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Just venting... (video games, general parenting)

Tater salad's picture

I just wanted to vent because I think this forum understands better than anyone I have in my life. My wife tries, but let's be honest... until you been a step parent, you have no idea how shitty it can be.

Today's battle is one I don't normally fight. We had three weeks of no kid. SD is 8 and her father is an die hard gamer, alcoholic, works for a few paycheck and quits kinda guy. He has been more stable lately because he has a new woman to shack with and that is when he behaves, proposes, and tries to seal the deal before they discover who he really is. I digress.
So SD spent 3 weeks with them and the new gf's kids. Before we had a "hour a day" rule on video games. Now she got in the car from the pick up and immediately asked for a tablet or phone. Answer was no. Went to eat dinner out together, wife SD and I, and she wanted to play on their table tablets. The answer was still no. "We haven't seen each other in 3 weeks, lets talk"
Today is my mother's birthday and wife and I are making a fancy cake for her. SD says "Can I play sims (on a PS3 in the living room) while you bake?" and wife throws me under the bus. I'm 5 feet away and she says, "You'll have to talk to ____. She is the one with the problem with it."
Now I'm a bit mad, but SD is around so I have to bite my tongue just a bit. I said, "What is it? Why are you talking about me like I'm not right here?" and so my wife says, "She wants to play Sims while we decorate the cake." I reply, "Why are you asking me? She is your kid. If you want her to grow up to be mush brained idiot who won't hold a job or finish or even go to college because video games are so much more important, then that is your business. I'd want better for my child."
So now SD is pouting because clearly she didn't get a yes out of me. Once the pouting starts, it doesn't stop... only gets worse... even if she does play video games. That is the other part of the equation... she gets violent playing them. Even Sims and Minecraft... she gets outright horrid when it's time to put the controller down.
Now, I play video games. I grew up getting a NES when I was about her age. But I didn't live for it. Hell, we'd go days or weeks not playing it because there were things to do outside. Video games, to me, should be a once in a while thing. Not a daily staple. And given her father's addiction, I'd be even more cautious.

So my wife tells me as they are out the door to go to horseback riding lessons, that I'm just wanting to control the house. I stated again that I didn't care how SD turned out. I just would like to have the living room from time to time (that is where the PS3 is) and that her hour a day has turned into endless hours and if you want to watch a movie or something you have to get her off the thing... and then she has a meltdown.

So I'm thinking of taking my PS2 and putting it in SDs room. I don't play it anymore. I would love to be able to stream movies or music in my living room. That was the biggest reason I got a PS3 years ago. For streaming.

I don't agree with letting a child play video games endlessly, but she really isn't my problem. If something happened to my wife, I'd never see her again. That is the rub on this step parent bull crap. You get judged in public for their behavior, but you get no vote on anything. So if my wife (and obviously her bio dad) doesn't mind her playing video games instead of living a real life, then what do I care? Oh yeah. Because SD will be 30 and still mooching off my wallet, that is why. F*#@!!!

Tater salad's picture

I didn't get a chance, but I will say something to her. Just yesterday before we got SD she agreed with me about unplugging, which is why she followed through with it. Today, totally different story. Why? Because it keeps SD quiet. I just bought SD legos too, since she likes minecraft. Those things aren't cheap!

But again. Not my kid. I don't get a say in how this train wreck is happening. I just have to watch (and pay).

I have flat out told my wife that if it was anyone else but her, I'd have left by now. I'm holding out for 18, but truth is with this game obsession... she'll be around a hell of a lot longer than that. Grrr

The worst part is when I came onto the scene, it was youtube. And wife told now SD that she didn't want to have her hooked on electronics. Guess that was a show for me. :/

Teas83's picture

It drives me nuts how kids are becoming addicted to screens at such a young age now. My husband and I each have an iPad. He always brings his along when he picks up or drops up SD to give her something to do.

There was one weekend recently where his iPad had died and he asked if he could bring mine along for SD to play on. When I said that he couldn't bring it along, he asked, "Well what will she do for the whole hour she's in the truck?" I told him to bring along some f*cking books or tell her to look out the window. He acted as though she was going to die if she couldn't stare at a screen for the ride back to our house. I don't know why some of these parents want their kids to be such zombies.

ETA: I just realized that SD has been bringing her iPod from BM's house for the last few visits, and it started the very next visit after the time she didn't have my husband's iPad to play on in his truck.

Tater salad's picture

THANK YOU!
What is so bad with looking around and talking to people that you are near? My SD is terrified to go play with the neighbors kids. She says she is afraid of looking stupid. --- for asking if kids can come out and play.... then she immediately says "i'll just play (enter game name here)" ARG!

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

I have an 8 year old girl. I get you on the MInecraft Legos. They are expensive!!!!!!! But you and I are on the same page. I'd prefer she engage in real play then video games. She does have an ipad with Minecraft on it and she does enjoy it. We do have a playstation3 and a Wii. But honestly it isn't a problem. She'll go days and days and days or weeks or months and not touch either. THen she'll play for an hour and it'll be a long time before she wants to play. I think those things are for rainy days.

Tater salad's picture

That is what I want for my SD... that is how I was and still am. But no, this is a real issue. I'm thinking about filming (I film for hobby/extra money) a average day and letting the wife see. I really think she doesn't see that it is daily and for hours now when she is the one who said "an hour a day".

I tried everything. I'm at my "I give up" point about about to buy a PS3 for SD's room. At least then I can stream music and movies for myself. We don't have a TV in our bedroom. So I can't watching TV unless it's in the living room. Anyways. Yes. As a thing for a rainy days and such, video games are fine. But wake, play, pause to eat or pee, play, then bitch a fit when it's bedtime... it ain't working for me.

Tater salad's picture

That is what I want for my SD... that is how I was and still am. But no, this is a real issue. I'm thinking about filming (I film for hobby/extra money) a average day and letting the wife see. I really think she doesn't see that it is daily and for hours now when she is the one who said "an hour a day".

I tried everything. I'm at my "I give up" point about about to buy a PS3 for SD's room. At least then I can stream music and movies for myself. We don't have a TV in our bedroom. So I can't watching TV unless it's in the living room. Anyways. Yes. As a thing for a rainy days and such, video games are fine. But wake, play, pause to eat or pee, play, then bitch a fit when it's bedtime... it ain't working for me.

teacher's picture

I have this same problem with my SD. When she is with BM she gets to have an Ipad in front of her face ALL the time. It's BM's babysitter. At our house, there is a video games on only the weekends rule and only one hour. I have to constantly hear the phrase "But at mom's house..." Why on Earth does anyone think it's ok to let your child sit in front of a video game for longer than one hour just a couple times per week? There's so much research out there on how badly this effects the brain.