If one of my SS’s did this to my kid, seeing them again or having them anywhere near my child would never be an option. I wouldn’t tell DH he couldn’t see his kids, but they would never be crossing the threshold of my home again. 

You have a responsibility to your child, a 3 year old wouldn’t make something like that up. Do NOT let people pressure you into having him at your house, your DD comes first, end of story. If this kid is planning attacks at 11 years old there is something wrong with him & he needs therapy. At minimum. But having him at my house to keep other people happy? No chance. 

Never let him into my home again.  You will never forgive him or look at him anything else but a monster he is. No keeping anybody happy except your kid 

If a stepkid touched a hair on my child's head, never mind interfered with them, they would NEVER be allowed near my child ever again or be allowed in my home.

If DH chose to meet with SS outside of the home, that would be up to him. I wouldn't be happy about it but ultimately it would be his choice. Even in 5, 10, 15 years' time I would not risk bringing this dangerous influence near me or my child.

I am so sorry this has happened to your little girl, you must be beside yourself. No amount of BM pressure, DH pressure or any discussion from other family members would convince me to bring this SS back in to the fold.

Protect your baby.

BAN him...Ban him!! And do not feel bad or guilty. Your number one job is to protect your defenseless daughter from predators. He WILL do it again. 

Kid needs to be kept out of the house. However, I think it is wrong for your DH to cut ties with his child. A minor child who has probably been hurt some way himself. 

As horrible as it is, DH needs to stay involved and make sure this kid gets help. You don't have to see this kid again. If you want, but only if you want, you can set conditions on how things go forward, e.g. counselling, etc. 

The answer is simple; you don't see him. No matter what your husband wants to do regarding maintaining or cutting ties with this child, do not let him in your house. You as a mother have the right to protect your child and would be perfectly reasonable to refuse him entry to your home; at least DH is on your side regarding this. If he decides down the line he still wants to maintain a relationship with his son, that's up to him, but that doesn't mean you have to let him into your home or near your family. I hope your little girl is ok xx

You have every right to say he isn't allowed to come to your house or be around your daughter. In fact, I'd consider it a CPS issue if you DID allow him in your home.

I don't think it's right for your husband to "cut ties" with his son, though - he can be angry and disappointed and horrified and whatever, but it's his son, and he has a parental responsibility to him.  It's likely that your SS has been molested himself, and if he has been, this won't be the last thing he tries to do to another child.  Your DH should stay in his life and try to help him as best he can, given the circumstances.

People don't get to create kids and then "cut ties" with them when things go wrong.

Get a protective order for your daughter and make it legally impossible for SS to be in your home and around your daughter. Ban the kid from your home. Keep your daughter away by any legal means necessary.

Your DH, however, needs to get his son help. He's not allowed to be done with him. It's his responsibility to prevent his son from doing this again. Therapy is a good place to start. Being disgusted and heartbroken should motivate him to help his son so no other kid suffers.

If BM complains, tell her you will take phone to the police and demand investigation be re-openeed. 

Dad should insist his son get counseling.  Many times abuse by chiildren is the result of that child being abused.  Not that it makes what he did right, but that he needs help too.  Dad should try to see his SS out of the house.

You need to protect your baby from that monster. Period. Get a restraining order. Never allow him near her. 

What your husband does with his relatipnship and care for his kid is up to him and not your concern.

Your responsibility ends at your daughter. Protect her. 

Ban him from your home. Never see him again. 

Protect your daughter first and foremost. 

I agree with everyone who has posted.  But one note of caution.  Right now your DH is in agreement that his son should be kept away from your DD.  But we have all seen where that has changed after a few months of therapy when the bio-child is "better now."  Make sure you keep a copy of what you pulled off of the phone so that it can't be brushed off in the future as being less than it really was.  I am not saying that you should be suspicious of your DH but this is still new and it would be a normal reaction for him to need to convince himself that his son just "made a one-time mistake on impulse" rather than made a planned attack.

Others have already covered what you need to do to protect your child. You don't need a step parent venting site. You need a lawyer and a therapist. TODAY.

The CPS workers should have a list of therapists who treat juvenile sexual abusers.  There’s a lot of data out there that if they enroll in data their recidivism rate drops to single digits.  

He was a 2 yr old stolen from his mother in a supermarket in England by 2 ten year old boys, He was violated, tortured and left on a railway track. You can imagine the rest.

The cuprits are now in their 30s and released into the public. Despite years of incarceration and therapy one of the culprits was caught with child p**n images on his computer/ phone. Back to prison. Now the British Govt are spending hundreds of thousands of pounds protecting these 2 and giving them new identities. Yet they are always found out. The British govt are trying to find a country that will give them a fresh start. No one will take them. To be honest I do not know how the 2nd culprit is doing as the report only detailed the previously named John Venables.

Your stepson planned and executed this crime. I suspect his mother is horrified but trying to understand or make some kind of peace with herself or sense out of all of this hoping it will go away. It doesn't.

Some kids are just bad kids. They are psychopaths or sociopaths. They need to be kept away from other children. Your 3 yr old daughter shpould never be in fear for her safety. So DH needs to make it clear to his son he will be involved and will notifiy any family he chooses to befriend in the future. DH needs to let BM know that they cannot hide this and their son needs to understand the seriousness of his actions and behaviour. I hope all internet access is taken from this boy for the forseeable future and any school online homework etc is strictly supervised. That boy would not be having  a phone until he is an adult and pays for it himself.

Stand strong to protect your daughter. Do not let this predator near her. If people think you are being cruel or mean ask if they would allow someone who violated their child free reign of their home. That should shut them up.

Sure he’s still a child - but some children are just monsters that no amount of therapy will ever fix.  Pedophiles rarely are “cured”. 

Yes he’s only 11,  but look at the news. It’s not that rare for a 10 or 11 year old to commit hideous violent crimes including murder.   It’s not like he is 4 or 5. 

But all in all this NOT your child. You have no obligation to fix him.   Your daughter should never have to see him again for the rest of her life. She’s the one who needs help. 

Turn the mollestor over to the authorities, prosecute the little shit, get him on the sexual preditor's list for life.  

I have no tolerance for this kind of crap. An 11yo knows right from wrong and this is so egridgious that it needs the most severe and durable consequences that can be applied.

File charges against SS,  make the police do something.  Get an court order to keep SS out of your home.  

If he did it once, only got a slap on the hand, He will do it again,knowing nothing is going to happen to him.  

Oh my goodness. I have a daughter the same age. If anyone ever hurt her they would never step foot near us again. I'm glad you are standing your ground on that. She needs to know she can trust you to protect her now that you know what happened with SS. If he did it once, he will do it again and if he doesn't have access to your daughter, it will be someone else. He really needs to be put away. Sex offenders cannot be rehabilitated.

I definitely wouldn't let him back in our home,  ever again.  But I would also be concerned theat he is also being sexually  abused.  

He is old enough to know right from wrong at eleven. I would ban SS from my life/house completely and prosecute him. Why did the police not seize his phone as evidence. I guess it’s different in your country.  Actually I’m surprised people feel sorry for the boy. I wouldn’t if someone did that to my daughter. 

Do something.  Just can not let this kid on the world.   Once again never allow this kid in your home again.  Never let him see your DD.  Your DH has to see the kid outside the home.  Or visit him in jail latter in.

When my oldest was just shy of 12 years old, my ex and I discovered that he'd been sexually abusing our 8 year old daughter. My ex had adopted my son but the kids were half-siblings (both mine).

The first thing I did was call the police and my son was taken to the juvenile detention center. There were several trips to court and he was put into the juvenile correctional system in the sex offenders unit. I have to give a lot of credit to my state's system because the kids in this unit got a lot of therapy and the place he was at was decent. 

I also got my daughter into therapy. 

My husband and I divorced soon after, mostly for other reasons, but this situation would have been super hard for any couple. My ex wanted to kill my son for what he'd done and I understand the feeling but they were both my kids so while I abhorred what he'd done, my son was still my son. It was a very difficult thing to try to do the right thing for both kids but my priority was making sure my daughter was safe.

I did a lot of research on sibling sexual abuse and found that it's a lot more common than people think. Many families choose to sweep it under the rug to avoid the embarrassment of having anyone know. 

My son spent 3 years in the juvenile correctional system and then a year in a halfway house before coming home. I visited him every other weekend the entire time. 

My daughter's therapist thought she'd be ok but only time would tell. She's 26 now and I think ok. We don't have a relationship now due to other factors (her father and stepmother alienated her from me during a custody dispute). She's been with the same man for 7 years and they got married last year. Her younger sister tells me she's happy. 

My son has had a rocky road, not because of what happened but more because of who he is. He's now 31, has a good career as a tattoo artist and is about to be engaged. 

I don't know if the two of them ever talk, although they did when they were younger, when my son came home.

Sibling sexual abuse is rarely about sex. It's acting out for any number of reasons. My son never told me why. I believe he did it because he resented how my ex treated him versus how he treated our daughter. I don't believe he was ever sexually abused himself, though. I failed to protect my son from abuse by my ex. He was also emotionally and verbally abusive to me and I felt I couldn't handle being a single mom of 4 kids. Eventually the abuse turned physical and that's when I knew I had to get out. He'd also been cheating on me for years. It was a horrible situation.

I know how hard this is for you. You're doing exactly the right thing in protecting your daughter. With therapy, she'll probably be fine. Make sure to take care of yourself too; a good therapist can help you deal with all the confusing feelings. 

I do hope your SS gets help and BM doesn't just let this go. I know it's easy to just be angry at your SS and think he's a monster.

Please message me if you need to talk. I know it's really hard to open up to other people about this. I had a group for families that had dealt with this issue and will see if it's still active. You'll need support.

I am so sorry this has happened to your family.  Bottom line is SS needs help, professional help.  If I were you I would try to follow up and see what can be done legally and through CPS again.  You are doing the right thing by not allowing SS near your daughter.  Her safety is the number one priority.