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SO won't make his monster mind!!!

Ethyl's picture

Ok so I've been with my SO for a little over a year and after a couple of months I set into motion a plan to get him to discipline his son (5yrs old). He has put forth some effort and has done a little better but, the problem is that he won't be consistent. This child is so smart and can be an absolute joy to be around when he knows he can't get away with anything. I know part of my SO's problem with discipline is that for one he lost another child at 6 weeks old and he feels like he needs to give this one the world. I totally understand where he's coming from on that and to an extent I agree but, in discipline there will be love and respect. Also, my SO's dad was very harsh with him to the point of beatings, therefore he doesn't want any kind of corporal punishment with his son. I'm at my wit's end though because it's to the point where I've explained strategies and ways to go about discipline but, he's tired of hearing it and says I'm just trying to control him to have everything my way. This child screams at adults, tells people he hates them, tells them "No, I don't have to", and the list goes on and on. He's into EVERYTHING. Food, tools, entire bottles of soap in one day. He still pees and poops in his pants, not because he isn't potty trained, but for attention. He hits people, throws balls in the house, rides his bike in the house. Anything you can think of this kid does. I grew up in a house where respect was demanded and we didn't dare make messes without cleaning them up and get into things we weren't supposed to. I dont feel like I have to or need to take on the responsibility of making this child behave. Dad needs to learn this. My question I guess is simply, HOW? I can't live another 14 yrs like this. If it continues I will leave. I did once for a week and he promised things would be different. We do have good days but, they are few and far between. HELP!!!!

giveitago's picture

One thing to do is to ask a child questions, stop them in mid track, ask 'what on earth are you doing?' In a nice polite, non aggressive, tone.
The question can serve as a distraction, the kid learns that it's not the effect he desires and he'll realize he's wasting his time pulling that shit with you. After asking just walk away saying 'oh!' Even a toddler has to think about that one! It's hard...almost impossible...but do NOT dignify it beyond what appears to be an idle curiosity. Let DH deal with it ALL. Do not ever leave, that serves to give the child leverage and enable DH to ruin him further, also, it will only spur the kid on to up the anti.