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23yr old ss top priority in household

marshall52's picture

I have read posts for years now here and this is my first post. I have been married to my DW for six and a half years. Both on our 2nd marriage. In my first marriage my stepkids were responsible adults who never live with us. In my present marriage SS23 has been with is the whole time. He has never worked and still not working and is taking a few classes here and there to get his two year degree and then move on to a 4 year school, He plats video games 90% of the time and does school work the other 10%. My DW has never been a parent, but his best friend, What he wants to do or not do is fine with her, He does no chores except take out the trash and empty the dishwasher. Of course only when he is told. His BF father has not been part of his life until the last few years and lives in the other state, He is suppose to go spend the summer with him in May as his father has health problems. But I doubt it as his stepmother doesn't like the lazy bum. Everytime I try and talk to my DW about her son should get a job she defends him and tells me he doesn't want to work at fast food restaurants or other starter Jobs, He is arrogant, Since we have no privacy at all we now live like roommates, I lost all interest in sex with her over a year ago and she has said nothing and not good, All intimacy has halted as I know I am second in her life and have no desire to try anymore. I want to have this marriage work out, but I see him never leaving the nest, I am 56 and she is 55 and makes all the money as I am unemployed and can't afford to leave or would be gone and not come back until he is out on his own, So each day I go out for part of the day so I do not have to be around him, I have disengaged and she just says nothing and never brings up our marriage thinking everything is ok. I will talk to her again and see if it does any good but don't have much hope. It is looking like this marriage was one big mistake.

Disneyfan's picture

"I am 56 and she is 55 and makes all the money as I am unemployed and can't afford to leave...."

Wait, your wife is supporting you, but you have an issue with her supporting her 23 year old son as well????

sandye21's picture

Ya, this comment got to me too. I wonder how long the OP has been unemployed and if he is contributing. Is it temporary or has OP been unemployed for 6 1/2 years of marriage? I can understand this if there are small children to take care of.

luv2luv's picture

Why are we piling on this guy for being a stay at home husband? When stay at home wives and moms come on here, we do not insist they get jobs to be contributing members of the household. There are plenty of older female posters here who do not work and they are never told their husbands can do whatever they want.

OP the thing is in some families supporting children till they are ready for the world is acceptable. In others not so much . You have to decide what you can put up with and see what she is willing to give up and then see if you guys can compromise. If not, it might be time to go.

luv2luv's picture

There are plenty of female posters in their 50s and 60s who do not work. They are mooches of their poor old husbands?

Not saying he shouldn't get a job but there are plenty of stay at home wives on these boards alone and while we tell them to get jobs to help get out of bad situations we do not call them mooches for choosing that life.

luv2luv's picture

There are plenty of women who stayed home in the beginning then never went back to work. They are all users and not doing anything?

Disneyfan's picture

That depends, is the person a BM or a SM as well?

The rule on ST seems to be that if the person in question is a BM who is SAHM, and then she's lazy, living off of her new husband and CS... If the SAHM is a SM, then it's perfectly fine to be a SAHM. Even if the SM/BM has other children she receives CS for, not working is just fine. LOLOLOLOL

Disneyfan's picture

He's complaining about the some doing the exact thing he's doing. His wife isn't using his money to support her son, so he really doesn't have a right to say anything.

I have said the same thing to SMs who complain about their husbands supporting/spending money on their adult kids. As long as he isn't using your money and isn't coming up short on his share of the bills, HIS KID, HIS MONEY, HIS CHOICE.

marshall52's picture

i do have an 800 dollar a month income I bring into the household from my pension from a job I had for 18 years and yes i look for jobs. Being 56 I cant even seem to get low paying jobs, I apply for a lot of different jobs, This kid should be gone for those of you giving me a hard time, I guess you would keep supporting a freeloader till you die, Glad I am not married to you. many husband are out of work guess they should just never say anything when problems arise especially in blended families.