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Disengaged from SD whom lives with us help!

I want to be a pigeon's picture

I was doing really well at disengaging from her however her behaviour has been so gross it's been making my blood boil and I couldn't help myself but tell her off. Big mistake as her behaviour gets worse! I swear she has ADHD I am quite seriously sick of her as is her Father whom now does all of her cooking, washing etc but this kid will not leave me out of her lying and manipulative attention seeking behaviour. OH does not always pick up on her manipulative behaviour do I have to watch her get away with it?
I really don't want to live with a child whom has the personality of her BM aarrgghh!!! She keeps mothering my son also which is totally irritating! Sorry I am having a rant!!!
Any other step parents that have the SKIDS live with them full time have any advice?

SadFairy's picture

I have a FT SKID. I found out recently disengaging wasn't the cure all I thought it was, but it definitely helped keep me sane. As far as the attention seeking, you have to be consistent. She is using you as a source of feedback, whether that feedback is good or bad. She will exhaust you completely if you let her. She has to put together in her mind that bad behavior will receive ZERO reaction from you. When she starts her typical attention seeking tirade, have a blank stare on your face. If she's especially demanding, you may need to calmly leave the room. Eventually she'll realize she can't feed off of and enjoy getting a reaction out of you.

When she's being manipulative, call her out on it. Every time. She'll start going to other adults in her life, and attempt to manipulate them once she realizes this doesn't work on you anymore. Let her. At least you won't Once you serve no purpose for her, she'll have no reason to seek out your attention.

"OH does not always pick up on her manipulative behaviour do I have to watch her get away with it?"
You'll know you've truly disengaged when you see her doing this, and no longer care about the answer.

I want to be a pigeon's picture

Thanks! You are right she is a nightmare and your advice has just helped me with another issue!