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I Can't Do This Anymore

reddrawker13's picture

I'm new here and I didn't know what else to do. I have three step daughters 4-8-11. The 4 year old refuses to nit act like a baby to get attention, the 8 year old physically hurts the 4 year old. She has called cps on me and steals. The eleven year old plays like she doesn't know anything like how to use the bathroom just to get more attention from her mother. And finally my wife doesn't do anything except make excuses for them. And their dad calls and promises to see them and won't so they take it out on me. He recuses to pay support and tells them I'm evil. I've literally broken down to the point of contemplating suicide. I don't know what to do. I hate my stepkids!

Ms.Tolerant's picture

kids are shitty... but you have a decision to make; and its not suicide.

First things first, you should try to look at the big picture. Obviously their father is a piece of shit that doesn't give a flying fuck about doing the right thing by his kids. Are you able to take a step back and think "hmm.. this man is garbage, and im not." kids really get slighted when their parents aren't together, its totally normal. but your wife? needs to stop being their friend and start being their MOTHER! Obviously they aren't going to learn how to behave correctly from their father, so its her responsibility now!

Talk to your wife about this. And I mean TALK to her. Don't make it a fight, and don't make her feel like you are attacking her. Let her know how you feel, and how much her kids behavior (and hers) is bothering you. If she loves you, she will try and do the right thing (its not easy for her either, she may need help from you or even some counseling)

If she gets defensive, or makes more excuses, you need to reconsider this marriage. Nobody likes to hear that, but honey NOBODY deserves that kind of treatment. You married her for a lifetime of love and happiness. And shes just not providing!

Good Luck! (no more suicide talk... keep reading this forum, it helped me a lot hopefully it will help you too)

reddrawker13's picture

Thank you! I've been trying to disengage but my wife refuses to let me. I'm disabled and have metal in my leg feom Afghanistan and have a recently worsening seizure disorder. So I stay home full time while my wife works. Which means that I have to take care of the kids. Getting them up and ready and deaking with them after school. Every time I try to leave my wife literally begs and hangs on me like a child till I stay. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've sold everything I own for her and her children and still get treated like a floor mat. My wifes family is on ger exs side and they and him tell the kids I'm a bad person and I will hurt thwm because of what I did in the army.

jumanji's picture

>Every time I try to leave my wife literally begs and hangs on me like a child till I stay.

Which is where the kids learned poor behavior gets results.

luchay's picture

Hi there, big hugs to you.

I agree with Step - get yourself into counselling immediately - I have been where you are and it can help you I promise.

How is your r/s with your wife apart from the skid shit? If, like me and my OH, you answer "we are great, we love each other and get along wonderfully when the skid bs is not happening" then you have a GREAT foundation to build on and move forward.

But you MUST talk to her, I think you need couples counselling. It can take a few goes to find a good counsellor that you both like and who is experienced and good at the whole STEP situation. Not all of them are, so shop around - do your research. Google is your friend Smile

Good luck to you either way, stick around, know that your life is worth WAY more than the mess you currently find yourself in. Look for the positive in each day. Trite I know. But it CAN help.

reddrawker13's picture

When the skids aren't around my wife and I are great. But that rarely happens. We were planning a belated honeymoon for this August that we didn't get to take when we got married but my wife cancelled it because the skids all literally through a fit when they found out we were going on vacation and they wouldn't be going.

luchay's picture

Positive - you have a great relationship and that is the foundation for the family!!!! Dirol

Ok, your wife needs to understand that YOU TWO are a couple first and that couple time is sacred. She HAS to get this fundamental fact and commit to spending x amount of time with you away from the kids every week.

You really do need couples counselling - it can be so hard to have an open and frank discussion about your needs and the problems without someone else there to keep it calm and on track. But your wife needs to hear you and commit to you TWO being the heads of the house, if she wants YOU to be the stay at home parent and have the most dealing with these kids your input into how they are raised is vital. You need a safe place to talk to her about how this all makes you feel, and what changes YOU need. Be prepared to compromise - she has needs too as do the kids. But hopefully through the process you can both reach an agreement about how to move forward so you all are getting along and happier.

And tell her that the honeymoon needs to be rebooked, you married her and you want to whisk her off for a fabulous week (or whatever) of love and fun just the two of you. The children WILL cope with it.

reddrawker13's picture

I'm glad I've found thos site because anytime I talk to my wife or anyone else they say I'm just being a selfish jerk. That the kids deserve her more than I do. I don't know what to do anymore. They are there from the moment we wake up till she goes to bed. The youngest will actually wake her up to make me move to let her sleep with her. I've just started sleeping by myself in the living room. And if get mad enough my wife attempts to be a mom for about two days and then goes back to normal.

reddrawker13's picture

I tried the drill instructor bit until the eight year old decided to call cps and say that I beat hthem every day with a stick (which has never happened). If ibeven raise my voice to the skids they say they will call cps again.

reddrawker13's picture

The cps lady here that does investigations was either really stupid or hates men. When she showed up at the house and said who she was I told he I knew why she was there. And after a month long investigation the decided the report was unsubstantiated. But the lady warned me thatif she was called again then she would be taking the kids. I replied back by saying take them now if you want!

Rags's picture

Come on man. Do not let the hell spawn, your toxic bride and the polluting BioDad push you to the edge. Put your foot down with the Skids, the bride and the Sperm Idiot. That or change the locks and put your bride and the spawn out of your life immediately.

No one needs the crap you describe and I for one would not tolerate it. Particularly from my wife.

Orange County Ca's picture

I believe you're being used by this woman even if she's doing it subconsciously. She needs a babysitter, a father and money. Look in the mirror.

I would not call anyone but a taxi. Gather up what you can and when she gets home you leave for a pre-arranged destination whether that be a room you've rented, a buddy or your parents. Tell her this is not a divorce but you've got to get your situation squared away starting with your mental health.

I'm a 1960's era Air Force veteran here and never was the man you are. Thanks for your sacrifice for us and don't think for one second that most of us don't appreciate it.

Rags's picture


Your bride not nipping her X, the toxic ILs, and her hell spawn in the bud over their treatment of you is just wrong. Your service in the Army is something to be celebrated and for you and your bride to be proud of and not something to allow the toxic and worthless POS XH and ILs to batter you with.

I am rarely one to recommend ending a marriage particularly over toxic kids, meddling Xs and idiot ILs but .... you do not need this crap in your life.

I say go DI on their asses and invite them all to call CPS. You are not abusing the hell spawn and all the 8yo or anyone else will do by calling CPS is bare his own ass and eventually get CPS to investigate his Sperm Idiot and the ILs which will bare their idiot asses.

Thank you for your service to our country. I applaud you for your character.

Take care of yourself.

mannin's picture

You sound like a broken man inside and out who needs to heal. Your DW doesn't care about your needs and is taking advantage of you.

Save yourself and let them sink in their own toxicity. I agree with OC, grab what you can and call a taxi.

After all your years of service and pain, you deserve to enjoy your life with someone who will make you a priority and respect you.