im having such a hard time with 22 yo SD. preganant, quit college in last semester of college, living with boyfriends mother, no urgency to get a job (both her and her boyfriend!), impending student loans for which my husband cosigned (we will be stuck with over $800 a month in loan when this girl defaults on them which will be any day now), the worst part is she lies about everything! everything! everything! and her father refuses to address it even when she is lying right to his face.
tonight DH and i were talking about her and as usual ended up in a debate about whether to address the lies when they happen. i told him i think i'm going to call her out on the lies at the moment they happen from now on and his response was this: you'll call her out on the lies then she won't come to visit because she won't want to come here to visit. then we'll have a problem because if i want to see her she won't want you around and then i'll just have to go see her alone"
i feel so totally un-supported! why in the freaking world won't he address the lying!!!! she lies about little things...big things and everything in between. she's a real storyteller! and it's really getting to me! he KNOWS she lies and still refuses to say anything. he just 'accepts' it (so he says) he is a good father! has always been a good father (i've known him since she was in middle school) he stayed in his first marraiage for a long time for his daughter! he has sacrificed so much for her and still will not put himself first.
i feel like allowing her to lie is allowing her to disrespect us!!!!!!!!!!!! and he doesn't see it that way.
i see people here mention "disengaging" can someone tell me how i learn to do that?
i want to go to counseling with DH but i'm so afraid he will deny me if i ask him to go. i've been to counseling on my own but i really need for him to go with me so we can get thru the SD issues together.
please....any words of wisdom will be appreciated.