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NH DCYF

NHStep's picture

Does anyone have any experience with the DCYF in New Hampshire? My SO's ex-wife has reported him to DCYF because their son is allergic to cats and I have a cat. We have lived together for 1.5 years and she has always been aware of both the cat and the allergy. Their son lives in our home 64% of the time (decided by a GAL). We keep his bedroom door closed at all times, run an air purifier in his bedroom, use Allerpet-C on the cat twice a week and keep the common areas well vacuumed (bought a pet specific handheld vacuum for the furniture).

Anyway, the social worker has interviewed the son and interviewed us, as well, in our home. Other than the cat, it's quite evident that there is no other harm to the child. However, the mother is batsh*t crazy and my SO detailed a lot of that to the social worker (as did our references). She has tried, fruitlessly, to change a number of things recently (wants every weekend with the son, wants more child support, etc) and we can see clearly that this is another attempt to regain some sort of control.

Is it possible that DCYF might turn their eyes to her if they realize the son is not in danger in our home, but could potentially be in hers? The boy also has asthma and she is burning wood in her home for heat and her boyfriend smokes. Both of those things are not good for his health conditions either, but calling DCYF is not part of our parenting style. It shouldn't be anyone's. Cleary we have a grown woman who doesn't know about the boy who cried wolf. Her mother, who we used as a reference for us, told the social worker, for instance, that she fears her daughter will become physical once the boy is old enough to "talk back". The mother is a narcissist and, hence, extremely difficult to deal with.

NHStep's picture

We're not looking to change custody. We have the boy 64% during the school year and 50% during the summer. I was comparing the wood smoke and cigarette smoke to her accusation against our cat (trust me, I realize how ridiculous that seems) We are just trying to defend ourselves to the state of New Hampshire because she filed a complaint against us for having a cat. I hope some child who is being abused or neglected didn't suffer because a case worker was sent to our home for a cat and not theirs.

A judge has already told her he will not award her custody. She just signed off on a second parenting plan. She would need to seek legal counsel.

But you did say they wouldn't turn their investigation on her. That was my main concern. We don't want custody to change hands or anything of the sort; just want to stop being harassed each time she meets a road block.

Wishful thinking on my part!

onthefence2's picture

It seems like you don't understand how allergies work. The cat is as dangerous to him as the burning wood and cigarette smoke. An allergy can escalate at any time, and when someone has asthma, they are already a step closer to death when it does escalate. I have dealt with allergies, especially cat allergies. You can literally feel your airway constricting. Any child who has allergies and/or asthma is sick, even though so many kids have them that it seems "normal" these days. I love cats and all animals, really, and I think you are doing the best you can for this child. But I would probably be livid if that were my child. Honestly, it doesn't sound like anyone is putting him at the top of their priority list.

NHStep's picture

I do understand how allergies work. His own pediatrician has stated the cat is not a problem to him. This woman is a vindictive b*tch who lost primary custody of her son for the simple fact that she is a psychopath and this is her attempt at revenge. I'm looking for advice, not criticism. Where was the mother's concern when we moved in together two years ago? I gave up my own home and my own child's home with the understanding that the cat was not leaving our family. We are doing the very best we can to not have to uproot ourselves after just having purchased a home, out of the state I previously lived in to meet the mother's request, and this is devastating to our family. Some might say "just a cat", but he is old and has health problems of his own. To me he is very much a family member.

NHStep's picture

I do understand how allergies work. His own pediatrician has stated the cat is not a problem to him. This woman is a vindictive b*tch who lost primary custody of her son for the simple fact that she is a psychopath and this is her attempt at revenge. I'm looking for advice, not criticism. Where was the mother's concern when we moved in together two years ago? I gave up my own home and my own child's home with the understanding that the cat was not leaving our family. We are doing the very best we can to not have to uproot ourselves after just having purchased a home, out of the state I previously lived in to meet the mother's request, and this is devastating to our family. Some might say "just a cat", but he is old and has health problems of his own. To me he is very much a family member.