You are here

Why would BM do this?

girlmeetsworld714's picture

BM and I have been trying to put past problems aside and co-exist. She was a great friend of mine years before SO and i got together (we've been together for almost 4 years), but had a falling out several years ago and things have never been the same. I've seen her do some terrible things to him (which she denies ever doing), but I've seen her first hand do really horrible things to me, so I have no reason to believe she is truthful about what she "didn't do" to SO.

Two nights ago, she tagged me in a picture on Facebook of SD3 and I clicked on it the next morning and it had 11 comments between her and her EX (who she is trying to make "daddy" to SD3) about how SD3 should have never had SO's last name and that she looks/acts more and more like "daddy" (meaning the ex) every day and she's so thankful for him. Why in the HELL would she tag me in that?? Things were going well; Ive been keeping myself out of her issues with SO and she had been being respectful of my wishes to stay out of their crap until she did that. She told me she was sorry and she "didn't think" about how it would make me feel, but I have the strongest feeling that she did it on purpose and that she has some sick motives behind it. Why would she have done that? Should I just ignore it and go back to trying to stay out of their crap? For the record, I am seriously unable to go back to having a negative relationship with this woman; if i cut off contact with her, she will turn it around to me being the horrible person and she's the victim and her smear campaign will start again. I was put into therapy and diagnosed with depression and social anxiety that all stemmed from her harassment and manipulation. I CANNOT do that again. I don't know what to do.

Calypso1977's picture

stay off of facebook. defriend her and any of her family and friends. its toxic.

Evil stepmonster's picture

Who exactly would she be smearing you to? I had the same problem with my ex and his new wife and my DH ex when we first got together. The solution is simple. Cut her out of yalls personal life. The only thing that needs to be discussed with her is the kid. If she wants to go around spreading rumors and lies let her. If any one believes her, cut them out too. All this is putting way to much stress on you, and you need to make you your top priority. Down size who you let close to you and your life will be simpler, and relaxing.

Teas83's picture

I left Facebook about a year ago because of all the drama people create on there. If this kind of thing is an ongoing problem, I'd recommend that you do the same. I don't miss it one bit.

hereiam's picture

if i cut off contact with her, she will turn it around to me being the horrible person and she's the victim and her smear campaign will start again.

Don't let her hold you hostage. You do not have to have any contact with a person like this.

StepX2's picture

You and your SO got together 4 years ago but your SD is only 3?
Was BM, who you say was a very good friend prior to you and SO getting together, married to your SO?
Just curious what set your "good friend" off.

girlmeetsworld714's picture

She'll be 4 in December, we got together the January after she was born, but didn't become "official" and tell BM until SD was 6 months old. BM and SO were never married; SD is the result of a careless "friends with benefits" situation. BM and my falling out happened a good 7 years ago when her sister gave me her friend's phone number then got mad that I went on a date with him (I guess she liked him and thought I could read minds) and this somehow got BM involved and everything went to poop (seriously just petty high school drama). She worked well with SO up until she found out he and I were together, so I guess she's still bitter about things that happened YEARS ago. I guess she just never moved past the petty high school drama stage.

HungryEyes's picture

Someone else might have tagged you. I don't think it says who exactly tagged you in FB. Someone else might have thought you needed to see it.

SecondGeneration's picture

Yeah sorry you shouldnt be having any direct contact with the BM; facebook, phone or otherwise.

For me, my partner and the BM were dating, nothing serious, found out they were preggers so moved in together as my partner didnt want her to abort. The relationship was over soon after SD was born. I met my partner when SD was 2, despite the fact that they were never in a lovey scenario and there is no drama and no real conflict between my partner and the BM I have zero contact with her.

I do not believe any step parent should be in direct contact with the other biological parent unless for special circumstances with very calm, amicable situations. And even those should be limited and should end at the first sight of trouble.

You two were friends, well sorry you arent friends now. If you were friends then you wouldnt be worried about her reaction, so your doing yourself a dis-service being fake in attempting to hold up appearances. She is not your friend anymore, she is someone that your partner had sex and procreated with, they are no longer together. He is the only one that needs to continue contact with her, but even then, they do not need to pretend to be friends, they need to be civil about their child, end of.

weekendwidow's picture

The only way BM can contact me is through Fbook and it's was such childish bullshit. Then the skids started to post similar shit. Who has time for that crap? I blocked them all. Screw them. People can't rent space in your head unless you let them.

QueenBeau's picture

Quit talking to her.

You can't let her bully you into a relationship

Who cares if she starts a smear campaign. Those who matter won't care about what she says about you. & those who do aren't people you want in your life anyway.

Cut her out of your life.

Rags's picture

Don't let her own you. You own her idiot ass. Make her destruction your favorite hobby and get very, very good at it.

This is what I did with my Skid's Sperm Clan during the 17+ years of our Custody/Visitation/Support CO. When they got stupid I bared their idiot asses, socially, legally, and morally. Their neighborhood knew of their manipulative bullshit, their fringe Christian cult church knew, and their employer and coworkers knew.

This genius idiot BM that you are stuck with is an easy target. She is posting pics on FB about SD-3's admittedly unclear paternal genetic material source? Run with her clear whorish admission and bare her ass about being a sperm receptacle who doesn't even know who the father of her child is. Then investigate pressing fraud and extortion charges against her for extorting CS money out of your DH.

Have fun destroying her toxic ass. I loved every minute of destroying the Sperm Clan. }:)

It sure beats letter her have so much space in your head and control over your family.

One Step Back's picture

I agree with this completely.

I don't think people realise that anything they say on there can actually be used against them in a court of law!

She's not very bright, is she?!

TJH100911's picture

Jokes on her. Not knowing who the baby daddy is looks waaaaaay worse on her than it ever could on you. Politely untag the pic if you wish and get her off your page.