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Pathetic SD (28) still harboring anger after moving out

Shannon61's picture

It's been a while since I've posted, back story . .married about 4 years ago, moved in w/DH and SD (then 25) she made my life a living hell. She moved out a year ago, and got married back in May. We really don't have a relationship . . other than me being cordial when she's comes for a visit, or if I see her at my in-laws. When DH goes to visit . .he goes alone . .period. I can't pretend that we're best of friends when I was treated like a piece of s!@. I forgive her, but I don't have to be bothered because . . . when someone shows you who they are . . believe them the first time.

Now that SD has moved on, when my DH calls or texts her, she won't return the call or text until weeks later. DH gets sad and sappy and keeps calling . .practically beggging SD to call him back. It's pathetic. Once he even called her fiance to ask him to have her call. I put my foot down and told him not to call anymore and allow her to call him back.

This is the princess that he held on a pedestal. It takes 2 minutes to send a text . . and she's not that busy . . nobody is . . especially when it comes to your parents. I believe she's doing this as a sick attempt to intentionally hurt his feelings . .and it's working. Why can't he see this? It's disrespectful, hurtful and mean spirited. I think she's still angry that she had to move out . . . at the ripe age of 27. Has anyone else dealt with this type of foolishness?

emotionaly beat up's picture

Yep, sure have, and still am. I banned this piece of work from my home just over a year ago, and she does this emotional black mail thing on daddy too. It serves to teach them a lesson. There is nothing you can do. This is all in her father's hands. He should just let it go. He has sent he a text he has tried to call he, hell even left a message with her partner. Take the hint dad. She doesn't want to talk to you. She will of course just as soon as she needs something or if he hasn't run after her for a while. This is the game they play - Both of them. DH and your SD. Until one of them stops playing, it will continue. If she is not actually getting to you, and if he is not taking it out on you, then try not to worry about it, because your DH is allowing it and bringing it on himself, but if it affects his mood to the point where it is affecting you and your marriage then call him on it. Because if you sit back and let it go on, as he is doing with SD, nothing changes.

Orange County Ca's picture

If you can convince Daddy that if HE starts ignoring HER she will start communicating sooner. By ignore I don't mean to not respond to her attempts but to stop trying to contact her. One call and never call again until it's returned. One text and etc....

When she calls/texts and says she hasn't heard from him in a long time the response is "I left a message 2 months ago and figured you'd get around to it" or whatever. Once she figures out its on her back she may change. May being the operative word.

If she's the typical "me" in the me generation then she may never figure it out.

sandye21's picture

It is good to hear from you Shannon. I was wondering what has happened with you. MY SD started punishing Daddy when he didn't leave me over a year a 1/2 ago. No calls, no returned calls, no cards, no gifts. Yes, Daddy's being punished. The problem now is Daddy is not calling anymore, or even mentioning her. He is getting on with his life. At Father's Day he moped around all day, started getting snappy with me and I did not allow him to use me as a scape goat. I don't get invovled at all anymore. It's all up to the two of them. I really don't want to even mention SD to DH - he might get the impression I want to have a relationship with her. I do not hold a grudge toward DH, but far as pitying him, he brought this on himself. This was many times at my personal expense which he has never acknowledged so I am letting him handle it on his own.

Shannon61's picture

Hey Sandye21, I've been busy enjoying my new life I've built since SD moved out. It's been heaven . . especially the privacy and not having to deal with her evil BS, and lazy, spiteful ways.

Stepaside nailed it as usual . . SD is hurting and is hurting him and yes, she's getting back at me as well. I have to get involved because I'm on the receiving end of seeing him mope around like a sad ole hound dog because she won't call him back. It's painful to see him being treated with such disregard and disrespect considering how much he's done for her. I've only told him not to call after he's called her repeatedly and she's ignored him.

She has a DH of her own now, and should be focusing on building her new life. How pathetic is it that she's still holding a grudge against DH because he chose me. Did she think he would do otherwise? How dumb can she be? Poor girl doesn't realize that DH wasn't the only guy who wanted to marry me . . . .as I happen to be a fabulous catch!

On the other hand, I'm glad it's happening because now he sees his princess for who she really is and is starting to wise up. The next time it happens . .and it will, I'm going to tell him what's really going on. I thought SD had finally started wising up. But I see she's still the same pathetic woman child she was when I met her 4 years ago. I'm just glad she's no longer under our roof!

sandye21's picture

Shannon, Glad you are doing better. It will take a little time but your DH will get tired of trying only to be punished. DH is welcome to visit SD whenever he wants - just leave me out. And yes, like your SD, even though SD acts as if she is an intellectual equal to Einstein, her immaturity and lack of 'smarts' is front center. The more time that goes by without SD in my life the better it gets and now I will fight like hell to keep it that way.