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uneasy feelings

beckys5555's picture

I am a stepmom of 2 and have been in my husbands kids lives for 5 years. Their visiting schedule has changed a few times since I've been around but since last year with court orders in was finally set in stone. Court proceedings all started because my husband got ill- like pretty much lived in the hospital due to many different things and he could not work for over a year. My husbands ex wanted his 100 weekly disability checks careless that he was in the hospital. Two seperate occasions when I went to get the kids his ex refused to give them until she got her money. Which that lead to visitation schedules and eventually made her file for support. Anyway since he was ill he made it 2 days a week which were the days I had off to go get them..well some time later he's 100%better and we couldn't be happier. I just wanted to first explain why the scedhule is the way it is...anyway for some reason I've been feeling so guilty. Since they are only over 2 days a week. I feel like we should fight to have them more. I've never mentioned this to my husband since he has never mentioned more time with them. He seems to be ok with the schedule so why rock the boat? I guess I just feel guilty that we arnt trying hard enough to have them or he hasn't mentioned it to me or anyone. I just think if your noncustodial u should do whatever to be in their lives as much as possible. He does attend their activities and brings them lunch to their school , he does love them dearly and maybe this is just an easy routine but idk y I keep feeling like he should step up and be more no matter what it takes. Maybe he feels like he can't and has no control, he never has. Idk I'm not on here to bash my husband I guess I'm just wondering if any stepmom can related to this feeling...

hereiam's picture

I knew that my DH would have loved to have his daughter more but it was up to him to deal with BM and the situation as he saw fit. I respected that.

I never felt guilty, though, as I was not the reason that he did or didn't.

You have to let go of the guilt, it's not your fight.

beckys5555's picture

Idk what it is but he seems to agree with whatever I want. He says he misses them but never comes out and really pushes the issue. I don't push it either as someone else said it's not my fight. When court was happening I do remember him saying "I just want to get it over with" so he signed the agreement her lawyer came up with. I don't want to call him a push over but he kind of is. Like I said I would never push the issue or bring it up but I guess i just bring it up on this website because I don't understand it. I feel like if they were my kids, 8 days out of the month is nothing- I know not my battle, just sad to know another man in their lives (stepdad) really raises them.

Powerfamily's picture

Perhaps after being very ill for so long your DH is happy to have both his children 2 days a week because it gives him both time with them and you but also time to himself so he doesn't get ill again.

And he feels at the moment this arrangement is the best for all involved.