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Co-Parenting Therapy...Whos's done it and what does it entail

MelissaNY's picture
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It was recommended my ex and I attend Co-Parenting Therapy do to the multiple issues we can't agree on. We both share joint legal custody and have to agree on certain issues and when we don't its a stand off. I'm willing to try for the children my ex well not so much and if he does I can see him just complaining about how I do things the whole time. Can anyone tell me how Co-Parenting Therapy works? I've been to a marriage therapist before but im sure its different. How long do you typically go for? Not to be negative but I don't see it working with my ex so I don't want to be in "therapy" every two weeks fighting with my ex till my kids age out of the system.

Thumper's picture

I have 20years under my belt with xdh.

Long story short---if it is suggested you enter into co-parenting 'therapy' it is not going to help.

Would you consider this?
Since you and your x seem to live relatively close, close enough to attend therapy. IF you and he have not decided on completely 50 50 physical custody---now is the time to do it.

You wont need therapy.

Co-parenting is mostly impossible especially when one parent is not seeing the kids as much as the other parent IF they are fit and willing to.

Some things your good at, some thing he is good at. Just like your marriage.

Your ex cant be unfit since co-parenting therapy was suggest. WORK harder on letting go of why you divorced him and work harder on how you will make the kids easier...not seeing both parents equally is NOT going to help them, it will hurt them.

jmo

***my xdh and I, 6months post divorce decided on 50 50 equal physical custody. NO support exchange. Times were hard, money tight. BEST decision ever made. Kids thanked us for allowing them freedom to love dad and mom.
Less drama, less stress, and yes less money. Those were some of the best days ever.
actually.
We are great divorced parents...just not a good married couple.***

BEST WISHES

MelissaNY's picture

Thank you for answering. We already share 50/50 custody. That's no the problem. He gets the kids one week and I get them the next. The problem we are having is my ex complains about how I run my household and wants to control everything I do with the kids and he will complain to anyone who will listen including the children's therapist to the judge. Basically he's a control freak. I would be happy to mind my own business and let him parent then way he wants but he refuses to give the same to me. He complains about everything from what the kids watch on TV at my house to their bedtime to who picks them up at school and the list goes on....

Thumper's picture

Joint custody is not 50 50 equal physical custody. Like week on, week off for example. Verses dad has eow. Is it 50 50 or full physical at one home, every other weekend at the other?

PS...dad and you will have to learn that neither one can control what goes on inside the other parents home. IF he does not like the way you xyz realistically he must learn to let it alone. IF he has trouble with something about school, he should take it up with the teacher.

Can you give examples of what he is unhappy with inside your home?
WHY does he know these things to begin with.

Here on st there are wonderful people who may have had the same experiences with ex-husband/wife that you have. I know someone can help.

MelissaNY's picture

He gets the kids one week and I get them the next. So its 50/50. The problem we are having is my ex complains about how I run my household and wants to control everything I do with the kids and he will complain to anyone who will listen including the children's therapist to the judge. Basically he's a control freak. I would be happy to mind my own business and let him parent then way he wants but he refuses to give the same to me. The problem is he has no life outside the kids. He complains about everything from what the kids watch on TV at my house to their bedtime to who picks them up at school and the list goes on.

He knows what goes on at my house as he "drills" the kids...What time did you go to bed? What did you do at mom's house? Does mom's husband ever punish you? If so how?

Yes the court has told him not to do this but there is no real way for them to hold him to it or if there is no has done anything about it.

ยป

ishouldrun's picture

I had to do this with my ex. It was a nightmare. He used the hour every other week to maintain contact and fight, actually going as far as making obscene gestures to me in front of the counselor. I suffered through it for months thinking it would help my kids - nope ex was an absolute ass and it didn't change. Finally, the counselor saw through it and said enough is enough this just isn't working. So basically I paid lots of $$$ to go fight with my ex which is the reason we got divorced in the first place. He was a first-class nightmare and thankfully has been out of my our lives now for 10 years. Good luck.

Thumper's picture

Melissa: stepmom23456 gave great advise and I would do the same.

In as much as you don't like that he asks the kids 1000 questions, it is not unusual to do that. Hey, what did you do at moms last week? What time did you kids get to bed?

**I know I would not be happy if my ex allowed the kids to walk 1mile to the store OR where ever without an adult. Not in this day and age. Now back in the 1970's ..sure. But 2018, no way. Oh believe me, I have been asked 100 times and my answer is still NO. YOUR TOOOO protective Mom.**

One more thing Melissa: Just something to think about ok?
You wrote:I would be happy to mind my own business and let him parent then way he wants but he refuses to give the same to me.

It appears your causing some trouble too. ???? No need to respond to that.

Melissa someone has to mind their own business, why not it be you? The court has already told him to essentially buzz off, right? The Judge didn't scold you.
I would not respond anymore to him unless it is necessary. KWM?

Aunt Agatha's picture

Could you go back to court and require contact only through Our Family Wizard?

If a judge has already warned him, then this is harassment and you may be able to severely restrict his contact with you.