Happy mom,

My bf's son behaves in ways that remind me of bio mom too. Bio mom is very materialistic and a spends money all the time. Son is always asking for things and....gets them. She uses buying him what he asks for as bribes! Aside from that the ex expects my man to pay for everything even though she already gets child support and makes really good money! Not just that, she goes around and talks about my bf's business like she is still part of his life and a decision-maker! Then she openly makes negative comments about him at sport games so other parents hear! She is evil and very very dispiteful. One more, she expects him to solve her problems for her....AUG! I am getting upset just thinking about it. Oh here is another one, at his son's sporting events his son acts less friendly becasue of her. This lady has a lifetime goal/agenda to have an influence in her ex-husband's life and make his life miserable...and try to benefit from his success and money....

Advice: as i have consistently read on this site--be supportive and loving to your husband and stepson. Express your feelings to your partner and as a stepmom, discuss parenting techniques and expectations w/your husband, set the rules/discpline together. discuss this as a family and w/your stepson so that when you discpline him---"stepmom and I have decided on such and such rules and both she and I wil enforce them...we expect you to listen to both of us..."

I'm lucky in that my BF has Zero contact with his ex. She sent him an e-mail on their wedding anniversary last year "Thinking of you often....Especially today....Wish we could be friends." She is poison, ran around with men she met on the internet for the last 4 years (maybe more) of thier marriage....so he wants nothing to do with her what-so-ever..told her to never, ever contact him again. His children are old enough that contact with her is not necessary.

You start out so much in love..you feel you handle anything, the ex's, the children, but it really does wear you down. It's what they want. Do not let them win. Take a hot bath, go for a massage, take up tennis, squash, whatever it takes to de-stress. As time goes on she will be less and less involved in your life. As far as the children go...that's one of my issues I'm still working on. It's a touchy subject with me right now...
We may always be the outsider(s) to them...

Oh, Honey, I understand all too well. I wish you weren't in the position you are becuase you're probably a sweet person who thinks, "I should just stop feeling this way." I know I try telling myself to knock off the jealousy, or whatever it is, when I hear my fiance talking about anything besides my SS with his ex-. My cousin, who married a man with an ex-, put it perfectly when she said that my fiance is much like her husband--a really nice guy who's not going to tell her to just shut up. It's just not him. It's wonderful to have such a considerate husband but very hard to see him being at all considerate to the ex-wife.

I don't know what drives these women to think that their ex-husbands should still provide them emotional support. When my finace's conversations with the ex- turn to anything beyond my SS, it's NOT because my fiance takes it down that path. It made me completely crazy the other night when she started telling him how her company is downsizing and her job could be in jeopardy. I hate to see him worried about her finances, but he does because of the way it might affect that wonderful little boy. The child will NEVER want for anything--we'll see to that (without spoiling him, though).

I have a theory on WHY she talks to my fiance about some of the things she does... With money matters, she KNOWS he cares and that he may step up to help with something for their son (but he DOES clear it with me first, thank goodness). The other thing is, I don't believe the woman has any girlfriends. She's made a couple of comments to me about only hanging out with her family and that she's only vacationed with family, never friends. I then realized that she's never mentioned hanging out with the girls and it made me wonder if it's becuase she has none. I find that sad because I'd die without my girlfriends... but it doesn't make me wanna be friends with her!

So, Biomom, hang in there. Try to concentrate on the good things you have and thank God that you don't need to turn to someone completely inappropriate for any kind of support.