You are here

So I guess I get to become the bitchy BM now.

k0316's picture

I just sent my two dds to their dad's for the summer last week. I get an excited message from them saying "Dad has a girlfriend!" Oh and she is super-nice. Oh and she lives on a ranch. Oh and she has horses. Oh and we got to ride her quad. Oh she has a motorcycle like dad's. So I decide to be the grown up and tell them "how nice" when I am seething because this is the Dad who has NEVER paid a dime to support them since we separated and divorced (he just stays unemployed and living off people). He is perfectly happy to let FDH support the girls (even to the point of expectation; "oh well he has money so why doesn't he pay for XXX"). He NEVER calls to see how they are doing, I'm always the one contacting him. Now he and his GF are playing Super-parents.

The girls NEVER talk about FDH to their dad because he gets all huffy but I've always had a great open relationship with them. I suppose they feel comfortable telling me about this wonderful new girlfriend. Maybe she really is a nice person. However, it's hard to let go of baggage and not be pissy.

realitycheckmom's picture

It's ok. I would be pissy too. You are the bigger and better person here so keep it up and vent here. Your girls will figure it out when they are older.

BelleTolls's picture

Put his ass into CS arrears (maybe your state will impute at least minimum wage) and with any luck new GF will see what a deadbeat he is and show him the door. }:)

silentnites's picture

Rant away, it is important to get your feelings out. They are justified. You are doing just fine, handling it well. As other posters have said, do what you are doing and let it go. They will figure out their father on their own.

Lalena75's picture

Don't feel bad I play the bigger person BM all the time against exh's gf who lately has been badmouthing me to my kids not blatant but under and backhanded. I guess exh got all over her about it and how I'd never do that to her in front of her kid ( but that's the excuse he gave for her kid not being allowed to get a ride to school with dd and I) or when exh shorts me on cs but can afford his drug of choice, insurance on his vette and his car, and out of town trips. I just smile and say that's nice. Fhe kids are old enough now they are starting to see what's going on. But I can hold my head up and know I wasn't that BM.

emotionaly beat up's picture

I get you would feel a little jealous because your kids think new gf is super cool. I think that's a perfectly normal reaction to have. You are their mum, no matter how super cool new girlfriend is, she will never be you. Just be happy that for the moment your girls like her and hopefully she likes them. I have seen, as I am sure you have too, lots of step mums on here who hate their step kids, hence for the need in part this site. If your husband has found himself a financially well established gf and is leaching of her, she'll soon get sick of him. But it's not her fault he has never paid child support, nor is it her responsibility to pay it for him. Take him to court for cs.

twoviewpoints's picture

Well, they didn't go on and on about how great it is to see Dad again. Dad is so good to us. Blah blah blah. It was about the nice new friend Dad has. It sounds like the daughters will at least have some fun this summer. And at their ages, they're not stupid. They know all the fun and experiences they'll have are due to the generosity of this friend. Dad does nothing for them at any other time of the year.

Think of it as if you'd just sent your daughters off to summer camp and they got a 'cool' camp counselor. Much better than getting a snarly ol' counselor who hates kids, doesn't want to spend time doing kid stuff and resents she's even the counselor this summer.

Who knows. maybe this GF will be a good influence on your ex and make him realize what a jerk he is on supporting his children. I can't imagine some lady wanting to waste her time with a deadbeat daddy leech sponging off her for very long.

Jellybeam's picture

When I decided to date again after my divorce, I made a list of things that any potential man had to be or do. Among other things, on my list was HAVE A JOB and SUPPORT HIS CHILDREN(if he has any to support). Because I have standards.
Apparently, your Ex's new gf doesn't have any standards OR she has no idea she's with a deadbeat. How embarrassing for him it will be if and when gf finds out what a loser her new bf is.

oncechoosetosmile's picture

No no, no, don't feel bad at all!!!!! I had the same here: stupid ex didn't really care about the kids since we were separated, was really selfish and dated party girls.But suddenly he met and dated a friendly lady with a toddler and now he thinks he is "father of the year" and thinks he is the greatest dad ever.No matter how bad he was before and neglected the kids, suddenly he is remembering he has kids, and they are of course delighted!! It feels almost like a betrayal, I mean it is not his gf's fault at all, but I feel really strange about it all.

wanttoscream's picture

Totally get it! I let my ex off easy on our divorce. I let him have the house because the memories were horrible. He wanted "our family" back and hounded the crap out of me, the whole time while he was seeing, as I call her, Tramp Stamp Barbie. He HAD an issue with tatoos, and practicaly killed our oldest over getting one on his 18th birthday. But his new GF is COVERED. The funnier part is she has an IQ about room temp. I am a member of Mensa. We are like night and day different. But, she is nice to the boys, so I try to be polite. But she annoys the hell out of me. Oh, and he let her move in while telling me the whole time he wanted to remarry me and she was around "just in case." My son told me she moved in, my ex neglected to mention it. His friends even referred to her as the "backup plan" and call her "trash." Nice.