goodness!!!!

Drivemecrazy14's picture

SD has proven to not make the best decisions already. She doesn't respect anything my DH says or thinks and always wants a reason why she can't do this or that. She is going to spiral out of control the older she gets and DH will be looked to by BM to fix it. 

DHsfamilyfromhell's picture

If bio mum doesn’t listen you may like to consider going to a solicitor with you partner for some advice on bio mums lack of parenting. Or this young girl at some point is going to end up pregnant and having an abortion, pregnant and keeping it and everyone else having to bring it up, or being involved in a rape case.

Oh my word- how would a 12 year old cope with a crying, teething colicky baby? 

My fourth child is now 1 and a bit. Severe teething - she has broken all family records in terms of decibels! Luckily I have the patience of a age, experience and wisdom to find it amusing (not amusing for her, I do give her calpol I’m not entirely mean). A young teenager would not have the patience for these things.