Step mom's rights
Hi, i'm a future step mom to a 2 year old girl.
She is not the problem. The BM thinks its my duty to look after SD if husband is working while she had to come pick up SD two hours earlier. She talks to FHD about giving me orders on what I’m suppose to do example: Tell Step Witch she has to go and drop SD at “this place” at 15:00, and she has to hurry up. Why can’t se ASK me herself. We have to do things according to her schedule and it does not work for me. FHD and BM is in a fight at the moment because he doesn’t give her what she wants and if it doesn’t benefit her in some why, she will tantrum. She says I have no right in saying anything that involves me, no matter how bad it influence my life, but I have to jump when she snaps her fingers. She says its my responsibility to look after SD when she is with us, but when we ask BM if her parents will watch SD for 3 hours, she replies, SD is not their responsibility. :jawdrop:
Now, my question: What is the legal responsibilities from a step mom towards a step child and the BM? :?
Thanks for the reply. the
Thanks for the reply. the problem is, BM does not want (can't) take FDH to court because she knows 1) we will get SD EOW and not every weekend like she wants and during the week when she has plans (she wants to be main provider for SD) and 2) the child is not registered at internal affairs, so she acctually can't take FDH to court. FDH may not apply for the birth certificate because the child is born out of wedlock :sick:
He is not on the birth
He is not on the birth certificate, he doesn't even know if its his child, but the person that he is, he will take her word for it. He doesn't want SD full time, he just wants to stop BM from playing her games. We are not from the US, I'm from South Africa. He pays SD's school fees and he provides her nappies for the month. SD doesn't need anything extra. He cant sign that SD is his daughter on the birth certificate because BM did not go to the hospital to go get it so that she can register SD at Internal affairs. in SA, if a child is born out of wedlock the mother needs to go get the birth certificate and register the child.
I just spoke to a layer, hopefully he can take her to court for negligence of the child's birth certificate and hopefully things will get to a point after that.
You have absolutely no
You have absolutely no responsibility toward BM at all. Period. Dot....
All Sparents are responsible for caring for the safety of a Skid when they are in our care.
That is about it IMHO.
What your FDH should do, and do now, is have a paternity test done. There is no need to deal with this manipulative BM if this is not his child. If the Skid is not his, he can fight for what interface he wants and avoid any financial burden.
Were I you, I would immediately switch to a perspective that BM is to do what you tell her to do when you tell her to do it or come pick up her spawn immediately. We are the partners to our SO's we are not beck and call resources for our partner's Xs.
All IMHO of course.
Depending on how involved you
Depending on how involved you are with the welfare and upbringing of this child (I am VERY involved w/ my 3 Step kids, I worked HARD and earned my rights) then it is up to YOU to decide what is and is not "your business." I stayed quiet for the first couple of years and even tried to be cool to their BM but some people are just impossible to please and like to cause problems just for the sake of getting the attention. Sometimes there is nothing you can do but make their Father do all of the communicating with her(which I recommend)because more often than not the BM will be threatened by you and your closeness to her birth children...
You let yourself be heard by her Father, assert yourself. Tell him what you will and will NOT tolerate, this is your relationship with him and the child, not the child BM and HER relationship (which obviously didn't work with him) If she is a shit starter than let her tantrum and don't feed into any of it! It will drive her BONKERS and sure enough will make her stop acting out all together.
Again it ALL boils down to what you are willing to negotiate with (if at all.) You WILL have to deal with the BM for her entire young life and even when she grows (i.e. birthday parties, graduations, wedding etc...) The BM will ALWAYS be in your life, as long as the Father and the child are in yours. This is not something to decide lightly, keep in mind that people coming and going in a relationship where children are involved can be devastational to the child/children. Do not proceed into this relationship unless you KNOW this is what you TRULY want...?
Depending on how involved you
Depending on how involved you are with the welfare and upbringing of this child (I am VERY involved w/ my 3 Step kids, I worked HARD and earned my rights) then it is up to YOU to decide what is and is not "your business." I stayed quiet for the first couple of years and even tried to be cool to their BM but some people are just impossible to please and like to cause problems just for the sake of getting the attention. Sometimes there is nothing you can do but make their Father do all of the communicating with her(which I recommend)because more often than not the BM will be threatened by you and your closeness to her birth children...
You let yourself be heard by her Father, assert yourself. Tell him what you will and will NOT tolerate, this is your relationship with him and the child, not the child BM and HER relationship (which obviously didn't work with him) If she is a shit starter than let her tantrum and don't feed into any of it! It will drive her BONKERS and sure enough will make her stop acting out all together.
Again it ALL boils down to what you are willing to negotiate with (if at all.) You WILL have to deal with the BM for her entire young life and even when she grows (i.e. birthday parties, graduations, wedding etc...) The BM will ALWAYS be in your life, as long as the Father and the child are in yours. This is not something to decide lightly, keep in mind that people coming and going in a relationship where children are involved can be devastational to the child/children. Do not proceed into this relationship unless you KNOW this is what you TRULY want...?