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Am I done?

jenniferlynn's picture

I love s.2.b. so much. I love his kids so much. Every bad thing that could happen did happen. Since Monday, Tuesday, then Thursday. I want to get up and leave, but I can't. There is this part of me that won't LET me do IT! Is it the love stopping me? I always put others over myself, but I don't think I am this time. I can't see myself with out s.2.b. People say that I need to get out, leave now, they say I am so young.........but I am totaly in love with him. I can't leave............


Riley's picture

Sometimes the words we use cause more anguish than the actual situation. Using words like, "I can't..." reinforces our feelings of helplessness. Try telling yourself, "I can stay because I choose to...or...I can leave because I choose to..."

Being a step parent is HARD. It is not something that I would recommend one goes into without careful, reasonable thought about how it will affect your life. Unfortunately, we sometimes get into the step parent role without thinking about the realities of it because we "love" this great guy. And before we know it, we're in what seems like a trap because we love this great guy, but the "stuff" that comes with him causes so much turmoil.

Here's the best advice I can give you. If you decide to stay, then you need to become indifferent to the BM and her antics. Once you become indifferent to her, then YOUR emotional roller coaster will level out. Reacting to her is giving her way too much power.

Empower yourself by becoming indifferent to BM. Remember, hate is not the opposite of love; indifference is the opposite of love. When you can honestly say to yourself, "I don't care..." about any of the BM's actions or outbursts or whatever, then this won't seem so overwhelming.

If you decide to stay, own that decision and start determining what you will allow to affect you and your emotional well-being. And keep it all in perspective, knowing that this role of being the step parent will be hard, expect it to be hard, and you won't be so surprised when it is hard.

Take on this mantra, "Whatever" when it comes to issues regarding the BM.

Rae's picture

Excellent advise..I especially appreciate your comments about I can't versus "I can...choose." Your thoughtful post has given me a lot to think about. Also, I can see it's application in situations other than ones with the BM. Thanks!

Chocoholic's picture

I agree with Riley 110%. Couldn't have said it better myself!

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned"