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bullies

nunya1983's picture

You guys talk about bullies all you want, but you guys are the bullies, I come here for a question or two,then you guys throw all this crap about some past payer who was horrible to her skids. I don't know who that person is, but it really sucks. I have legitimate issues that I'd like to talk about but every single time I post it's Sheldon this Sheldon that... I don't know who that person is... sorry I don't.

Yes I may post that bm made a cake for no reason and turn around and talk about easter candy, and about how much we gave vs how much she ate. My point in that was to show that she doesn't eat like that here.

Yes I'm trying to disengage, it's a work in progress, and sometimes it feels as though it's 1 step forward and 2 back.

I come here for advice and usually I can get it, granted mixed in wroth some harsh posts about how people don't agree with what ever... I may be a bit more authorItalian with my parenting than most. But so is dh... so we both agree with most of the firm discipline we give our kids.... he knows that disciplining my kids is my job and his disciplining sd is his... but we both agreed to keep recorder in the loop whenever we notice something. We view that as a mutual respect thing. If you don't agree, I'm sorry.

I don't know how else to get you to listen... I don't appreciate the false accusations... but this is getting insane, I've gotten nothing but false accusations today on my post with zero answers top my questions... this forum is either on high Sheldon alert or is just fill of nothing but bullies

ChokinOnLemonz's picture

Lol lol you do!

She's losing her mind BM does ghastly shit like...gasp ...bakes CAKES :jawdrop:

And her SD wants to be delinquent all using her money on books and stuff
Biggrin

ChokinOnLemonz's picture

Yeah but do your kids do evil stuff like buy books?

One minute it's reading, then the next lost to Book Clubs.

Living the Literate Life Sad

nunya1983's picture

OK but bm is calling dh asking him to discipline sd for eating 1/3 of it.... when she shouldn't have even baked it. .. that was the point. .. I was on the side of not our house, we didn't cook it. .. but yes, I shouldn't care. .. it's just hard when a child's life is at stake. .. but I know, I shouldn't

Disneyfan's picture

Her life is at stake, but you gave her candy for Easter. You're being overly dramatic or you're just as bad as the mother.

twoviewpoints's picture

I think the candy in the Easter basket was just to look at. Ya know, just a yummy looking no-no temptation to look at an dream about...but not actually eaten. Why else woul we be hearing a month after Easter about how OP just happen to see the chocolate bunny ears were missing and a few jelly beans were gone. :?

Who gives a kid a basket of candy, let's kid keep it on the night stand in kid's but expect all the candy to actually still be untouched and never eaten a month after the holiday? Who does that? Why give the kid candy in the first place?

And the money. How silly is it to give the kid $40 to keep in her bedroom that kid herself earned. She isn't to touch the money, let alone spend any of it and she must absolutely clear any and every cent with OP/Dad prior considering spending any of it. Back in my day, when I earned money were doing a task, I got to spend my money an/or save it or heck, toss it in the garbage. It was my money. I could stick a few dollars in my pocket to maybe spend if I knew I was going somewhere. The way OP's SD's money is protected, one would think it'd make more sense just to make SD leave it in a piggy bank in Dad's room under lock and key. Bargaining and negotiating when and/or if an what on a dime may be spent. But nope. Tempt the kid and let her keep it all in her room with her never to be eaten candy.

Makes me almost believe the kid is being set-up with all the normal temptations just to fail and see get punished. Sad.

nunya1983's picture

The child is allowed to spend her money on anything she likes, dh is trying to teach her how to Be frugal.

The child could have eaten all the candy in one sitting and still not have been as bad as eating 2/3rds the cake at bm's. That's not the point of any of my posts ivery posted

nunya1983's picture

A small amount of candy on a special occasion is not the same as a large cake for no reason.

Disneyfan's picture

You have said her life is at stake. If that is true, than giving her candy was a poor decision.

nunya1983's picture

I wasnt trying to control what bm does, I was merely trying to blow some steam off. Believe it or not I DO care about sd, even if she does drove me batty most of the time. My youngest daughter drives me completely insane most of the time too. Last night my own daughter had me in tears I was so frustrated with her. Guess what she's grounded for a week. Why? Because she wouldn't eat her fish. Yes I'm that petty. Why? Because the doctor said she is in the 38% 2 or 3 weeks ago and had since lost 3 pounds. So I'm forcing her to eat... I'm so horrible, aren't i?

Disneyfan's picture

Nunya, it's normal for a kid's weight to yo-yo. It's hot now. Most kids are out and about participating in sports, spending more time running around, bike riding... They also tend to eat less in the as it gets hotter compared to winter time. Losing a few pounds this time of year is normal for an active kid.

All of these kids are bound to have issues with food.

Keep grounding her for not eating/forcing her to eat and you're going have a kid with a eating disorder on your hands.

I feel bad for all of those girls.

Willow2010's picture

I was wondering why you were getting soooo much crap over your seemingly mild post. meh...apparently some think you are a past poster. I don't know my self.

I also don't know why people continue on a blog just to beat up the OP weather they think you are Sheldon or not.

I myself do not know one way or the other. I also don't think what you did was horrible to your skid earlier. Good luck but not sure you will get much help now that the masses think you are Sheldonfan...sorry

nunya1983's picture

My original story is the only story... sorry period dot... you keep making crap up maybe you got confused with your stories.

What happened is what happened... the only one who kept changing things up was you. Maybe you are reading your own story into it and feeling guilty. I did nothing wrong

nunya1983's picture

Sorry I've never done anything to emotionally damage my sd, and I've never changed my story, you can go through the whole entire post and read all of my replies... the only one who has changed anything was you. Sorry, period dot.

The only thing I did was call you out about your screen name, our dogs you forget your screen name was ditzy?

When you kept throwing false accusations left and right, yes I became livid and told you you had no clue (maybe I added a word in there somwhere). But can you blame me? Nobody likes to be falsely accused of doing things you described to children... it takes someone real sick to do those things... and to be accused of things like that is horrible

nunya1983's picture

OK, you are you not the one saying that I lied and I actually went and told dh that sd did this and that and what ever... those are false accusations. period dot

nunya1983's picture

Still dont owe you an apology, because you ate still wrong. I wasnt parenting sd, I would have done the same to my nieces or nephews. I wasn't being loud. I spoke to her in a normal voice. I'm not going to whisper in my house. I didn't even know that her money was for the book fair until she spoke to dh. I didn't know dh and her had previously spoke about her purchasing books from the book fair until she spoke to dh. at this point I don't care if you believe what I say or not... I'm tired of this crap...

I'm not leaving so if that's you're trying to do, give up.

zerostepdrama's picture

I am basing my opinion off of NUNYA. I dont know if you were some other poster and I dont care. I'm basing what I think about you and your situation off of NUNYA's posts. No one else's. Its repeat behavior with you. Since you dont have a blog, I cant go back to give you some examples.

nunya1983's picture

I know, I acredit irrationally and deleted my account when me and dh got into an argument... sorry... so I made a new one... I do not bully my sd. I think that dh may be hard on her sometimes... but when he just kinda poo poor at her lying then it just gets worse... and she is getting better at it... I'm serious... if it wasn't for her awkward hand placementioned I wouldn't have known anything, her face didn't give it away at all... dh and I are very authoritarian when it comes to our parenting styles... dh has gone and been harsh with sd, and even in my posts before I'd admitted that.

Sd gets on my nerves sometimes... and I used to think this was a safe place to vent about it... I've learned that is not. Especially when people think you are some sociopathic SM. But honestly my own kids get on my nerves to, but this is supposed to be a forum for Step parents to vent... so I leave that to my own mother...

nunya1983's picture

OK, maybe I should have re read my own post, the question was supposed to be what would you guys do, or suggest to do. I would have been more severe with my own children. Taken away a priveledge, or something more severe. part of what I patted must have got deleted when I was trying to fix some things before I posted it. Like I said I'm on my phone posting. In between clients

nunya1983's picture

When people are harassing you and spreading lies about you trying to make people think horrible things about you that aren't true, that's bullying.

ChokinOnLemonz's picture

Kind of like being a little kid and having your SM shake you down like your Osama she's the TSA because you want to buy a book then get accused of being a thief, huh?

nunya1983's picture

Social bullying, sometimes referred to as relational bullying, involves hurting someone’s reputation or relationships. Social bullying includes:
Leaving someone out on purpose
Telling other children not to be friends with someone (this one involves children, but you get the gist)
Spreading rumors about someone
Embarrassing someone in public

I can copy and paste too, thanks

twoviewpoints's picture

So is this what you do to SD then? Social bullying? You may have delete postings from before, but I can remember quite a bit from the bulk of them. Now that you mention it, yes, social bullying may be exactly the right term from what I've taken from many of your postings about your SD.

I just mentioned this (without a name given it) in a comment I just made in the other page a few seconds ago before I got to read this one. Whether or not this is what your deliberately doing on purpose or not, I do believe what you just labeled it here is exactly the term I was looking for. Only I wasn't talking about others here, I was commenting about an observation I've made concerning your own actions.

nunya1983's picture

Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose.

There another one for you

nunya1983's picture

Your screen name says ditz,get over it, I was trying to be funny... lighten the mood. ..it back fired, sorry for that. .. me saying you don't have a clue what you are talking about is not bullying, sorry You got confused there.

Disneyfan's picture

If you were trying to be funny, you would have apologized to her yesterday. You were called on your comment as soon as you made. Instead of saying, instead of saying, I was joking, didn't mean to offend you....instead you kept attacking.

AllySkoo's picture

*sigh* I'm sorry you felt ganged up on. I have no idea if you're Sheldon and I don't care either.

But I'm going to try, NICELY, to explain what I was trying to say on the other post.

You say you and DH parent a certain way. Fine, I get that. But what I (and a lot of other people) are trying to tell you is that your parenting style is not working with this girl. It's not. She's developing eating disorders and a lying problem, apparently.

So maybe - MAYBE - you guys should talk about a different parenting style with her. And NO, for fucks sake do not give me that "so we should just let her do whatever she wants" cop out that some people get when told they might need to (gasp!) change their approach. That is NOT what I'm saying.

I'm saying that when what you're doing is not working - which is isnt' - then it's time to do something else. Go take some parenting classes, or brainstorm with your DH, or hell, open a post here and see what you come up with! You (or I suppose, your DH) can still make a difference with this girl. She WANTS you to make a difference. Do you think you can be open to some change in how you guys approach things? Because if not, you ARE going to be one of the SM's here with the out-of-control teen and war in the house. It will come to that.

It appears to us from your own posts that your SD is simply SCREAMING for help at the top of her lungs and NO ONE IS LISTENING. Do you get how heartbreaking that is? Forget your feelings for her, for the moment. If you knew of a child, a stranger, who was hurting... wouldn't you be mad at whoever you perceived was hurting her? And want to help and defend the child? THAT is what happened on your other post.

nunya1983's picture

That's basically what I was TRYING to do, notice my question was about what people thought of what my husband did in response to her lying, deceiving, and defying... not anything about what people thought of the book fair... people tend to take my posts and run with them... I tried to answer questions and then I get reemed for answering those questions or clarifying points that I'm guessing people are missing

nunya1983's picture

Seriously? Like I said you have no clue what you are talking about. My formal and living area are super close. I just did this just for you I literally took 10 steps from where I sat and ended up where dh was, my house is all tile. You can hear pretty much anything from one room to the other easily unless you are whispering. And even then you can hear that someone is whispering.

nunya1983's picture

Seriously? Like I said you have no clue what you are talking about. My formal and living area are super close. I just did this just for you I literally took 10 steps from where I sat and ended up where dh was, my house is all tile. You can hear pretty much anything from one room to the other easily unless you are whispering. And even then you can hear that someone is whispering.

ChokinOnLemonz's picture

You don't need to find yourself in such a massive case of butt hurt that no one agreed with you then start calling people names THEN cry you are bullied.

It doesn't work like that.

DarkStar's picture

I see people yell CREW and accuse posters of lying and posting under other names all.the.time
Mean girl behavior right there.
I wonder how many new people have been run off because the very first time they post, a few people come down like a pack of hyenas and accuse them of being a CREW.

Everything else in the OPs posts? Difference of opinions. In my own opinion, of course.

AllySkoo's picture

Meh, people claiming a poster is fake, or is someone else? Not really an issue, IMO. No one did it to me when I was new. Lots and lots of people have come (and some gone) since then, and it didn't happen to them either.

It's not a "new person" thing. It's a "something's not passing the smell test" thing. Maybe details don't add up. Maybe similarities are glaring. Who knows? Maybe they're right and maybe they're wrong, but I dont' see it as "mean girl". What, if someone says "A" and then a couple hours later says "B" I'm not allowed to call them out on it or I'm "mean"? Not buying it.

Edited to add for clarity: I do NOT think this poster is a "fake", I think she's an actual SM and I think this actually happened. (Some justifications for behaviors didn't pass the smell test for me, and I pointed those out, but the overall story I think is true.)

As to whether or not she has another user name I am aggressively disinterested. To quote a meme: "What, you think I walk around with a bucket of fucks, that I can just toss them out at anyone? You have to earn them, only then will I give a fuck."

nunya1983's picture

I have no problem answering questions, or cladding up misunderstandings. But then people flip out on me for doing so. And then take my words and use them or of context as they please.

nunya1983's picture

I flipped out after people started throwing around false accusations. Who was the one who "I know women like you. You went and told dh blah blah blah" that's when I flipped out on people for that, yes. I don't like to be #1 told lies about out & #2 harassed for those who kept insisting I'm who ever this Sheldon is, yes that is harassment.

nunya1983's picture

No your false accusations are what I was saying that you had no clue about. Get your time line straight.

And I didn't realize me making a joke about your screen name actually hurt your feelings, I assumed that you caught the joke and was just still upset about me calling you out about not having a clue. My bad, I do apologize for that.

nunya1983's picture

I don't think anyone is more or less superior than anyone else in my home. I think a lot of what this child's problem is is that

#1 dh is not consistent with his parenting (How else is she supposed to know one day that she'll get by worth something or the next she won't?)

#2 her mother uses her as a pawn and isn't shy about it either.

#3 dh isn't sly about playing favorites with sd. Everyone including sd knows it.

#4 bm plays favorites with sd as well, and sd knows it.

Disneyfan's picture

Why is #3 a surprise or issue for anyone? Your kids are his SKs. Of course she is his favorite. Hopefully you're not allowing your kids to think they are on an equal footing with her in his eyes/heart.

No matter what he may say, as SM and a member here, you know that is bullshit. It's your responsibility to make sure your kids understand that while he may love them, it isn't the same as his love for his daughter.

nunya1983's picture

Most of what I post about is dh's inability to parent his child. I have posted (in a venting fashion, not esp looking for advice)things that drove me crazy about sd. But I rarely post anything about bm. I think maybe a total of 2 or 3 times I've brought up bm,maybe a total of 3 or 4 of my posts involved venting about sd. Majority of my posts were about dh,so I don't really get why you assume that I nit pick sd....

Strengthh's picture

This is my take on the original issue. IMO, this is how to handle book fairs.

In the young grades, maybe kindergarten and first , you send a completed order form with your kid with payment. They walk as a class, hang out a little. The kids get their order. (Yes you could do better on Amazon)

In about second and third, they go as a class. Parents can either send a completed order form with payment, or send their kid with money, or a combination of both, (yes you could do better on Amazon)

In fourth or so and up, kids bring money ,. They go as a class. They make their purchases,

Now in sixth grade, book fair is more of a social thing as a class. Most kids do not make purchases. My son buys an graphic animation book or a video game cheat book, but just one and with his own money. My daughter chooses to get ideas from the book fair, then request the books from the library, preferring to spend her money on other things since she can get the books for free from the library. Exceptions being books she wants permanently to re read like divergent.

But for my kids to get to that point to spend money wisely, they had to be allowed to practice with money and learn for themselves.

Kids who are over controlled are just as bad as kids who aren't controlled at all, like many of the skids here. Same result= a child who has not developed appropriate life skills, your SD sounds over controlled in a lot of ways.

nunya1983's picture

I wasnt upset, remember? You didn't say you were friends until later. You said you've seen her and knew who she was. You said her kids were hideous looking. From what you were telling me it sounded like stalker shit. Then you said you were friend's with her. I still think you are lying, because you still think I'm her... so that in itself is proof. If you were friends with her, you'd know that wasn't me.

Disneyfan's picture

You did get upset. You freaked when she made comment about Sheldon's girls.LOL

nunya1983's picture

Um, no? I got freaked out, not upset. You can't tell me how I feel... sorry. When you talk about stalking people it falls me out. .. perhaps because stalking is freaky

nunya1983's picture

I hardly remember exactly what was said, but I remember being freaked out, but honestly don't remember being upset, if I was, that's strange. I remember at the point I realized she was lying that I thought it was strange she would act like she was someone's friend and then talk about them in such a manner... but upset? I highly doubt I was.

nunya1983's picture

I wasnt upset, remember? You didn't say you were friends until later. You said you've seen her and knew who she was. You said her kids were hideous looking. From what you were telling me it sounded like stalker shit. Then you said you were friend's with her. I still think you are lying, because you still think I'm her... so that in itself is proof. If you were friends with her, you'd know that wasn't me.