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question to guys, fathers, husbands here...

findingserenity's picture

I married a divorced man with kids, hes alcoholic and a chain smoker, he has 3 other kids with 3 other women, hes favorite is sd12, im his second wife and we have a son and daughter together.now, we have a creepy neighbor, mr.m, hes a divorced guy, no kids, a hoarder and has 2 cats that poops and pees all over his apartment, he lives upstairs and we rent downstairs, we have centralized ac and man! It stinks I really closed the ac vents and we bought a brand new ac.hes buddy buddy with my husband, now when sd was 10, she likes to sit beside him, he would put his hand on her thigh or under her thigh and would mess, I mean embrace her, and caress her arm.. I find it way inappropropriate, I told husband, no reaction.now, when husband was hone for two weeks, I was pregnant, 8 mos wth my daughter, he would hang out in oir apartmenr, til 9, and once caressed my arm, gross..omg.. Ofcourse my husband told him its ok for him to go down and dine wirh us whether hes here or not. I.really .not comfortable with mr.m hanging out here. The thing us I already told husband how I feel, and he ignores it, as mr.m lets us share free cable and internet plus buys john deere and lets husband use it. Now, he would still hang out here eben when husband is out or he goes out to buy cigarette, or smoke . He would insist on holding my daughter though I obviously dont want tio.but what is annoying me as well is when husband wanted to go swimming and mr.m is around, I wrapped myself wuth a saress and husband asks why I dint just walk with my bathing suit. Mr.m likes to take picture of sd and me but never give us cipy. What the heck is wrong with my husband?!

stone1215's picture

you said what is wrong with your husband . he is a chain smoking alcoholic . he has presumeably gotten worse over the years and is no longer the man you originally married . stand up for you and your kids and dont let him drag you down ...... the creepy guy isnt the guy upstairs . the real creep is the guy in your home ....

instantfamily's picture

"I married a divorced man with kids, hes alcoholic and a chain smoker, he has 3 other kids with 3 other women, hes favorite is sd12, im his second wife and we have a son and daughter together"

Your first sentence says it all. That's what's wrong with your husband. That and the fact that his bff/your neighbor is likely a pedophile. Really? You're asking these questions. Don't allow either of them to "caress" you or your children. That's disgusting. Don't allow him to take pictures of you and your children. That's creepy. Call the apartment manager and tell them that he's soiling his home and you can smell it and it's disgusting. Why are you married to a chain smoking alcoholic? You would have known that pre-marriage and now you're breeding with him? That makes you complicit in what's happening with your kids. Fix it- sooner rather than later.

findingserenity's picture

I do my best to keep sd and dd from creepy neighbor. Assband just play ignoramus.. God! For cable and internet he exploit his kids and wife.i want to divorce his ass, cant wait to get back on my feet

findingserenity's picture

I so regret marrying him.. And heck if I can get the hell out of this sitz right now, I will.

findingserenity's picture

Is my husband a total loser that he tolerate advances from creepy neigjbor to hisĀ°c wife and daughter

instantfamily's picture

Short answer: yes.
Do you have any kind of support system?? Somewhere you can go? He's allowing the neighbor to molest your kids and hit on you. This screams unsafe and raises all sorts of red flags. Hell, if you're afraid to call CPS I will. Then it won't be on you. PM me your location and I'll call for you. This is extremely unsafe.

findingserenity's picture

No, I dont have family or friends here.and I quit working to take care of our little ones. I am rude to neighbor already, and dont let him touch my daughter

findingserenity's picture

I worry for my kids, for sd, atleast sd lives with her mom, but my kids and I are the ones who needs utmost help and protection.i cant wait to get out of here. Creepy neighbor has given husband so many favors that now, he thinks he can just walk in our house and act as if he owns us. But I am rude to him, and cold and dont talk to him.why he hangs out here when my husband is outside is just aggravating to me.i feel like our privacy is invaded

Disneyfan's picture

Are you allowing creepy man into your home when your husband isn't there? What do you do when creepy man touches you?

findingserenity's picture

No, I dont.i lock the door and close the window.but when husband is here, he invites him in then stupid husband go out to buy beer or cigarette and creepy neighbor stay so I just go to my kids room, and lock thr bedroom door. Anyone in right sense of mind will leave when the lady of the house refuse to avknowledge them, not him. I wish husband will stop inviting him in.

findingserenity's picture

He does not touch me after that one incident, he will hear from me if he does and ill call the cop for harassment.

emotionaly beat up's picture

You need to leave you are putting your children and yourself in harms way. Go to a safe house, go to the police, go anywhere but do not stay one more night in that apartment. Something may be wrong with the guy upstairs, but something is also not right with your husband and you know it.

Buzybee82's picture

this really makes me sad and scared for you. part of me hopes you're making this up just cuz it's so dangerous!!! but i don't think you are. i understand you feel trapped and have no family there, do you have family any where? do you have a car? u need to leave this situation NOW!!! god forbid something ever happens to you or your kids! please get mase and NEVER EVER LEAVE ANY OF YOUR KIDS ALONE WITH THIS MAN EVER! If your husband leaves to go to the store this man can do harm to you and your kids in less than a minute! omg reading this post had scared me so much for you and your kids! I'm sorry, but your husband is a piece of shit if he's more concerned about getting beer and cigarettes over the safety of his own family. you need to leave now! do you have shelters in your area? friends? any options? you should have left by now. please keep us posted. gawd you could stay any where we be safer than there! i really hope he has never been alone with any of the young girls! has he? even for a minute?

findingserenity's picture

All my family are in different country, im pretty much alone, I dont drive as my husband tries his best to avoid teaching me how to drive. He thinks this man is so great, he cant see hes a predator. Im learning how to drive slowly.

instantfamily's picture

Oh, trust this, he knows the neighbor is a predator and he's setting up you, SD and your daughter to be hurt. He sounds like a predatory pimp. Did you marry him for citizenship? There are places you can go for help. Please, if this is for real, let us know where you're from or living so we can reccommend a place to go for help. There are protections in this country and you can access them. Send an email to anyone on here you feel has offered good advice and I'm sure they'll do everything to get you safe. Better yet, call CPS on your neighbor and husband! Absolutely get authorities involved so they keep an eye on these predators.

herewegoagain's picture

What is wrong with your husband? Ah, no, sorry, what is wrong with YOU??? The guy is obviously a pervert and yet you stay with your husband, who is a drunk and sees nothing wrong with exposing his kids to PERVERTS? Sorry, there is something wrong with YOU...he's a lost cause...wth, he's a drunk...but if you are not a drunk, there is something really wrong with you to subject your skids, your kids and yourself to such filth and stay there why? Because you love him? Are you kidding?

findingserenity's picture

My husband doesnt get drunk, but he drinks 18 cans of beer everyday.whats wrong with me? I cant drive, ive no job, no family, andi have tried calling the shelter but they cant accomodate me

instantfamily's picture

Your husband IS a drunk. 18 cans of beer per day is alcoholic. You are married to a drunk. Call CPS.

Buzybee82's picture

as outsiders looking in its easier for us to say what the poster above said..." what is wrong with you?!' were not in her situation, we don't know her circumstances, its easier said then done to say she should have left a long time ago. i really think she needs help and support and that is why she is on here. I'm more than happy to do all i can to help,i know i don't know you, but you can friend me on here and i can maybe find a shelter in your area or something!!! gawd please let us help you leave this situation any way we can! you said yourself you want to leave him right? there were ways to do so safely, and as hard and scary as it may be you have to for the safety of your kids and you. maybe you should tell your step kid's moms about this once you're out and safe to protect them too! are you scared of leaving your husband? i think there's more to this story that maybe you're more comfortable talking about via e-mail? if so feel free to contact me and I'll try to help any way i can

Buzybee82's picture

btw there are websites for looking up sex offenders, have you checked on this neighbor to see if he's a registered offender? you NEED to asap!

findingserenity's picture

Phils. I checked and hes not listed. I am aggravated and that sicko is trying my patience. Next time he approaches to hold my dd, ill say thank u but no thanks I got her alright. If he pushes ill say if m not handing u my daughter, that means I dont want to hand u my daughter

Buzybee82's picture

findingserenity.... what do you mean next time? are you seriously going to stay in this situation? you came here for help, everyone has told you to get out, and now you're talking about the next time he wants to hold your daughter? why would you stay? what's keeping you there? do u have family ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD? or friends? tell me something.... how would you live with yourself if you stay and something happens to your daughter?

Orange County Ca's picture

I married a divorced man with kids, hes alcoholic and a chain smoker, he has 3 other kids with 3 other women

First question: Why did you marry this loser?

Second question: Why are you still married to this loser?

emotionaly beat up's picture

If you choose to stay there and put your DD at risk that is so wrong, however, if you do not tell your SD's mother what is going on then that is immoral and criminal. There is a poster on here who has offered to help you -TAKE UP HER OFFER, or stay and give all the kids up to child services because you are supposed to protect these children and you are failing to do that. No matter what your circumstances, you have not as far as I can tell even gone to your SD's mothr let alone the police and expressed your concerns for the kids. Your husband disgusts me, but he clearly has a mind fogged by alcholol. You clearly know something is very wrong here, yet you are making plans for the "NEXT" time it happens. Before your husband walks out again and leaves you and these children alone with the creepy neighbour - Get the hell out.

janeyc's picture

I understand that you must be so scared, I understand how frightening it can be to leave a partner, even if they are abusive, has the shelter said when there may be room for you? Keep trying to find somewhere, stick to your daughter like glue, and hopefully you might be able to leave soon, as for this sick pervert, you could call the police you know? But then only you know how your husband would react. As for your husband, I was also taken in by an alcoholic, I did'nt know until I'd moved 250 miles away from my support network, I know how sneeky, manipulative and how low their values can be, maybe this neighbour has even more of a hold on your husband? Could they be in this together? Any father should have beaten him for doing that to his daughter, so this would explain why he did'nt do anything about it, I wish I could help you more.

findingserenity's picture

I just got back here to steptalk.it has been a rough time.assband and I almost split.yhe driving lesson thats always postponed plus he doesnt let me and the babies go even to a waterpark.had a huge fight, he said he will leave me and the kids, I made a document for him to sign wavering all his rights to our kids but he refused. I talked to sd12 and infront of neighbor and assband said no one or no guy should inappropriately touch sd by caressing her arm or her thigh or poking her side and I refused when creepy neighbor tried to hold my dd. Creepy neighbor is pissed off.
For those who gave me advice, thank u so much, I tried to call shelter but they said unless me and my kids are in imminent danger, they cant take us, and I cant bring my kids back to my country without their fathers approval. It isnt easy to just walk out.i wish.right now, I got the situation under control with crwepy neighbor, but my driving and becoming independent is anotjer ive to work hard for. I need a friend willing to teach me how to drive and that person is just hard to find.

emotionaly beat up's picture

Well you are in immenent danger aren't you. Two men could overpower you in a heartbeat if they wanted to, and your children would have no hope against them. From what you describe you have a drunken husband who leaves you alone with the creepy neighbour who is touching you and the children inappropriately, are you saying the shelter wants you or the kids to be raped first.

I do understand this is hard on you, but you do have to remove your children from this situation and you have a responsibility to tell SD mother, she has a right to know that her ex husband is putting her child in danger. I couldn't live with myself if I hadn't told the mother and something happened, I couldn't live with myself if I stayed in a situation like you describe and something happened to my child. Kids never forget being molested you know.

findingserenity's picture

I spoke up to the creepy neighbor.and told him how pushy and annoying he is.

instantfamily's picture

It doesn't matter if you "spoke up" to the creepy neighbor! Above poster is right, they can overpower you easily- not to mention they're both drunks and that combination makes it more likely that angry, drunk men are going to do something stupid which could end up hurting you and/or your kids.
Either you want to stay in this situation because you're scared to move on or you are getting something out of it. If you really are scared, I again offer my assistance at getting you into a DV shelter. You ARE in imminent danger. You have a neighbor possibly molesting your children and your husband is verbally and emotionally abusive. I don't know what country you're from, but that's grounds for getting into a DV shelter here.
Seriously, PM if you actually want help.

emotionaly beat up's picture

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