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Emotionally out of control

Harleygurl69's picture

My SS(7) has had difficulties since he started school with having emotional meltdowns if he doesn't get his way. His BM has been really lax in the discipline department but, according to what she says, she has put a schedule in place and is enforcing discipline in her home. DH and I have always had a schedule and structure because it's what I'm used to as far as parenting. My oldest BS has ADHD and schedules worked best for him.

We are in the process of having SS(7) tested for ADHD. We have been through Autism testing also, which he doesn't have. I'm leaning towards some form of bi-polar based on what we have experienced with him and I think, although I'm no doctor, that DH and FIL have forms of it. The outbursts/meltdowns that he used to have everywhere just don't happen at our house. He knows that I'm no-nonsense and they stopped. He still has meltdowns at BM's and at school. Wednesday he had a full blown fit and was throwing things and hiding under furniture. Today he slapped a little girl on the playground.

It's very confusing. He hasn't had the outbursts at our house in over a year. I firmly believe he doesn't respect women because he has been babied by everyone his entire little life until he met me. He tested me greatly but if I say you will have a time out you will. The testing of my limits stopped quickly.

Any advice is appreciated.

JacksGal's picture

You're getting him tested, that's great! This sounds identical to my situation except that my SS was a bit older when I got involved and to this day (he is a teen now) his BM refuses to have him tested. BM does not do any routine because she "likes to be free and comfortable" while the kid responds to routine at our home. They don't even have holiday or birthday dinners! Have him tested for Oppositional Defiance Disorder and other behavioral disorders too, maybe it's something in that area.

In my case, the frequency of the outbursts toned down a bit when I finally convinced him to try to hold it back himself. Sounds like he's already doing that at your house, but maybe you point out to him when you see him do it yourself so he's self-aware of what he's doing. SS loves slurpees so we used them as rewards when he obviously restrained himself.

I feel for you, it sucks to watch them go through this and worry about how they're ever going to survive as adults. Sad

Harleygurl's picture

I think the results from the testing will also come with a healthy dose of "You had better get over yourselves" for my DH and the BM. I've looked into Oppositional Defiance Disorder and plan to suggest it to the docs when we go back for their recommendations on Friday. Honestly I think BM wants something to be diagnosed so she can a) blame something other than herself, and b)get a disability check for the child. She's loves government assistance!

I would like to put SS7 in counseling so he can learn new techniques for controlling himself. But that isn't my decision or choice. I agree, I wonder if he is ever going to survive as an adult.

JacksGal's picture

I'd love to see my BF's ex get a healthy dose of reality. Smile Good luck to you and the little guy, I hope he gets the help he needs one way or the other. I always remind BF that they're going to be adults a lot longer than they are kids and if the parents don't do what they need to now, the won't be able to later.

Harleygurl's picture

That is a great quote/line/reasonable thought! SS7 is on an emotional roller coaster and he doesn't have normal coping skills that a 7 year old should have. I spoke to the teacher last night and SS7 took a favorite book to school. Now this kid isn't organized at all. He doesn't know how to because he lives in a mess where nothing is organized. The book turned up missing. He accused everyone in his class of stealing his book. Seems to me he shouldn't be taking personal items to school?? But of course that would mean BM would actually have to get off her ass and check his backpack. Hopefully a lot of this will stop when he starts living with us half the month.