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I've Had it With the BM's Whining!

NewBeginning's picture

And with DH's inability to cut her off !!

DH told me he talked to the BM and she again stressed how she cried on our wedding day and how bad her life is. Is being the sweetheart she feels she now is and wants him to see her in a new light.

Background on the lunatic - she cheated on him REPEATEDLY in their marriage. They divorced back in '07 but still saw each other occasionally - like some folks do in a divorce. DH says he regrets it but yes they talked and saw each other. My ex and I were very different - I told him to get out in '05 due to his cheating, fought tooth and nail for a divorce for 2 years and got rid of his sorry ass in '07. I never looked back. EVER. We have a 19 year old daughter together that he hasn't done anything with since he left in '05 - great guy eh? No one I would want to allow come into my current relationship let alone marriage.

DH's ex is a different story - thanks to her 2 kids, they keep her alive and kicking. Mom is so down and out - "feel sorry for her Dad" is their mantra.

So.....after being sick to DEATH of hearing of her whining and complaining, I told my DH this.

"I have been patient..I have been kind. I have heard all her bullshit that you tell me about. You allowed her to be in your life for a while after the divorce and the door was open for her to enter occasionally. To tell you her sob stories. I met you in '08 - we began a relationship and fell in love. We married on Valentine's Day of this you NOT think it's time for the whiny bullshit to stop?"

Ladies, until I came along this woman thought she was still in the loop, so to speak. And she thought it because DH allowed it, just like anyone who allows themselves to be treated like this. Not saying they slept together but he allowed her to permeate his life with her needy childish antics on how she messed up. Now - enter me in '08 - the bullshit is GONNA stop or I won't be in your life is what he was told. It did - to an extent.

We received emails, texts, he was asked to join this piece of shit for a 3some with her and some 4 legged animal I am assuming, AND he was asked to move in with her after us being together for 4 months. LOTS of useless bullshit that had NOTHING to do with their kids. NOTHING.

I told him to get something straight - when MY ex calls of anything - it had better be to do with our CHILD and nothing else or he quickly gets told to either F*&K OFF or simply hung up on.

There is NOTHING wrong with talking to your ex about your kids and should be done. His son turns 18 in September so I have no idea why they'd ever have to contact each other again and their daughter is 20 in January. But until then if they need to talk of their son, so be it......but the personal bullshit has to stop.

I feel without a doubt we are BOTH wayyyyyyy beyond the point of consoling our exes on anything from the past. The marriages are over but the kids remain. We have been together for almost 2 years and married now for 7 weeks. What the hell would either one of us have to be doing reminicing about a broken marriage? And especially with 2 people that cheated on us both? My ex cheated like think I'm gonna sit and listen to him whine about his sorry rear? Hell no!

And what is OUR marriage gaining by him sitting and listening to her whine about their failed marriage? What are we getting out of this besides hurt feelings?

You live with what you incur in your life...every action gets a reaction and she just happened to have lost her marriage. GET OVER IT!

I told DH I am wayyyyy past the point of having hurt feelings - I'm tired of thinking their conversations are geared towards their son and then I find out she's coniving to get him back. I even asked him if he likes the attention. I find that when my ex has remotely begun to talk of our past - I feel sick.

JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE CHILDREN TOGETHER DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO THE THINGS THIS WOMAN HAS DONE. And I'm sick of it. No woman wants to be at work while their husband is at home getting ready to work 2nd shift and find out he was home talking to his ex wife and she was doing all she could to rekindle the flame - and worse yet your DH is ALLOWING it to happen.

Whew! I feel better! Smile

NewBeginning's picture

Thanks for your input, goforit.

I guess I just can't fathom why he would put up with her complaining and crying yet tell me the horror stories about her that he has. You would think - like me - that he had had enough of that craziness - that's why he left the marriage. Same as me - I was done.

I am so disappointed that our wedding day gave her the reason to whine to him that she had to cry - a day where he and I were at our happiest and she tried to downplay it for her own selfish reasons. Threw in the fact that they were once a family and had 2 beautiful kids.

Now I'm sorry - but why would anyone give an inch to someone talking like that when you are newly married starting a life with someone? I just don't get it but am slowly learning that my DH is pretty clueless when it comes to this woman.

No wonder she's been allowed to act like this for so know? I love him to death but this is ridiculous.

folkmom's picture


BurnedOut's picture

I go through the same bullshit with my DH and his BM. Their son is 12 but he lives with us, y I don't know. I need him to man up and tell her to be a mother to her child. Just because they aren't together doesn't mean he won't be there for his child. By the way she'll be married soon so she will have extra help