How do I tell what drugs SS17 is currently doing? He's been smoking pot for years (and has had punishments & lost privileges every time but he's dedicated to defying our rules & the LAW & keeps the b.s. going, in spite of everything), but lately at night I'm hearing (while DH is blissfully asleep) some stuff that I can't identify. Mainly it sounds like a click (but not a lighter) and then I hear SS seemingly sniff one or two long sniffs. So I'm just grasping at straws trying to see if anyone has insight on what this could be, based on these sounds. Of course I could test SS but I stopped blowing $$ on drug tests after discovering the lengths SS is willing to go to to lie, cheat & keep using.
I am trying to maintain my emotions but am building up toxic inside at the ongoing disrespect, lies, and drug use, and how his BM gets to use him as a weaponized prop of disention in MY home! I've focused on the fact that SS is 17 & graduates high school next year (God willing) because I cannot WAIT to be not living like this anymore. I've read about much worse teenage skids here so I do try to stay grateful, but OMG I hate HATE having an untrustworthy, lazy, manipulative liar in my home. Granted, there has been some progress & SS got a job finally, but excruciatingly slow and SS seemingly reactivates his default "lying is useful & okay" mode that his BM successfully trained him in each day upon waking. I just want him to stop disrespecting his dad, me, our home, and most of all, himself. His hygiene suffers as does his health (yes, I have become the woman who bleaches the door knobs, handles, light switches, fridge door, etc., because SS rarely washes his hands) and his romantic life (good looking kid but the zits & crusty teeth & fat belly/moobs), not to mention financial (no job until just recently, plus flaked out on prior job leads or any actual job-hunting).
This SM experience is hard on my heart, mind & soul. For today, I can detach & let SS & DH deal with the consequences. I just feel like the pattern has been that the b.s. activities escalate, I suspect but cannot prove, DH doubts and triangulates, SS plays innocent and spews indignant outrage at being questioned/doubted, and I get to be the bad mean person who is paranoid & would never be happy even if SS was perfect (SS has said that last one to DH... but never when I was in the convo). It's an exausting flow of b.s. and I am anxious for this kid to move on, even tho I'll be waiting another year.