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SS (almost 8) struggles with just about EVERYTHING... Thoughts?

BellaMia's picture

So, SS7 (he'll be 8 in a matter of weeks) seems to be so far behind the curve that it's not even funny. He doesn't know how to tie his shoes, he cannot ride a bike, he can't pour his own breakfast cereal and milk without making a huge mess. He still uses baby talk and is often hard to understand. He can't say "twenty," but instead says "quinny." He can't say "corn," but says "torn" instead. We have workbooks that he is supposed to do to help him stay on track during the summer, so he doesn't forget everything in between the school years. He is supposed to be going into 3rd grade, but his teachers suggested he repeat kindergarten, so he's going into 2nd grade. Yet he cannot do basic math without crying and asking me about something like "What is 7-4? I don't know how to do it." He still doesn't know how to put his shoes on the right feet...

Speaking of crying, he does it EVERY SINGLE DAY. I mean not just cries but BAWLS... If he does something wrong and his father or I correct him, he booo-hooos, tears streaming down his face, and says that 1. "you're angry... you're going to be mad at me forever!" 2. "you're yelling at me..." 3. "you don't love me..." etc... I told H that instead of getting upset and reacting to his crying, he should tell him, "I don't understand baby talk or crying. When you get yourself together, come back and tell me what's on your mind." Talking with him, going back and forth about the fact that he's crying, etc... is just feeding the fire, IMO, and giving him exactly what he wants: All of the attention.

He does very little on his own. He has to be told to do everything (i.e. getting dressed, brushing teeth, etc...). I know that, in and of itself, isn't unusual, but all of these issues combined raise my concern. I made the mistake and Googled some of this stuff and stumbled on "dyspraxia." Anyone have experience with that?

I'm at the point where I have told H that I no longer want to be left alone with him because he has outright lied about things I have done or said. I have never and would never mistreat a child, but I'm no pushover and no kid is going to get away with murder on my watch. I have H's children a LOT while he travels (he's been gone since Monday, for instance), so it's impossible to disengage at all times. I'm just wondering is SS7's behavior indicative of a greater issue.

BellaMia's picture

It's amazing to me how some parents can't see the problems with their own spawn. I'll give you an example: We have two little boys who live nearby. One is eight, the other just turned 7 a couple of weeks ago. Both of them seem to be light years ahead of SS7. But how the hell do I talk with his father about it without feeling the absolute wrath of an irrational, overly-protective parent?

The baby talk alone would make me wonder WTF is up. He's with BM during the school year and I wonder if her present-but-not-aware approach to mothering is the root of the issue. From what I've been able to gather, he fends for himself. A lot. She provides food, transportation, makes sure he stays relatively clean, etc... but there is very little interaction, reading, etc... He plays video games and watches TV A LOT. Oh, and the shows he watches skew extremely young... He likes shows that are meant for children several years younger than him...

On the one hand, I want to ignore it. But then again I have to deal with him quite a bit in the summer, and I genuinely would want him to get help if anything needs to be addressed. I should probably take an "oh well" approach, I know...

BellaMia's picture

Well, his father used to make OVER his grades last year. It took everything in me to not say, "Well, he SHOULD do well in kindergarten! It's kindergarten AND he's done it before!!!!" WTF?!?!?

He did fairly well in school at the beginning of 1st grade, but toward the middle and end struggled with math and reading. I knew something was up when H stopped showing me his report cards. I'm just amazed (even listening to him as I type this) by his lack of maturity... After a while, I just tune out the baby talk. I can't understand WTF he's saying more than half the time anyway! Argh!

*changed "in my" to "in me" in the second sentence

BellaMia's picture

No, I was saying he's a year behind. He should be going into grade 3, but he will be in grade 2.

The issue I have is it's hard to tell if he's unwilling or unable. Thanks for sharing your situation... Were you able to talk with your SO about it, or did he/she notice?

marissamae88's picture

My SS7 I feel is behind also. Basic stuff he gets but if he has to think about it even just a little I get a tantrum. The smallest directions are to hard for him. Cleaning his room he throws a crying fit and says he doesnt know how to do it???? You clean you room everyday how do you not know how to do it? He talks baby talk to but he has quit with me at least because he knows it makes me so mad! He is the biggest weanie to. If his younger brother hits him who is four by the way and my ss7 is going to be 8 in Oct if he hits him here come the tears and he wants to tattle on him. Seriously he is four walk away! My SO's sister tells me all the time that she thinks he is behind. He doesnt want to hang out with the older kids like ss9 he wants to hang out with the smaller kids. She has told my SO to get him checked for any type of slowness or maybe a therapist but my SO doesnt think there is anything wrong with him. God forbid his angels arent the smartest kids on the block. I dont know how to help you but if you find the secret please send it to me.

porkchop's picture

I actually have 2 nephews that are the exact same way. One has recently been diagnosted with Autism & the other has been label Developmently Delayed. I would recommend getting him enrolled in occupational therapy in school, it's a program for kids who need a little extra time & one-on-one focus, it also teaches them how to organize & perform necessary tasks. My second recommendation, have him could be very well he may have something underlying that is causing this nephew with Autism never showed any actual symptoms associated with it, we always thought it was because he was lazy & didn't want to do it. He's nine, will be 10 in a couple months, he just learned to tie his shoes & climb a tree, he didn't learn to dress himself til he wan almost 9, & from my understanding, he's still trying to learn how to ride a bike.
It is frustrating, I have definately been in that situation before, hang in there hun.