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Can BM really do this?

MJL2010's picture
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BM called our town's summer camp program and stated that she doesn't give her permission for her kids to attend said camp when the kids are on DH's custody time. Does the town have to respect her wishes and comply with her ridiculous demand? Custody is 50/50, they went to this camp last year, it's the camp their stepbrother and stepsister go to....family court will never address this issue in time for summer. Any advice or suggestions on what we can do? Thanks in advance.

MJL2010's picture

Well, where do I start? Their addendum to their divorce agreement, which she pursued when she decided that a move out of town would be best for her (didn't really consider her kids in this, and she continues not to) states that if they (DH and psycho) couldn't decide on plans for the summer, the kids would be enrolled in child care during the summer months in this town between our towns. DH needs to, and should have done this long ago, put into the court for a change of circumstance because he married me, a schoolteacher, after this thing was signed.

During his custody time last summer, the skids, DS and DD attended the half-day camp in our town for a couple weeks out of the summer, and the in-between full-day for a few other weeks. Because of her work schedule, she used her ROFR when she could on the days they were down here with me after noon pick-up and DH was at work.

This year, I will have a newborn, and also things have changed financially. DH has told her that I will not take care of SSs on her custody days (as her treatment of me has been so disgusting that I will do her no favors) so she wants to just enroll SSs in full-day all-summer camp.

As I understand it, if DH doesn't agree to her entire-summer-in-full-day-camp plan, he doesn't have to pay for it or send them during his custody time. If they do attend half-day, she will get ROFR but probably not be able to use it due to her work.

So she claims to have spoken to our town rec department and has supposedly told them that she does not grant permission for the boys to attend. My experience has been that places like towns, the Y, etc....just do not want to get involved in acrimonious divorce situations.

What she doesn't realize is that her kids will be really sad if they can't attend this camp with their stepsiblings. And further, if they do need to stay home with me rather than attending the full-day camp that she plans to sign them up for (because we don't need it and cannot afford it or justify it financially since I'm home in the summer), their summer will not consist of the same manic entertainment that it would if they were with her or at the half-day camp! They will be doing things like reading, writing, and helping, and further they will be quiet since that will be during newborn's nap time. So a very different scenario than what she's trying to create! Careful what you wish for, BM!

3familiesIn1's picture

THIS is likely the only thing she can do I would think. I can't imagine legally she can stop them from being in care unless she plans to watch them herself.

Ommy's picture

It is a different town, there has to be some restrictions on her, like she has to drive if she inforces it, or it has to be x amount of time. After all ROFR only truly applies if the paremts live near eachother.

MJL2010's picture

They do. She's about seventeen miles away, thanks to her half-baked plan to get out of this town and "get healthy" after the divorce (ummmm....that didn't exactly work).

MJL2010's picture

HR and 3- she wants them in full-time care, just not in our town and certainly not with me!

Anywho78's picture

I'm curious about how the camp responded as well. My SKids are enrolled in a day camp program here in town & they only required one parent's signature.

I hope your SKids don't miss out because of BM...that would SUCK!

MJL2010's picture

We'll find out in the morning! DH needs to call the town to find out.

Ommy's picture

If it is his custody time then she has no say unless the kids are in harm. If she was to pay half of it then yes, but if he pays it he only needs one parent to sing the form. BM is nuts. Why does she have the number? if it isnt an over night camp then she doesnt need it.

MJL2010's picture

She's just one of those insane BMs who wants control over every single thing during his custody time. She is quite ill, I think. The other day she told the boys that she didn't want them to live with her anymore, and that she wanted them to be with their dad full-time. She even had one of them call DH to tell him that! And then it's like nothing happened. And now she's off on this tangent about summer camp.

Oh, the stuff she wants control over! She's truly amazing. I used to think she was just a massive alienator but tonight I heard about Malicious Mother Syndrome. That seems to apply as well. Poor skids.

overworkedmom's picture

I agree with Ommy. My ex has no say where my kids go to camp this summer on my time with them. I am not sure why she is doing this other than to ruffle feathers but if its on your time then too bad, send them where you want. Let her take you to court, you aren't doing anything wrong and I have a sneaking suspicion that judges everywhere are getting fed up with stupid BM's.

Orange County Ca's picture

They probably will because they don't want to get in the middle of a domestic dispute. You might have your attorney write the city a letter advising them of the 50/50 and that Daddy has a right to enroll them.

I'm continuously amazed what a bio-mother will do to inflict pain on her ex she will deny her own children this opportunity. What evil lurks in the heart of a spurned woman is beyond description.

MJL2010's picture

I wish we could afford to go the attorney route. Simply cannot. Thank you for the suggestion; I totally agree with your last line. I wonder if she even realizes what she's doing? And the irony is that in her illness she has created the thought of herself being "spurned"; she actually hasn't been! But now she believes it and will stop at nothing. She is an awful person and an awful mother.

Thank you for your comment.

MJL2010's picture

LOL. Ah, but I did give the relevant facts: that DH qualifIES for a change of circumstance, that last year they agreed that kids would attend both camps (surely the fact that that set precedent would mean SOMETHING in family court), and finally that no court can force a party to agree to send kids where they cannot afford to send them, especially if there is another option for their care that involves the stability of a stepfamily. Maybe you're right, HR- some of those are kind of inferred facts, that you didn't pick up from my explanation. I should have spelled them out.

So my original question did not really hinge on any of these facts. Further, when I did go into a bit more detail, the answers made lots of sense. Thank you to all who responded!

overworkedmom's picture

Don't get a lawyer then just show your CO and write you own letter. They can read the facts themselves.

MJL2010's picture

So DH called town hall today. BM never called them- she is so stupid to think that we do not check into things she tells him, to verify. She is, on top of all the other stuff, a massive liar. Anyway, got all kids registered- town half-day camp is drop-in; you don't have to commit to weeks at a time. Also, she was told by director of rec. that she didn't think there would be able to any hullubaloo brought on by BM anyway. So it will be up to Crazy to call and make a big deal, which will make her look even more ridiculous.
DH will file for change of circumstance this coming week.

Thank you again for your comments and suggestions!

MJL2010's picture

So DH called town hall today. BM never called them- she is so stupid to think that we do not check into things she tells him, to verify. She is, on top of all the other stuff, a massive liar. Anyway, got all kids registered- town half-day camp is drop-in; you don't have to commit to weeks at a time. Also, DH was told by director of rec. that she didn't think there would be able to be any hullubaloo brought on by BM anyway. So it will be up to Crazy to call and make a big deal, which will make her look even more ridiculous.
DH will file for change of circumstance this coming week.

Thank you again for your comments and suggestions!