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I am too nice.. just need to rant

stepmom2420's picture

so I have 2 step children/adults.. girl 24 and a boy 18.. they have just come back into our lives thanks to me.. and now Im sorry that i tried.. its a very long story but I have 2 boys of my own and I could see pain in my husbands eyes whenever we have family over or do something with my boys.. so I asked him to text his son on his 18th birthday again.. after 6 years of trying and he did and slowly both the kids have come back into his and mine life.. but now.. i get texts from his son everyday saying how unhappy he is living with his mom and her new husband.. the daughter whom i don't really like because of the past pain she has put my husband through.. lives there also.. but she doesn't talk to them she just lives there.. she doesn't want to leave her brother so he says until he graduates.. which will be in June.. my husband pays child support and was just diagnosed with bp and its a tough situation for me.. so i found this Christmas book i thought was his daughters and he kept saying it wasn't so i took a picture of it, sent it to Joey and asked him to ask his mom if it looked familiar.. I hate throwing other ppls stuff out and thought if it was hers she might want it back.. so i got back a text saying .. ITS CHRISTYS and mom wants to know how you got it.. WTH.. i said with all the other stuff your father put into my storage bin.. she then said well it was at the grandmoms house and it should have stayed there.. im like i give up.. i should have just thrown it out .. im tired of being the nice one in this disfunctional family of his.....

TASHA1983's picture

DISENGAGE! Let DH handle his dysfunctional family on his own. That is the best and only way to save your sanity. Smile

forgotten wife's picture

Stop now. Disconnect from them. Do NOT ever let either one of them live with you. It will severely damage your marriage. Nothing you do for them will ever truly be appreciated. Lose all expectations of kindness or civility from them.

You have been warned.

oldone's picture

NEVER let adult skids live with you. Unless they live very far away (hundreds of miles) they should never even spend a night with you. ever.

You've opened the door for your husband to communicate with his children. You don't need to do anymore. They are who they are going to be at this age. No amount of caring or parenting will change them at this point.

Shannon61's picture

The others are right. Please don't even think about letting them live with you. I lived this nightmare and it was hell.

And no matter how many times you extend the olive branch, the steps will always break it because they don't appreciate our efforts. I had to learn the hard way. Over and over again, SD kept hurting my feelings. Now I don't care and I don't remind DH to do things regarding her, such as mailing her b-day card on time. SD wouldn't appreciate me mailing it 2 days in advance so she'd get in on her special day. So why go out of my way? I've learned not to expect much from SD, so no matter what she does I'm never disaapointed. Sadly she pretty much doesn't exist to me.