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Christmas & Photos of SD's family

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

I know this sounds petty but I am feeling hurt. DH is going away and wanted me to unload the memory card in our camera so it is clear.

As I did this, I noticed he took 2 pictures at our house for xmas - both of the tree. When he went to SD's family xmas there were at least 50 pictures taken, It was ridiculous and over the top.

DH is the picture taker in the family. He always takes lots of pictures so the photos at SD's house isn't really odd - what is odd is that he didn't take any of our Christmas at OUR home. It definitely wasn't SD taking pics as they have a camera and would have taken their own photos with it.

We had my family over for a BIG Christmas celebration and small gift exchange. Lot's of fun and DH gets along with everyone. My family is very respectful to my DH even though they know he is a little weird about his 1st family.

The xmas at SD's did not include BM but did include his Son-IL's family and both SD's plus the gkids and SD's DH etc etc.

So both xmas's were similar in size and festivities - I just don't understand why he didn't feel it important enough to take ANY photos. He did not take a single picture of our Christmas - not even Christmas morning! He only took 2 pictures of the tree a few days prior to this celebration.

This makes me feel like our BS and I are not important and he doesn't care about us. Why does this bother me so much and am I being silly?

sandye21's picture

Why did he ant you to unload his memory card? Could it have waited until he got home and could do it for himself? I'm asking because it he seems to do things that purposely hurt you. You don't want to see the family he loves so much, he wants to make sure you do. How about deleting the photos of the skids and just say, "Oops!" to him. Or wait until he gets back and tell him something came up and you didn't have the opportunity to unload the photos, then carefully watch his face.

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

Way to simplify it. I am not jealous ..... I am hurt because I feel like our family isnt important enough. Thanks for trying to make me feel bad Tomm. Boo.

FML's picture

Yeah what else is new? There are certain people here who will find a way to twist whatever you say. . . .what is our motto around here when it comes to CRAZY BM s ? Ignore the whore . . I understand what you're saying. . .what I don't understand is how you ladies put up with it. . . Most of you deserve so much better . . I can sit here and say he spends more time with you all and wants to remember their memories more but it's bullshit really. . . The constant put downs . . . I don't know what I'd do in your situation ..

jam's picture

I feel your pain and just don't understand these dh's. I had similar with mine. He would take lots of pictures of skids when they were around and I would not be in any of the pictures. I expressed to my dh how that made me feel as unimportant. My mentioning it helped but there are still times my dh does something that just screams who "really" is important in his life. One example is when my dh and I went to his niece's wedding. There were lots of my dh's old friends there. We are sitting down on a pew in the church. I sit on one side of dh and osd is on the other. My dh realizes an old friend is sitting behind him and he starts chatting with him and then introduces his old friend to his daughter. It was as if I was invisible. I later complained and he said he thought I had already been introduced. What a lame excuse!

I would have a talk with dh and tell him how it makes you feel. If the talk does not help I would just start taking pictures of my family and have nothing to do with helping him download pictures he takes of his first family.

still learning's picture

It sounds like DH was very engaged during Christmas with you and your family but hiding behind the camera @ SD's.

hatesteplife's picture

Did you take pictures of your Christmas? I wouldn't be too offended, but you can always ask him in a non confrontational way. And ask him to take more at your place next time.