NCP should have rights too! Its not like you and Dh wouldnt eventually find out on your own(through ss or otherwise) Most BMs who are known for the game playing are always up to something so I think its safe to assume that this one is, especially if she is trying to keep her move a secret. If she has been the one that has had the domestic violation charges and they were agiants her bf, or he has been arrested for domestic violence agiants her, then I would contact an attorney pronto, as some states will not consider those D.V. arrests as a reason to keep ss from visitation unless the violence was directed at ss. You can also contact your local DFCS and let them know your concern for ss saftey( in regards to possible visitation to her home) since she MAY be residing in the home where the violence has occurred repeatedly and that your concern is that if it has not yet, it is very possible that the violence could be directed at ss in the future. At the very least, I would seek a supervised visitation for ss anytime he is to see his BM. Please be active on the part of ss in this regard, no child should have to experience domestic violence or even witness it occurring in their presence...either way its scarring for the child.

why else would she want to keep it quite? Why would she essentially ask SS to lie to his dad? I hope you and DH had a discussion with SS about keeping secrets in your family. Keeping secrets is essentially lying and should not be tolerated. She's up to something, I would keep your guard up and do whatever you can to protect SS from the displayed domestic violence that takes place in BM's care.