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The PASing of SGS didn't seem to work, again

Disillusioned's picture

Although DH's eldest was putting on a big act of being "nice" to me on Christmas Eve, she could not stop the PASing of SGS against me

Even YSD said completely unsolicited this morning, how DH's eldest really builds her up to SGS so SGS will remember her, etc.. etc...

Of course there is nothing wrong with that, it's great, and DH's eldest does this for DH, FIL and DH's sister too

She definitely does not do this where I'm concerned, not that I would expect she would, but then little SGS is all excited to see his blood 'family' which I'm sure is DH's eldest daughter's intention that he would not be nearly as excited to see me

So, as soon as SGS asks DH something DH's eldest immediately starts the old "oh SGS is asking for Grandpa again" yada yada yada (of course doesn't matter how many times SGS asks for me nothing is said and DH's eldest will change the subject) however I ignore it all and laugh to myself because as much as DH's eldest is trying to make it a competition between me and her "blood" not only it is obvious I could care less and feel it's sad her "blood" have to feel it's a competition between me who isn't SGSls blood, nor even trying to win him over, but the kid ends up hanging around me and getting silly and wanting to make me laugh Dirol

The best revenge when I'm not seeking any "family" relationship with the child, nor even trying to get revenge. Simply minding my own business and refusing to compete and the child is obviously happy to be around me

The look on DH's eldest daughter's face is priceless when this happens! Foiled again Biggrin

Disillusioned's picture

It stands for Parental Alienation Syndrome....when a parent chooses to interfere/discourage a relationship between their child and the other parent, or step-parent, or in my case step-grandparent

My H's eldest daughter discourages SGS from liking me, however subtly now, and I'm sure will crank it up to insure it takes Sad

Amber Miller's picture

How sad that this SD is such a mean person. I mean, she makes an effort to exclude you. She actually is taking up precious time to accomplish this. If she truly dislikes you then why is she giving you a lot of attention in her efforts to let it be known to everyone that you aren't accepted by her. When the gskid gets older he will see this and probably ask his mother why does she treat you differently. Someone on this forum (I forget which thread) stated something to the effect of removing titles. For example, no step or half sibling, step-grandma, etc. the point I think that this poster was trying to make was to focus on the relationship with the individual and don't pay attention to their "title". I sure hope I am remembering this correctly and that my explanation is making sense. I bring this up because a child won't see the title, the child sees the person, feels their love and kindness towards them. Your gskid will not be concerned with your title. Just keep doing what you're doing and ignore this bitch }:) I'm sure everyone can see what she's doing. It makes her look both immature and foolish.

Ohsoconfused's picture

I think when a step-spouse is trying to integrate into any multi-generational situation, they should start with no expectation whatever other than being respected like any other adult.  The less one emotionally invests in the final outcome, the less hurtful all the drama along the way.

We can only control our own behaviour, and so if one values being a positive influence in a step child or grandchild's life, then patience is key.  Hostile parents can block us out all they want, and it's why disengaging is actually healthy.  As the child gets older, they need to make the choice to have a relationship with us.

I was in a marriage for 29 years with an extremely hostile SIL (unexplained, started the first day he brought me to visit) and she did her best to exclude me (but not my husband and kids) from anything to do with being treated as a relative.  
I just gave up on being close to my beautiful niece - but then when she grew up, we had a chance to talk and share advice - she said to me that she had never understood her mother's attitude toward me.  We established our own friendship, completely separate from her mother's knowledge.