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Is It Wrong...

dreal_jackson's picture

For me to not want to babysit my stepson....My husband works nights from 6pm to 7am so I have to watch his son basically when he is asleep during the day and also at night. I sometimes feel bad b/c I have it in my mind that I really don't want to be doing this. Sometimes that's all I feel like is a babysitter. I thought when it's his 2 weeks to keep his son he would want to spend a lot of time with him but it just seems like he is sleeping the whole 2 week

stepkate's picture

This is not an uncommon feeling at all. I was starting to feel used in a situation where BF expected me to be responsible for his daughter when he worked.

cdaisy's picture

I grew up with a father who worked the graveyard shift frequently (12 to 8am) and needed sleep during the day, but he did eventually wake up to take care of normal daytime responsibilities. So, while your H is awake, he needs to manage his son. I had a special compassion for the demands of that type of schedule, as you probably do, but it's not completely fair. Hopefully you can talk to your H and get him to acknowledge the position he is putting you in. Thanks and appreciation go a long way, and if you can frame it in a way that lets him know that (1) you're not a babysitter, (2) if you act like a babysitter occasionally, that you're doing him a favor; and (3) he really OWES you for helping him out with 2 weeks of babysitting. It doesn't sound like you have much of a choice, but compensation (I know that I can be bought and that DH's verbally stated appreciation for me goes a long way) usually makes people feel better about such a temporary sacrifice. Charge him to understand that he owes you a romantic dinner, a modest sterling silver pair of earrings you've been wanting for a while, a walk in the park, a happy hour, a new dress, or something. It's like cajoling him with a smile into making it worth your while. The other thing you can do is to schedule an appointment or two (pedicure, haircut, long overdue annual physical) that gets you out of the house solo and reinforces the fact that you need him to take responsibility for some of the child's care. Good luck. Hope I don't sound manipulating, but the rewards-appreciation system really works for me.