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Easter drama at the in-laws'

christinen's picture

No holiday would be complete without drama with the in-laws! So we’re eating Easter dinner at DH’s parents’ house and SIL asked if I was feeling better because I had been sick 2 days before. I said yes I was feeling better and then she made a joke asking if I’m pregnant. I said no I’m not pregnant, it was just a stomach bug (mind you, she knows I’m on the pill and not planning to get off for at least a few months). Then MIL says “Christine’s never gonna have kids” and made some comment about DH and I being old (I am only 27 and DH is 30).

SIL and MIL basically attacked me about why I don’t have kids! I’m only 27, I’ve been married less than a year (never married before), I just finished my Master’s degree, I just recently got to a good point in my career and now I can say I am at the point when I want to start trying for a baby in the near future. HOWEVER, they acted like there was something wrong with me for not having kids yet!

SIL chimes in saying she’s glad she had her baby when she did (early 20s) because she’s tired with a baby now and she can’t imagine if she were any older! Like b^&*%! I am 27! I think it’s a little scary that they think 27 is old to have kids. Sorry I wanted to get my life together first before bringing another PERSON into the world! SMH!

Then MIL says “if she has any, she will be one and done because they have SD.” Ummm.. no. I have ALWAYS said I wanted 2 kids, and no sorry but SD does not count as one of them. I didn’t say it in those exact words but yes I told them that I want 2 of my own kids. They proceeded to tell me how it’s not different and I should love SD like my own, etc. Mind you, I do WAY more for SD than her own mother does and I do treat her very well. But no, she is not my biological child. She doesn’t have my genes, doesn’t look like me, act like me, talk like me, we don’t have that mother-daughter bond and we SHOULDN’T because SHE’S NOT MY KID!!

What is wrong with these people??!!

Craving Normality's picture

Strange people? We have all met them. That is why we are here. You cannot win, you will never do the right thing. Best to stop listening to them right now! And I mean right now. No one can ever win over the inlaws when there are already kids involved.

christinen's picture

It's horrible! I can't believe they would treat someone like this. It makes me sad because my family is so nice to DH. We went to my mom's house after DH's parents house and it was just a completely different atmosphere. They are so polite and accepting of DH and even skid. MIL and SIL just blow my mind.

Great Mom but horrified Stepmom's picture

Jealous. Plain and simple. You are now going to do the thing that they both did - have children. No prob. But you've also done what they didn't do - get a great education. Problem.

Jealous. They will have to get used to it. Never apologize for being accomplished! Good for you!

And having children after finishing your education is just smart. However many you want!

christinen's picture

That has to be it. There really is no reason for them not to like me. I'm always respectful, but the thing is when I feel like I'm being attacked I am going to defend myself. When I'm by myself and it's MIL and SIL against me, I feel like I'm being ganged up on. I know I should not argue with them and I always kick myself afterwards, but every single time I go over there, they start with me! They have absolutely no class whatsoever! My family would NEVER treat DH like that!

I would think MIL would be happy that her son is with someone like me but I guess she is mad because both her daughters are complete losers and is taking it out on me because I made better choices lol

christinen's picture

Good question. Absolutely nothing. He wasn't even at the table. He gets right up after dinner and moves into the living room because he knows what is coming (this happens every holiday with them). I guess I should start doing that as well.

oldone's picture

People are very influenced by the societal norm of their peer group.

Many people go to college, get a job, go to law, med, or business school, work some more, get married and start a family. That puts childbearing at closer to 30 or older. Not that this is the "preferred" life plan - it is just pretty common for many people.

Others may not go the college route and start working much younger. If they marry they may be ready to start childbearing at a much younger age. If this is what your friends and relatives do this might be your norm - waiting till 30 might be "strange" for this group.

I'm not even addressing all the "oops" children or the idiots who plan to have a child even though they have no way to support it. Some combine all of the above - get married and have children young while doing all the school work.

There is no "right" way. It's what is right for you. People who think what they did should be the norm for everyone are idiots.

christinen's picture

That's true. Most of my friends were having kids while I was in college so that is normal to them.

In DH's family, every baby is an "oopsie" lol. DH and BM were never married and SD was not planned. SIL was young and unmarried when she got pregnant and she never went to college. So maybe they do think I'm weird lol!

Jsmom's picture

You do what you want and don't listen to them...Most people are having their children into their 30's now. They are just fools...

theoutsider's picture

FDH mother and two sisters basically took care of FDH kids after BM left,... But when I came into the picture and started doing things for the kids I think the other women resented it,... They didn't want me buying clothes for the kids, or telling them to brush their teeth and go to bed, or tell the girls they had to blow their hair dry before going outside in the winter. Keep in mind, FDH asked me, ASKED me, to help him parent when I moved in. and he talked with his family about "thank you for your help when I needed it and was picking myself up off the ground after the divorce, but we have got it now"
And I think that the women just have hurt feelings. His mom because she became like a fill in mom for them, and his sisters because they don't have kids of their own (one especially can't have kids and she really enjoyed buying clothes and doing ' mom' things,...

I think THEY want me to disengage so they can step back in...

So recently, FDH family get togethers are me sitting and talking to FDH sister IN LAW because she is the only one who will carry on a conversation longer than "hi" to me....

christinen's picture

Maybe that is part of the problem. When BM and DH broke up, DH moved back into his parent's house and they helped him raise SD. SIL was also living there at the time. DH has another sister who has 2 kids who live with MIL/FIL and like I said MIL practically rised SD so maybe that is why she is having issues. She knows she's not going to be raising my kids. I don't need her help.

theoutsider's picture

For me,... That's always a constant problem. FDH has had several talks with the one disaster who can't have kids several times, the last time was the worst. He told her to "back the f*** off"