Is it worth it?
I just found this site while searching for anything that might help me deal with my BF's ex-wife and her recent tantrums. We have been together for four months, and it was only last week that she went crazy and twice put their sick almost 3 year old son in the car in the middle of the night so she could come scream at my BF for having a girl at his house. Since then she has been harassing my BF and he has started changing our routines to avoid any drama with her. And he has pretty much shut down emotionally with me. They have been divorced for nine months, and separated for two years. He says she didn't do this with the other girlfriend he has had since their divorce. She left him for another man, a married man who did not follow suit and leave his wife for her. She's really unhappy and now she is on an all out attack to make sure my BF isn't happy either. She has been begging him to get back together for the sake of their son and he has refused. I'm afraid that she will become more desperate, while my BF thinks it will all blow over.
I have to admit that reading all of your blogs here has scared the crap out of me. I love this man so much, and I love his son. I don't want our relationship to end, but I don't know if I can handle the stress to our lives that this woman is causing.
Please tell me that the benefits outweigh the burdens.
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Comments
BF needs to stick to you.
Wow, she is finally realizing that you BF is the one for her. I guess that's too late for her. Your BF needs to stick to his feelings for you and blow her off. I'm glad to hear that he thinks it's going to blow over. She'll get the picture one of these days, hopefully soon. Don't worry too much about that, as long as your BF sticks to his decision to be with you.
He's sticking with me
I think she's also realizing that he loves me now. Since we've been dating he has finally moved everything out of her house (used to be their house) and he has stopped letting her come over to his place to pick up their son because when she would come over she would run all over his house, and I told him that I didn't think it was appropriate, especially after she used his private bathroom and made a snide comment about my pink razor in the shower. He's put a lot of distance between them since we have been dating. He's had one other girlfriend since they split but it wasn't serious and he didn't make the changes that he's made with me. My therapist said that she's realizing that he loves me and she's lost him for good. I think she always thought that he would take her back because of their son. That's a risky little game to play though.
We had an enjoyable evening together last night, but I'm parking my car down the street from his house now, just to be sure. I would hate for her to take their son away from my BF because of me. It's just so frustrating, but in the end, my BF is definately worth it.
Biomom will always be in our life, DAMN!
I hate the fact that biomom will always be in our lives because of her son....I have to deal with her bullshit til' he is 18 yrs of age. And with that fact, she's feeding her son's mind with shit about me and so son treats me like I'm not around. I just can't wait til that day comes when son turns 18 and I can tell her off.
Biomom always in our life...it's ok.
You have to stay positive and do what is right for your stepson. My husbands exwife is a lying, manipulating, control freak, alcoholic, rude upon all get out teacher. It is truly disgusting how this woman behaves. It makes me sick to my stomach. How my husband ever married her is the question we constantly ask ourselves. OF COURSE, she tries to poison the boys minds against us whenever she can. BUT...we limit contact as much as possible so there is no engagement with her for the children's sake. They see us for who we are, when they are with us. The boys know that I am as loving to them as I am to my own children. I do not pick favorites. I am always fair. Just be the best person you can be and always, always be fair. We are all examples for our children. The best we can do, is be our best and hopefully the kids will live our example. Talk to them, read to them, and educate them while you have them. If you are good to them, they will love you. Do not wait for that 18th birthday. Their childhood is precious and it SHOULD NOT BE RUSHED! Enjoy the good moments. Try not to let the bad moments get you down. We laugh off much of her craziness. Sometimes we truly feel sorry for her because she definitely needs counselling, but won't go. As crazy as it seems, when she is at her worst, which is right now and that is why I am even on this blog, I pray for her and I workout. IT REALLY HELPS!!! Believe me, I hate her. She is really the only person in the world I can say this about. But never speak badly of her with your stepchild!
Funny
That's funny! I say that sometimes too!! By the time stepson is eighteen I probably won't even want to bother telling biomom off. We'll see I guess!
Dawn
Dawn....
Who knows maybe I'll blow up before that. I know we have to stay calm but when you are at the edge, sometimes people need to be told what they are doing wrong.
Well..
I could have written your post!!
The BM exploded when we got engaged. She had been difficult but bearable until then.
It may blow over, but be prepared for it to take a while. (Years rather than months.) Your BF needs a water tight contact schedule with his son, to minimise the contact he was with her. If she's a screamer, pick-up and drop-offs at a neutral place (e.g. police station) and all communication via email. He is right to do what is needed to avoid conflict and confrontation with her, especially if this is what she is looking for.
It DOES get better. When we were first engaged, she used to abuse him on the phone, deny him access to the kids, steal things etc. All of that has stopped because we have disengaged and she can't get to us as easily as before. She still tries to upset us, and always will, but it's really minor things in comparison.
Hang in there!
The police station
Child exchanges at the police station. I love it.
cornflower....
You are funny. I like about the comment you made about the police station drop off & pick up place... I can't stop laughing. Thanks for your insight.
That's a good question!
Is it worth it? Sometimes I wonder myself! Would I do it again? I don't really know. Don't get me wrong. There have been many good times and I love my husband but biomom just continues to do things that I just can't forgive or forget!! It just gets me down about the whole situation. I wish I could just not think about what biomom does but I'm not there yet. It also doesn't help that while my stepson is a very smart, kind and mostly good natured child, he is very difficult at times!
I guess it is a work in progress.
Dawn
We won't be friends
Thanks Dawn. I agree with you about not being able to forgive and forget. The ex-wife has now set the tone for the future. Even if she tried to be nice (which I am strongly doubting will ever happen) I will never trust her intentions, and I will never forget the way that she is behaving now. In some ways I feel sorry for her, because she obviously has some issues that she needs to get help for, but then again, why should her emotional problems affect my life? That's what I get for falling in love with a divorced man, I guess. But he's just such an incredible man, and an awesome father, and I do believe that he's worth it. Too bad she didn't see that when she had him.
You are right! It is a work in progress!