Venting, stay, leave...turmoil constantly

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Story - we have SS5 EOWE and alternate 3/2 days during the week. My SO says he's too tired to really do anything on our weekends off except maybe walk to the only bar we ever go to for a beer or two. He said he "grew up" when he had a kid so he would rather stay home and watch movies. Mind you he can't stay awake past 9 pm EVER and is up at 5 am everyday. I have told him I need adult time and it just creates a conflict, he always says we'll do more etc etc but he never wants to plan ANYTHING so if we do anything it's me planning...I'd like to have him make an effort once in a while. He plays the damn single dad card whenever I bring this up which is about the most freaking annoying thing ever. He goes to great lengths to make sure the kid is entertained enough when he is here but then is too tired and says making choices and decisions for his kid is all he has energy to do. Seriously if I never planned anything we would not leave the house as a couple, I know because I experimented for a month and nope we didn't leave the house for anything fun. I miss my life before him. Then I feel guilty because I am 46 and he makes me feel like I should be over going out etc but I'm not talking hanging at the bar every weekend I would like to go hear some music or out to dinner or to another town and get hotel...something besides sit here. I drink more at home to cope than I would if I was out lol!!
I think about leaving but SS5 is attached to me, then we made a major purchase last year together...I know big mistake because now it's financial too, kinda regret that. On top of it all, I moved across the country to be with him and I hate where we live but he is stuck since his kid is here. Also, my family loves my SO. I am complaining about this but overall he does treat me well, he's faithful, has my back etc. Overall he is a decent man and good partner but I am not sure we want the same things in life. My family says I should just accept him and be happy I have a good man. I feel like I want a good man but one who wants to live life to the fullest. When I talk about wanting to travel and be spontaneous he always says after his kid is graduated but I have this nagging feeling that really he doesn't want those things. I admittedly went way too fast in this relationship and did not think things through, I fell in love and acted without thinking. Now here I am losing sleep over this, drinking wine like a crazy person and constantly battling depression. I've read numerous books on women who have stuck it out but I am not sure I have it in me. BUT for me, leaving is not that easy, I value commitment and loyalty and even typing this makes me feel disloyal like I am doing something wrong by even voicing that I might even be considering leaving and breaking both their hearts.
It is not just about SS5 but some of it is IDK, I really do not want to be a Mom, I made choices and decisions long before him and I did actually tell him this before I moved in, playing a supportive role is best for me...for example I LOVE being an Aunt, no one expects me to take on responsibility for them, i can be loving, supportive, and a confidant but no one is asking me to change who I am. I think he is holding out for me to fall in love with his kid and want all of those things. NO THANK YOU, his son is a super kid, fun and enjoyable but I simply have no interest in being more to him than I am. Personally i think his kid and I are fine, he has a great BM, she and I get along just fine but I think part of that is because I am not trying to be more. After reading some of the stories I feel like I should be grateful...and I am, that I do not have crazy BM stories or crappy kid stories. They split when he was 4 months old and she didn't want to be a full time single Mom so she offered 50% custody with zero child support. Which is why we don't deal with crazy I think. Maybe it is just SO i don't really want. Maybe I need counseling. Maybe I need a hobby. IDK. Thanks for letting me vent.

I do have a garden in the

I do have a garden in the spring, I am trying to find something in the winter I can enjoy. but I hate snow. I'm a desert girl, 75 is winter to me but I live in the high mountains now so it snows 7-8 months out of the year. I was thinking about writing a blog or a book. I do take classes, I have to to keep my licensing current so about every 4 months and they interest me, I love what I do. We have a community college, so maybe a language or cooking class or something. I did start cooking last winter to pass the time, it's ok I enjoy it.

I do my own things outside of our relationship. I travel often, I go out with friends and to the city but I don't think a date night once or twice a month is unreasonable...I'm part of a couple I would like some couple time and watching a movie is not quality time IMO.

Honestly, I don't think a

Honestly, I don't think a hobby is going to change anything. I'm having a similar issue and I'm just a bit younger than you. I am SO freaking busy with my kids, hobbies, my business, and at the end of the day, I would like to do something with my bf. I don't even expect to see him everyday, because that's impossible, but even on days we can, we don't. A lot of similarity in our men, too. It's simply wanting two different things. I am super introverted, so if a guy can't spend enough time/energy on me to keep ME happy, there is an issue!

There is not an easy answer. I don't even live w/ my bf and it's hard to walk away. You are invested way more, so I know it's even harder. I KNEW I shoulda stayed single!!!! Good luck, whatever you choose!

Thank you, yes you are right

Thank you, yes you are right it's just about the time with HIM! Yes so hard and I know I feel the same way, I should have stayed single or at least stuck to my rule about not dating men with children. UGH Thank you, good luck to you too!!

Yes I agree we have both said

Yes I agree we have both said we are total opposites, I like it hot, he likes it cold. I like the night, he likes the day etc etc but we love each other so it's a hard thing to just leave and we have loved each other for a long time. We've known each other for 25 years and have been friends, lovers and now a couple over that time. This is what causes the turmoil - the history, the friendship.

I've compromised everything

I've compromised everything to be here, in some way I think we all have probably compromised a lot to be with the people we love. It isn't a lot to ask, I would be happy with one fun night a month with him and a couple trips a year. If we were going fishing it would be a non issue LOL!

I think another heart to heart is in order, SIGH I am getting tired of having them...when did life get so serious?

I know, which is why I think

I know, which is why I think I have reached the point that I am constantly thinking about it. I'm feeling like I am getting the short end of the stick here.

Thank you, yes you are right

Ok, so if I choose to leave

Ok, so if I choose to leave what does that conversation even sound like? So scary, not in an abusive way just the whole thing... I mean I can imagine when you break up with someone who has a kid it's SO much worse than breaking up with another single.

i would think it would be

i would think it would be different because you are breaking up with more than one person. I have 2 relationships on different levels. SO you break up with the Dad and you just leave, isn't there a conversation with the kid you spent a couple years with too?

It sounds like he is a

It sounds like he is a homebody - i doubt this will change. But... Why can't you go out late night with girlfriends or something on your own? Maybe schedule date night early - do lunches instead of dinners. It sounds like there is a lot of room to compromise it that is what you both want to do.

However, I'm concerned you listed everyone else as a reason not to break up. I think you and your SO have to have a serious talk & come up with a plan.

Yes he is a homebody, he

Yes he is a homebody, he probably won't ever change and I am not asking for that it's one or two nights a MONTH, seriously should not be an issue!! As far as late nights with girlfriends we live in a pretty rural area in the mountains so I've also had a hard time meeting girlfriends. I do have a couple but it took me almost 2 years to become friends with them, it's a very seasonal place so my SO says it takes people a long time to come around as far as investing in friendships because the majority of people are transient only staying for a season or 2. I am used to having a huge social network, lots of options and am now dying to do almost anything. I do things that I don't even like just for socialization. Also, most people work so much in ski season...as do I, I have 3 jobs right now, so getting together is difficult due to schedules etc. I tried having one job but I got so insanely bored I got a couple more to pass the time and of course make money.

I do a LOT alone, but the point is I want to spend time with him, we just seem to work, eat, sleep and that is about it. I guess we also have differing ideas of fun - for him it means hockey with his son, hanging at the shop where he works, fishing and for me it means road trip, trying new restaurants in other towns, it doesn't have to be a bar, board games even...I suggested we host game night at our house but we have been having a hard time finding a night that works for everyone. I also think this small town is wearing on me, I moved from a huge city.

I have always been the type that will put others needs before mine, my SO actually said...'Don't make me more important than you and your needs" when we had the last heart to heart a couple months ago. We seem to have them every few months. Things are good for a while then we get into this rut. We are total opposites, we both acknowledge and know this so if this is to work we BOTH have to be open to being a little different. I'm just not sure if he is capable or willing truly; I'm starting to think he wanted me to move in become an instant Mom, wife, and homemaker. I guess I have a lot of soul searching to do. Thank you everyone for your input and time!!

You do feel my pain!!! My BF

You do feel my pain!!! My BF works in the fishing industry so his life revolves around it too and yeah the whole let's watch a movie together thing...really? We aren't even having a conversation then!? Sometimes if it isn't sports on tv it's fishing videos!! I said to him what was the point of being in a relationship if we were always doing things separately?! I wonder why, but then he has so many good qualities I stay. SIGH

I'm really sorry, HUGS. I

I'm really sorry, HUGS. I seem to always move too fast, I guess some would say it is my MO also. IDK either, some days I want to keep driving and others I feel like I can't leave. I have decided to get into counseling. I have also wondered if it's me, just never being satisfied. Apparently I need help getting clear on what I want and getting the courage to go for those things. I also think because I really hate where we live it taints a lot too. Good luck to you, just know you are not alone!

So hard. I have done this for

So hard. I have done this for even longer than you as it happens. It bothers me that you/me feel that we have to change, or put up with it. In your case it s good he says he doesn't want you to put your needs last. Hard that you are not doing some things you would like as a couple. I get bored too. We have watched some comedy together

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Venting, stay, leave...turmoil constantly