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Annnnd another one..

Sarowyn0608's picture

Sorry! I never have this much free time and so now I'm bombarding all u guys. It will stop, I promise haha.
(My girls are with their dad and baby is with gma and gpa and house is clean.i guarantee this won't ever happen again Blum 3 )

You guys are very knowledgeable and provide some great ideas that I wouldn't have otherwise thought of myself.
We are quite happy with our family and schedule, but now I'm wondering if I should change it.

My girls come home on Sunday's at 4 pm. Stay until their dad picks them up the following Sunday at 4 pm.
SD comes EOW, and we purposely set it where she's here on the weekends my girls are home. They all truly love eachother and honestly I have more probs with sibling rivalry between the oldest ones than with the youngest girl. We all look forward to SD coming, we plan our big outings for those weekends (if we are blowing cash- might as well treat them all!) they all get to be together and they all love it.
It's clear to me that SD is feeling insecure about her dad. (Some actions and her words) it's surprising to me that we didn't deal with ANY of that before the baby came. But- ok. And it didn't even really start after baby was born- it started when he was about 6 months old. Anyway regardless of why, this is how she feels.

My ex and I are friendly and flexible. It would be very easy to switch the weeks so that sd comes when no other kids are here (except baby ofc) so she can have almost all of dads attn. let me mention a few things first/

Because of 2 planned trips with their dad, we have had 2 weekends in the last 2 years where my girls weren't home. Sd came. She was SO upset that they weren't here and bored out of her mind. Yes of course DH played with her and took her out visiting family etc but she still wasn't happy. She missed her sisters!

I want to take everyone's feelings into account. Before anyone jumps all over me, I want to make it clear that ALL THE KIDS COME FIRST!
So pros for changing weekends: Sd gets more one on one time with dad, baby and I.
Only two kids to manage on that weekend.

That's all I can think of but that doesn't mean there aren't more!
Now, cons:
The girls will never see eachother and be together causing great sadness
DH and I lose our almost kid free weekend (we usually send baby with gma and gpa for a night so we can just hang out together).
There isn't that feeling of "big happy family" and togetherness.
Baby as he ages won't have any memories of being with all his sisters at the same time, which even now at almost 9 mosnold he loves when they are all here and play with him.
I'm not convinced it the best thing for SD, or the others.

Thoughts? And please be nice. I'm having a wonderful day and just looking for ways to better and strengthen our family and attending everyone's needs.
And for the record, DH is 100% against switching the weeks!

Sarowyn0608's picture

Ty! Honestly my own kids' feelings come first. And surprisingly, when DH and I talked about this, his reason for being against it was because how it would affect the other girls and the baby. When asked, we both say "we have 4 kids". He knows that his daughter is very neglected at home, and the. When in the care of other family members on her moms side she is #1. Poor child is probably SO confused!
Here, she has her own bed, toys, clothes, spot at the table, chores and responsibilities. She is very much a part of this family and we all make it known to her.

Can u please suggest ways for my husband to help his daughter feel better? His time is equally split between all of them. When doling out food or treats or stickers or whatever, he randomizes who gets first dibs.
Perhaps on Sunday's he should take her out alone? Not really sure how to help him.
Thanks again

Sarowyn0608's picture

^ this is the point I keep coming back to in my mind for sure. Although sometimes we do have the baby, there are often times we don't for a night and being alone together is incredible!!
I agree with the impression it might have on SD. DH and I decided it's best for the family if he just had time alone with her. All three girls leave 4 pm on Sundays..maybe now sd "has to be home a bit early" (as far as the other kids are concerned" and DH can spend that few hours alone with just her and I too get alone time with mine.

Sarowyn0608's picture

Sd lives 45 mins away, so DH would not even get to her house until 7 pm. Not really doable with a 4 ur old who has school.
Sunday dad and daughter dates could def work.

Sarowyn0608's picture

And even if he lived in the same housing block as sd- he would t be given the time anyway. BM is..special.